Category: She Probably Cut That String Herself

You Knew This Was Going To Happen: Miley Cyrus’ Nipple Made An Appearance At The VMAs Last Night

August 31, 2015 / Posted by:

If Miley Cyrus hosts the MTV VMAs and her tit nub doesn’t pop out at least once, did she really host the MTV VMAs at all?

The least shocking moment of the VMAs happened when Miley’s nipple “accidentally” made a cameo appearance toward the end of the show. And by “accidentally” I mean that she rehearsed that accidental nip slip for 3 hours in a rehearsal studio in the Valley somewhere and in her earpiece, a stage manager was saying, “Standby nip slip… Nip slip go in 3..2…”

Many parents spent their entire night smearing burn cream all over the eyes of the innocent, delicate children whose retinas caught on fire from seeing Miley Cyrus’ devilry nipple. Everybody should’ve seen her tit slip coming, because she’s Miley Cyrus and nearly everything she wore during the show was leading up to that moment. Before going to a commercial break, Miley was backstage changing when she “accidentally” dropped the black curtain for a second and her tit came out to say hi. Gawker has a clip of it and I put the uncensored pic after the cut, because I know some of you dew drops don’t want your pure and virginal eyes tainted by the sight of a chipmunk lady nipple.

Continue reading

Madonna Didn’t Overreact To Her Demos Leaking. Nope, Not At All.

December 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Today is a good day for me, because I found out that I no longer have to smuggle Cuban cigars from Mexico in my asshole. (Actually, maybe that’s not such a good thing since that’s the only time I really get any action.) But Madge is not having a good day, because today she found out that she leaked all over the Internet.

Madge’s new album, which is supposedly title Unapologetic Bitch, isn’t scheduled to come out until next year, but this morning someone spread the tracks all over the Internet. When one of Madge’s unreleased (and possibly unfinished) songs “Rebel Heart” leaked into ears last month, she screamed some shit about how she had been violated as a human and artist. She Hulk’d out on Instagram. So when a bunch of tracks got dropped on the Internet today, I expected her veins to pop and her skin to turn green before she overturned cars and ripped out electrical lines. At first, Madge kept calm and told her fans that the leaked songs are unfinished demos that were stolen a long time ago and thanked them for not listening to the tracks. But I guess Madge realized that being calm and reasonable isn’t going to get her as much attention as possible, so she later freaked out on Instagram in a Kanye-style rant (sans ALL-CAPS) which she later deleted.

Madge pretty much thinks that Olivia Benson and the FBI need to get involved, because this is an act of rape and terrorism. Every government division needs to stop EVERYTHING they’re doing (examples: investigating real rape and investigating real terrorism) and devote all their time to finding out who leaked old demos that Madge isn’t putting on her album anyway. This is a priority!

calmdownmemawmadge

Madge’s current boy toy really needs to take a Valium so the next time she sucks his blood, she’ll chill the hell out. This seems to happen to Madge a lot. So either she needs to get a new STUNT QUEEN stunt to keep her name out there or she needs to strap an industrial-strength pair of Depends over her hard drive to stop the leaks.

Pic: Madonna Glam, Screen Shot: ONTD

Idina Menzel, I Mean, Adele Dazeem, Sang “Let It Go” At The Oscars And Didn’t Seem Happy About It

March 3, 2014 / Posted by:

If you were like me, then you probably didn’t pay close attention to Idina Menzel’s performance of “Let It Go” at the Oscars last night because you were still slow clapping at Miss John Travolta trying to quiet down those rumors that he loves a little massage therapist peen on his tongue by mispronouncing Idina Menzel’s name. What kind of self-respecting musical theater queen fucks up the name of a Broadway star? I see you, Jorn Tromolto. Some people keep saying that we all need to stop, because John Travolta has Dyslexia. I’m pretty sure they’re confusing him with the other Scientology sweetheart Tommy Girl who would never screw up Idina Menzel’s name. The halls of the Scientology Celebrity Centre were filled with the gasps of the boys in the bath house who couldn’t believe that their grand dame committed an illegal gay act by mispronouncing a Broadway diva’s name and the forest was filled with the cries of the guinea pigs whose family members were killed to make John Travolta’s wig.

Even though John put her name through the shredder, Idina went on to perform, but something seemed off. She looked nervous and jittery and it seemed like she couldn’t wait to get out of there. She acted like John Travolta every time Kelly Preston got naked during the Scientology turkey baster ceremony to conceive one of their kids.

