Brad Pitt recently celebrated his 54th birthday and, according to People, is “casually dating”. Nothing serious, “nothing to speak of at this point”. Maybe he’s had few quiet dinners at his favorite local bistro. He probably tips well and knows the waiters by name. Just sit with that a moment, won’t you? It’s like a day at the spa. There is not one thing offensive in this story. Who’d have thought that Brad Pitt would deliver unto us a Christmas miracle!
In addition to not showing his penis without permission (as far as we know), Brad is working on centering himself and spending plenty of time with his children, something he “treasures”. He and ex-wife Angelina Jolie are doing “okay” and working together on the kid’s schedule. Hearing this brings to mind the tranquility of snuggling into a big fluffy robe after a long (almost too long, you’ve overindulged a bit) soak in a hot tub on a cold winter’s day. According to People:
Pitt recently wrapped shooting the science-fiction thriller Ad Astra, opposite Tommy Lee Jones. In his spare time, the actor has also been trying his hand at sculpting. The solitude allows him to reflect and “try to make sense of where we are at this time,” he said.
Brad probably isn’t sculpting dildos to give as wrap gifts to the female grips. Brad’s not like that, he’s a gentleman (as far as we know). In fact, People reminds us of what Brad told GQ magazine about not having ant dirty secrets.
“I remember literally having this thought a year, a year and a half ago; someone was going through some scandal,” he told GQ. “Something crossed my path that was a big scandal—and I went, ‘Thank God I’m never going to have to be a part of one of those again.’ I live my life, I have my family, I do my thing, I don’t do anything illegal, I don’t cross anyone’s path. What’s the David Foster Wallace quote? ‘Truth will set you free, but not until it’s done with you first.’”
And so, we can rest assured knowing there is one man in Hollywood who’s never going to let us down. Brad will always do the right thing and will never disappoint us by revealing a secret criminally and morally corrupt inner life. He’s just a hot daddy with a heart of gold. As far as we know. And that’s good enough for me, dammit!