I really didn’t think I was going to start my week with my brain farting up the picture of Vivica Fox sticking her tongue in 50 Cent’s wrinkled coin purse, but here we are.
The talk of 50 Cent’s ass getting itself a face full of Vivica started when she was on Watch What Happens Live last night. Andy Cohen brought up 50 Cent reposting an Instagram post that blamed Empire’s season 2 ratings dip on too much “extra gay stuff.” Anybody who has heard the rumors that 50 Cent loves some dick in his candy shop threw a level 10 side-eye at that move. Well, Vivica, who plays Cookie’s other sister Biscuit (I made that name up) on Empire this season, thought that was a good time to bring out the old rumors that her ex loves peen. Vivica basically said that 50 thinking that Empire is “too gay” is the dick-loving pot calling the dick-loving kettle a dick lover.
A few years ago, MySpace pin-up Tom Hardy said in a magazine interview that he played around with peen when he was in his 20s, but he’s strictly clitly now. Tom later pulled a “no homo” when he said his words were twisted around in that interview and he wants us all to know that a dick has never parted his ass lips and his peen has never been in another man. So in other words, Tom Hardy’s juicy peen-sucking lips have probably been around a peen. Well, during a press conference at the Toronto International Film Festival for his new movie Legend, a reporter for the LGBT site Daily Xtra brought up his sexuality and he wasn’t having it.
Happy Christmas morning to all of the gay gold diggers! This morning, Apple CEO Tim Cook, whose net worth is reportedly $400 million, became every gay gold digger’s dream man when he publicly came out for his love of peen in a thoughtful and important essay for Bloomberg Businessweek. Tim hasn’t exactly been playing mahjong with John Travolta in the back room of the closet. Tim has been openly out to his family, friends and colleagues. If you asked Siri “Is Tim Cook gay?” she’d tell you to check the Apple site, which translates into “Duh, bitch!” Today is the first time he told the world, “iGay!” Tim starts off his coming out essay by saying that he’s tried to keep his private life private, because he wants all of the focus to be on the overpriced products that mysteriously start breaking right before the new version comes out. Tim says that he decided to come out and talk about his personal life, because maybe hearing that the CEO of Apple is gay will help someone who feels alone or inspire others to “insist on their equality.” After the cut are a few pieces of what Tim wrote. You can read the whole thing here.
It seemed like every time Olympic gold medal-winning Australian swimmer and pearl necklace model (too easy) Ian Thorpe would sit down for an interview, the interviewer would start off by asking, “So, Ian, do your nipples get hard when the tip of a hard peen touches your tongue? YES OR NO?” Over the years, Ian has been asked if he’s gay at least ten thousand times and he has denied away every single time. Ian practically won the gold medal in denying. For years, Ian told everyone that he’s a vagina-loving vagina lover who loves nothing more than vagina and he loves vagina so much that when he swims he pictures himself swimming toward a giant vagina. Vagina. Ian wrote in his 2012 memoirs that all the gay questions hurt him and that hos not believing he’s straight was an attack on his character. Well, after years and years doing the backstroke along the river of denial, bitches can stop asking Ian if he puckers for peen, because he’s finally come out.
In an interview with Sir Michael Parkinson on Channel 10, Ian, who was recently in rehab for a booze and bad shit addiction, says that he’s been going through some shit and that he got the sads in a major way while hitting the gay rumors with denials. via The Daily Telegraph
The 31-year-old confirms his sexuality for the first time Sunday in an exclusive interview on Channel 10, telling all to veteran British interviewer Sir Michael Parkinson.
It’s understood the interview, which Parkinson has described as one of the best he has ever conducted, includes a full admission from Thorpe that he is gay despite having dated women in the past.
The Sunday Telegraph says: A momentous and deeply brave act
In the emotional sit-down shot last month, Thorpe also details the years of depression he has battled while denying his sexuality from the world. Part of that concealment included his own autobiography This Is Me, published in 2012, in which Thorpe wrote that he found questions about his sexuality hurtful.