Someone on Facebook said that the music was too fast and Idina was obviously pissed about it at the end of her performance. Hmmm, I see what’s going on here. Travolta messed up her name and then the music plays too fast. That wig-torturing, Bonne Bell foundation-wearing evil bitch tried to sabotage Adele Dazeem! John Travolta is probably a crazed Chenoweth fangirl. Figures…

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Iggy Azalea Wants You To Think That Her Coochie Lips Did Not Make An Appearance At The EMAs Last Night

November 11, 2013 / Posted by:

White Australian lady rapper (yes, a white Australian lady rapper exists in real life) Iggy Azalea probably figured that Miley Cyrus’ famished ham wallet would make an appearance at the MTV EMAs in Amsterdam last night, so she one upped the Lizard  Camel Toe Duchess of the South by letting her hairless albino beaver come out and say hi while adjusting her panties in front of the photographers on the carpet. I was just grateful my eyes weren’t laying on Miley’s chocha labios for once. I let out a queef of relief every time I see a vulva and it isn’t attached to Billy Ray’s kin. But wait. Right after this (NSWFish) picture of Iggy showing us what’s behind the black crotch curtain was passed around, she went on Twatter and twatted about how that isn’t one of her twat lips, it’s her front butt.

“Stared at Iggy Azalea’s crotch situation for a long 15 minutes” is on my list of shit I’ve done today and I’m still confused as to what’s going on down there. I don’t know what’s going on down there, but it looks like it’s slurping up her panties. This is why all high schools should teach front butt in human anatomy class. On another note, spraying pussy glue on your panties isn’t only a good way to keep your labia from the public, it’s also a good way to keep your stuff hairless throughout the night. Every time Iggy ripped her glued-on panties off to take a piss, she got an instant Brazilian.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Watch Out World Cause Here Comes Pippi Longstocking’s Sex Tape

August 27, 2013 / Posted by:

When I read the headline “Pippi Longstocking Star Sex Tape Being Shopped,” I thought they were talking about the original Pippi Longstocking and the pile of gutter sludge in my head pictured a 50-something-year-old Swede in ginger pigtails getting down with a dude while her monkey friend, Mr. Nilsson, sits on her shoulder and cheers her on. But TMZ’s talking about the American Pippi Longstocking Tami Erin. So boo hoo to you Swedish MILF porn lovers.

Tami Erin, who’s now 39 years old, played Pippi Longstocking in 1988’s New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking. After Pippi Longstocking, Erin’s career really didn’t go anywhere and everyone forgot she existed. But Tami Erin’s back and is letting all of us know that she’s all grown up by “leaking” a sex tape. TMZ says they’ve seen pieces of the tape and in it,  Pippi’s pussi (if she’s got pig tail pubes in her sex tape, I’m done) gets it on with an unidentified peen. The tape is currently being shopped around and is looking for the highest bidder. Tami foreshadowed this shit in an interview with The Daily Herald in April when she said that agents told her to do it Kim Kartrashian-style:

Is there anything Erin regrets. A mountain unclimbed? A challenge unmet? Anything?

“Yes,” she said. “I wish I had more roles where I could be really sexy and reveal that side of myself.”

Now, she may have the chance to do just that in her new quasi-autobiographical screenplay, “I Hope You Enjoy My Sex Tape.”

She got the title idea from agents, the “honey-sweetie-baby-I-know-what-you-need” type.

“I need a lead role in a studio movie that shows my emotional range!” she told them.

“No,” the agents told her, “you need a sex tape!”

“Whaaat? No!” Erin told us. “But that’s how people are getting famous these days, by making sex tapes. I don’t have a sex tape.”

Uh huh. Well, now that Pippi is on her way to being back on top (not really), she can finally get those “sexy” roles and I’m sure she’ll get a call from the producers of the public access original movie I Left My Cutlets On The Ho Stroll: The Phoebe Price Story.

And I’m not ashamed to admit that this song is on my iPhone, but now the lyrics mean totally something different to me:

And this masterpiece is also on my iPhone, and again, these lyrics also mean totally something different to me now:

It really is Scrubbing Day in more ways than one.

Lady CaCa Declares A Pop Emergency And Releases “Applause” Early

August 12, 2013 / Posted by:

Since Katy Perry’s cover of Sara Bareilles’Brave leaked out of pop music’s asshole a day early and is already #1 on iTunes, Lady CaCa pulled another one of her STUNT QUEEN moves by dramatically farting on Twitter about how the hackers are “leaking” pieces of her new single “Applause” and have forced her to release it a week early. Like CaCa was really going to let Katy Perry sit under the spotlight for more than two seconds. So CaCa is trying to press mute on Katy Perry’s “Roar” with this Euro gay club shit and yes, every time someone hits the play button on this, a gay dude covered in body glitter rips his tank top off and shakes his ass to this underneath a strobe light.

I’ve only listened to this mess once, but it sort of sounds like a constipated David Byrne doing spoken word while somebody plays Madge’s “Girls Gone Wild” backwards.

And here’s CaCa keeping it demure and understated in the catsuit version of Rose McGowan’s VMA dress while walking into the Chateau Marmont with her piece Taylor Kinney last night. Bitch’s irritated nalgas look like they’ve been through some serious shit and they’re over it. Either she’s torturing them by wearing thongs non-stop or she was just the pass-around power bottom in a butt sex orgy.

Pics: Pacific Coast News

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >