Hot Slut Of The Day!

Marshall, the Ding Dong Dog!

My dog has gotten out a couple of times in his lifetime, and thankfully for me (but not thankfully for him), a neighbor usually recognizes him as my dog and brings him back home even though his eyes are clearly screaming, “¡ayúdame! That crazy gay sings show tunes all day and dresses me up as Louise from Gypsy so he can sing Together (Wherever We Go) to me!” What I’m getting at is that when my dog escapes, he would never know to go the front door if he wants back in. But Marshall apparently did.

In a video that Marshall’s human Greg Basel gave to Storyful, he paws at the door after getting out of his Spokane, Washington house on September 25. The camera on Greg’s Nest doorbell picked up Marshall pawing at the door to be let back in. I don’t know how old Marshall is, but he looks young. Typical youngin’! Sneaks out of the house late at night to get drunk and sniff on some bitch’s ass, and then can’t find a way to get back in so has to ring the doorbell and wake up mom and dad. I bet Marshall came up with some bullshit excuse like he took an Ambien and had no idea what happened. Roseanne, come get your pooch!

After a little pawing, someone finally let Marshall back in.

Did Greg Basel set it all up by waving a Pup-Peroni at Marshall before closing the door on him so he could paw at it? Probably, but just let me believe that there’s a furry ball of adorableness out there who knows how to use a Nest doorbell. Give me that!

Pic: YouTube

Birthday Sluts

Open Post: Hosted By This Cow Playing Fetch

It’s always intriguing when an animal does something that you don’t normally associate with that animal. For instance, like when a sea lion HURLS A FUCKING OCTOPUS at a kayaker. In a less violent example, we have Lotta the Cow! Tastefully Offensive posted this charming vid of Lotta, a cow who lives on a farm in Gothenburg, Sweden, playing fetch.

I, too, thought that the only things cows got up to was chewing cud and standing in place in the fields until they had to go into the barn and get milk molested out of them. Oh, and waiting around for drunken teenagers to tip them. Teenagers are the worst. This week also proves that a cow and a seal lion could probably play fetch with each other with little to no problem. You’d have to set up some sort of aquarium/farm deal but it would probably be a tourism bonanza.

Pic: YouTube

Ariana Grande Dropped Out Of Performing On The “Saturday Night Live” Premiere Due To Emotional Distress

Tonight is the premiere of Saturday Night Live’s 44th season, and while I am usually passed out by the time it airs, I’m looking forward to watching the cast nail Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh‘s balls to the wall in it’s anticipated reenactment of this week’s Senate Committee on the Judiciary hearings. Ariana Grande was supposed to the musical guest tonight and she would have been PERFECT in a cameo roll as Alyssa Milano, who got major airtime as the perfectly contoured little head over Brett’s shoulder during the majority of his testimony. But it now looks as if Pete Davidson will have to be without Ariana for at least a full two hours, because she’s dropped out at the last minute citing “emotional reasons“.

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Elle Macpherson Says Billy Joel Dumped Her For Christie Brinkley

And in “Untold Stories of Past Pop Cultural Icons” news, Elle Macpherson, 54, told Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live that vehicular terror Billy Joel, 69, off-loaded her in favor of the ageless Christie Brinkley, 64, back in the day. It could have been the equally ageless Elle whom the public was aiming their puzzled looks at back in the 80s. She could have been ½ of the unusual and progressive celebrity pairing that inspired questions like “Her? With him? Really?”

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Eddie Murphy’s Pregnant Girlfriend Is Now His Pregnant Fiancée

It feels like only one month and six days ago it was reported on this very site, that Eddie Murphy, is expecting his tenth child to be born. Well, for those of us that wish this site was dedicated to Axel Foley and streamed the Axel F theme 24/7 (AKA “theme to the hamster wheel that is my brain“), here is some more exciting news! Eddie Murphy’s balance of babies born to his wives versus babies born to Spice Girls and other flings is about to tip the scales. People reports that Eddie and his pregnant girlfriend, Australian actress person Paige Butcher, are now engaged to be married.

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