Better late than never and I’d like to think Ian planned it so that the news of him coming out came out on International Gay Day (aka Richard Simmons’ birthday)! Let’s hope the International Gay Day gifts keep coming and by that I mean let’s hope John Travola finally twirls out of the closet that hasn’t had a door on it since the 90s. Anyway, congratulations, Thorpedo, and Happy Richard Simmons’ Birthday!
TRUE BLOOD SPOILER ALERT: But really, if you haven’t watched last night’s episode, then this is probably a spoiler that your down low parts want to be alerted to.
Bless the genius soul who shouted, “HOT GAY SEX!“, during a meeting when all the other producers and writers asked, “How in the hell are we going to fix this mess of a show?” Hot gay sex is always the answer to every single question. Some True Blood watchers are probably picking dried panty pudding nuggets out of their carpet this morning, because a quick minute into last night’s episode, HBO became the gay Skinemax channel and it was beautiful. Jason Stackhouse (Side note: Jason Stackhouse could totally play a young Dubya in a gay porn parody) had another gay wet dream and his latest one starred Panty Creamer Hall of Famer and giant viking vampire sex god Eric.
If every TV in the world shut down and stopped working, it would be okay, because the greatest scene in the history of television has aired and all the TV people can go home now. Their jobs are done. Someone said on another blog that the scene was completely unnecessary and totally pandering, but they need to be slapped twice across the face with the definition of “unnecessary,” because that Sean Cody with mood lighting scene was completely necessary. Ask all the slobbering v-holes and b-holes out there. There was even a major plot twist. Jason is a top!
Thank you to everyone who took part in creating the camera. Thank you to everyone who took part in creating HBO. Thank you to everyone who took part in creating ASkars. And I even want to thank everyone who took part in creating that cheesy background music. Because together, they created this beautiful, beautiful fanfiction come-to-life scene that is relevant to all of my interests. The only way it could’ve been better is if a naked Alcide busted through the wall and he and Eric spit roasted Jason. I’m sure the writers are saving that for the finale. Keep the pandering coming!
And it would be a perfect season if every episode was full of nothing but Jason’s wet dreams. Correction: It would be a perfect season if one episode showed Soooookeh and Beeeehl dying slow deaths and the rest of the episodes were full of nothing but Jason’s wet dreams.
The only video I found on YT is drowning in music, so it’s best if you watch it on mute with a tub of lube by your side.
Illinois congressman Aaron Schock (whose last name sounds like the name of a fetish involving the urge to electrocute your cock) has long said that he doesn’t gargle on dick even though some think that it’s pretty clear that he does (see: this picture, which is gayer than the picture of a 9-year-old me throwing red glitter in the air while wearing a kangaroo costume and purple Converse. No, I will not share that picture with that class!). On Thursday, The America Blog posted the 7 Gayest Aaron Schock Instagram Posts of 2013, which made Aaron Schock put a lock on his Instagram account and inspired former CBS reporter Itay Hod, who is gay, to pretty much out a bitch in a Facebook post. On a side note, every time I look at that picture, I think to myself that it’s the kind of picture you’d see on Grindr under the words, “no fatz, no femz, no asianz, no blackz and no only bottomz.”
Itay Hod writes on Facebook (via Queerty) that he knows of a certain Republican congressman from Illinois who is gay and he knows this for sure, because one of his “friends” caught that certain Republican congressman showering with another dude. Itay Hod writes that he knows a lot of people are against outing, but he thinks it’s okay to drag that Republican congressman out of the closet by the hair, because that Republican congressman’s peen tastes like hypocrisy. Aaron Schock has publicly said that he’s against marriage equality, he voted against adding sexual orientation to federal hate crimes statutes and he was opposed to the repeal of DOMA. Itay goes on to write that the media has an obligation to expose the trick, because it’s not right that he’s voting anti-gay while sucking Irish Spring suds off of another dude’s dick in the shower. You can read all of Itay’s post here, but below is a piece of it:
here’s a hypothetical: what if you know a certain GOP congressman, let’s just say from Illinois, is gay… and you know this because one of your friends, a journalist for a reputable network, told you in no uncertain terms that he caught that GOP congressman and his male roommate in the shower… together. now they could have been good friends just trying to conserve water. but there’s more. what if this congressman has also been caught by tmz cameras trolling gay bars. now what if you know that this very same guy, the darling of the gop, has also voted against repeal of don’t ask don’t tell, opposed the repeal of doma, is against gay marriage; and for the federal marriage amendment, which would add language to the us constitution banning gay marriage and would likely strike down every gay rights law and ordinance in the country?
Are we still not allowed to out him?
let me ask another question… doesn’t the media have an OBLIGATION to expose his hypocrisy? if he had done something so hypocritical and he wasn’t gay, wouldn’t we demand journalists do their job? but they can’t… because we won’t let them. you’re not allowed to out ANYONE, we tell them.
At the bottom of Itay’s post is a link to that 7 Gayest Aaron Schock Instagram Posts post.
In Aaron Schock’s defense, there could be a different reason for why he was showering with another dude. Maybe Aaron’s “friend” just had shoulder surgery, or something, and couldn’t wash his own asshole, so Aaron helped him out. Maybe Aaron’s “friend” is deathly allergic to sponges and puffs, so Aaron squirted a little shower gel on his tongue and used it to clean his “friend’s” b-hole. That’s really what friends are for. It’s totally possible. Ask John Travolta, he does that for all of his fellow straight friends.
But seriously, he’s not supposed to be outed like this. He’s supposed to out himself when he gets caught sucking dick in the bathroom of some airport. That’s how it’s supposed to happen!
Oh, and Aaron Schock follows Tom Daley on Instagram. That says everything that needs to be said.
Whenever I walk by the closet door, I peek in to wink at Queen Latifah, throw a “hey, girl” at Taylor Lautner and sometimes I squint while trying to figure out who the fat, balding Eastern European grandmother is until I realize it’s just John Travolta without his hair on. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen Brian Boitano in there. He must’ve been in the closet kitchen making lunch for them all, because apparently he was in there and just twirled out today. Brian Boitano is part of Team Shade To Russia (aka a team of 10 American athletes appointed by Obama) who will represent America’s LGBT at the 2014 Sochi Olympics. Brian released a statement after Obama appointed his ass:
“I am many things: a son, a brother, and uncle, a friend, an athlete, a cook, an author, and being gay is just one part of who I am, It is my desire to be defined by my achievements and my contributions. While I am proud to play a public role in representing the American Olympic Delegation as a former Olympic athlete, I have always reserved my private life for my family and friends and will continue to do so.
First and foremost I am an American athlete and I am proud to live in a country that encourages diversity, openness and tolerance. As an athlete, I hope we can remain focused on the Olympic spirit which celebrates achievement in sport by peoples of all nations.”
So far today, Brian Boitano came out and New Mexico’s Supreme Court ruled that everybody can get married in their state! I hope that the gay news trifecta is completed when Variety announces that Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley signed on for a reboot of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? called Whatever Happened To Baby Cristal?
And now let’s celebrate with a song that won’t leave your head until Sunday.
Bronze medal-winning British Olympic diver and the sweetheart twink of the 2012 Olympics Tom Daley made all of his fangirls loudly weep into their crotches this morning when he said in a video that he’s been diving into the peen pond for the last few months. Tom says in the video that he met a very special dude a few months ago and has been wrapping his heart (and other parts) around him ever since. Tom didn’t spill the name of his boyfriend, but it’s not hard to figure out who he is. He’s the one on the streets of London whose face is loudly saying, “Yes, I get to fill Tom Daley’s rock hard cum gutters every day. Stay jealous, whores.”
