I sometimes forget Miley Cyrus identifies as a queer person since the Bangerz days are behind her, and she looks like any other blonde Malibu chick who likes to hump on tall, hot dudes. Alas, it was back in 2015 when she first said she was pansexual, and in a new cover story, Miley says we best not be calling her a “L.U.G.” just because she’s married to Liam Hemsworth. A- there was no graduation, and B- their heterosexual love is New Age, dammit! It’s different from the plain ol’ boy-girl marriage it looks, sounds, and feels like!
Just because Mickey Mouse’s former bottom bitch Miley Cyrus got married last month doesn’t mean she immediately retired to a room to lay down and make babies with her husband Liam Hemsworth. Although, technically that would make her a fool since most people would take the entire year off just to spend all their time locked away with their legs wide open playing a perverted version of The Hunger Games with Liam called If You’re Hungry Eat This! Perhaps that’s just my fast ass, so pay me no mind. Miley shot down a rumor that she’s pregnant brought the most famous bitch on the planet into it.
When I first heard about Miley Cyrus getting maybe-married to Liam Hemsworth in Tennessee, I figured that was not a mistake because who wouldn’t want to get married at the mecca of mullets, hot chicken, and Dollywood? But Franklin, Tennessee wasn’t Miley and Liam’s first pick. They wanted to do it in Malibu, but the wildfire that destroyed their home there ruined their plans. Continue reading
Roasted possum, moonshine burps, and eternal hillbilly love (which strangely enough, also smells like moonshine burps) were in the air in Franklin, Tennessee last night. Because either Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth got married in a casual wedding at home, or they decided to take advantage of the slow ass Christmas “news” week by fucking with us. But all signs point to them getting hitched, and I’m sure many a Cyruses are wondering why a wedding went down when Miley doesn’t look she’s got a stage 4 CASE OF THE BABIES and they didn’t hear the sound of a shotgun.
If you looked at that headline and said, “THEM?!?” You had the same response I did. But I guess in the game of dick, 28-year-old Liam Hemsworth and 26-year-old Cole Sprouse (who plays Jughead in Riverdale and was a Disney channel kid star with his twin) have got the coochies of their girlfriends going off like a jackpot siren on a slot machine. Because they’re winners at the dick game, so say their girlfriends.
Miley Cyrus was on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show yesterday to push her electro-country song and its eyeroll-inducing woke video, and she talked about the wildfires which wrecked California recently. Miley was one of the celebrities who lost their home, and she talked about how Liam Hemsworth gallantly saved all of their animals from a blazing inferno. And no, she wasn’t talking about the animal on Billy Ray Cyrus’ head. Sadly, I think that animal has been dead for decades. And Miley also talked about how she and Liam keep the love alive by Facetime fucking.