Miley Cyrus was on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show yesterday to push her electro-country song and its eyeroll-inducing woke video, and she talked about the wildfires which wrecked California recently. Miley was one of the celebrities who lost their home, and she talked about how Liam Hemsworth gallantly saved all of their animals from a blazing inferno. And no, she wasn’t talking about the animal on Billy Ray Cyrus’ head. Sadly, I think that animal has been dead for decades. And Miley also talked about how she and Liam keep the love alive by Facetime fucking.
The talk about Miley Cyrus’ wedding to Liam Hemsworth, has taken so many sharp turns, every new story should come with an Amazon link to a reasonably-priced neck brace. After three years apart, they hooked back up and got re-engaged, then denied they were engaged, then admitted they kind of were, then they weren’t getting married. The last rumor was that Miley and Liam got married in Australia after Christmas. A source that recently spoke to OK! Australia (via The Daily Mail) claims that not only are they not married, they’re calling things off all together.
Not very long after Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth got back together, she was seen wearing an engagement ring. So it seemed like it was inevitable that Miley would twerk down the aisle, but last month, a source let it be known that they already consider themselves to be married, and that they had “zero plans” for an “actual wedding.” They might not have been planning a wedding, but according to the Australian tabloid NW (via The Daily Dot), they recently got married.
Even though Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have been engaged for a while, there has yet to be the Royal Hillbilly/Aussie wedding of our dreams. While there has been some speculation of when Miley would make an honest man out of the spare Hemsworth, plans to walk down the aisle for those two are about as likely as Billy Ray Cyrus banishing jean jackets from his closet. Continue reading
I thought my day was made and I reached for the economy-sized jug of lube when I read the headline this morning about a Hemsworth being in tiny shorts. And then I pushed the economy-sized jug of lube away after realizing it was just Liam Hemsworth and I wasn’t going to get a picture of Thor’s mighty ass muscles putting the seams of shorty shorts to the test. Oh well, I’ll still take it.
So, like a mysterious rash on my ass, I’ve been avoiding addressing this shit, but it’s time. Starting right now, I’m taking a semi-sabbatical (I almost wrote “slutbatical” but that makes it sounds like I’m taking a break from being a slut) from writing on Dlisted for the rest of the summer to deal with health stuff, recharge my mushed-up brains and to write my 3,000 page unauthorized Phoebe Price biography (I wish). And yes, I can feel my mom rolling her eyes while saying, “Health stuff? Pfft, I made your lunch while dropping you off at school on my way to work after 45 minutes of sleep and coughing up pieces of my lungs because I had pneumonia!”
Miley Cyrus had three people in her life who were celebrating birthdays over this past week. Her little sister Noah Cyrus turned 18 on the 8th, and both her fiancé Liam Hemsworth and friend Wayne Coyne celebrated their birthdays on the 13th. Miley decided to save her stoner brain the trouble of remembering all those dates by rolling all three into one giant birthday party on Saturday.