While staring off to the side (WHY AREN’T YOU LOOKING ME IN THE EYE, TOM?!!!), the 19-year-old diving twinkie told his fans that he’s always dated chicks but he’s dating a dude now:
“I’ve been dating girls and I’ve never really had a serious relationship to talk about and now I feel ready to talk about my relationships. Come spring this year my life changed massively when I met someone and it made me feel so happy, so safe, and everything just feels great. And, well, that someone is a guy.”
Tom says that he’s talking about this, because he wants to set the record
straight bi after The Mirror twisted his words in an interview. Tom also let it be known that coochie isn’t completely off of his plate. He’s dating a dude right now, but he’s still into girls. So Tom is bi or he’s just cruising along the bi highway before switching to the gay highway or whatever. I’m happy for Tom, Tom’s boyfriend and both of their fuck parts.
Maria Bello came out over the weekend, Tom Daley came out today, so we just need one more coming out to complete the coming out trifecta! The ball (pun intended) is in your court, Travolta!
I stopped watching The Biggest Loser, because I could feel that muscular Steven Tyler look-alike Jillian Michaels judging me as I poured crumbs from a bag of Famous Amos directly into the not-so-famous anus on my face, but I really thought that Bob Harper proudly declared his love of hard dick and man ass a long, long time ago. I was wrong, because last night, I got a few emails telling me that Bob Harper came out on an episode of The Biggest Loser. At that moment I wish that I would’ve read the name “Bob Harper” as “Bob Barker,” because the image of Bob Barker spraying his tanned old man gravy on a pair of man nalgas would’ve been the perfect nighttime treat.
On last night’s episode, 48-year-old Bob Harper publicly came out to contestant Bobby Saleem who was struggling with coming out to his father. As Bobby threw a , “Girl, we know,” look, Bob Harper said to him:
“I’m gay. I knew a very long time ago that I was gay. When I ‘came out’ I was 17 years old, it was one of those kind of things, where I realized there was going to be so many obstacles. But being gay doesn’t mean that you are less than any.body.else. It’s just who you are.”
After the show, Bob Harper thanked all of his Twitter followers for filling his eyes with words of support.
And I think my headline should really read: Bob Harper Comes Out As A 48-Year-Old… because DAMN.
On Watch What Happens Live Last night, Andy Cohen had on some of the whores from past Real World/Road Rule Challenges and a caller asked each of them if they’ve ever wet humped on a trick during a challenge. The truthful answer is: YES! ALL OF THEM! Seriously, as soon as those sluts walk into the RW/RR house, their clothes come off, the fire sprinklers shoot out lube and they all stick each other’s fuck parts into each other. They all screw each other. It’s like a really low-rent Caligula. But most of them lied and said that they’ve never touched genitals with another trick during a Challenge. My dreamboat CT, Bethasaurus and Ruthie all claimed that they haven’t (LIES!). Paula pleaded the fifth and Danny Roberts said that he has, but he’s not going to name names, because the dude is straight and married now. ESCANDALO (to those of us who watched this mess)!!!!
Danny dropped a few hints. He said the dude is married now and once dated Trashelle (government name: Trishelle). Trashelle called Danny one day and screamed at him, because she was mad that his peen and her boyfriend’s peen touched. NewNowNext used those clues to narrow it down. The Miz, Steven Hill and Adam Larson all dated Trashelle.
NewNowNext scratched Steven Hill out, because Trashelle denied it was him on her Twatter. That leaves The Miz and Adam. I want it to be The Miz and The Miz makes sense since he oils up to wrestle dudes while half-naked for a living, but he’s only engaged. Adam is married, though, and he is giving me “90s soft-core gay porn” in that picture.
But I not-so-secretly wish it was none of them. I wish it was CT, because CT has flared nostrils made for nose fucking. Can’t you just hear him screaming, “I can smell you cumming, brah! I can smell you cumming!”