You could say that the standard expectations of Santa Claus are spelled out pretty explicitly in the lyrics of “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town.” He makes a list, he checks it twice to determine if you’re naughty or nice, watches you while you sleep, you get the picture. But when Santa stops at London’s iconic department store, his list-checking will also involve an in-store credit check to determine if you’re rich enough to sit on his lap. Because the Harrods Santa is not for the poors.
As expected, Reese Witherspoon’s 18-year-old daughter Ava Phillippe made her debut into high society at the 25th annual Bal des Debutantes in Paris on Saturday. The rich and famous aren’t so much different from you and I. I’m sure there’s an 18 year old out there who also went to Paris to debut into society this weekend. Sure, it was an online $19.99 dress store called Paryss and the debut was in a club called Society. Still fancy, just a different, less boring kind of fancy.
28-year-old Colton Haynes, who came out out last year, has been dating 46-year-old floral artiste Jeff Leatham for a total of three seconds. Or maybe it’s been two or three months. I haven’t totally kept track of the goings on of Colton Haynes’ newly-ish out peen. Colton and Jeff haven’t been together that long, but I guess they’ve already been struck with stage 10 dickmatization and their hearts can’t stop barfing out love for each other, because they got engaged. And Colton’s flower daddy did it up. Jeff proposed to Colton with help from flowers, candles, an opulent Mexican resort, a fireworks show and CHER! The only way Jeff’s proposal could’ve been more glamorously gay is if a hologram Liberace serenaded them on a tiny gold piano while sliding down a rainbow as a bevy of swans in gold crowns presented Colton with his engagement ring.
For the past two years, Natalie Portman has lived in Paris with her French husband and her half-French kid. Natalie is a not-so-secret snooty person, so of course she loved talking about how chic and sophistiqué her new home was compared to that cheez-gobbling slob America. Especially when it comes to clothing. Natalie seems to really like getting out her extendible gold-plated pointer and showing the class (us uncultured yokels) the difference between American and French fashion. For example, thanks to Natalie, I learned that people in Paris would never be caught dead wearing shorts. It sounded like there were so many rules. Natalie won’t be getting that French superiority high anymore, because she recently moved back to Los Angeles.
Tales Of Celebrity Sadness: Matt Damon’s Kids Were Denied Admission To A Fancy Private School In Brooklyn
Based on my very limited knowledge of dealing with famous people, I have always thought that the first rule of dealing with a famous person was that you never say no. Never! You just don’t do it. If a famous person asks “Can I have a water?“, you give them one. If they ask “Can I have a kidney?“, you give them one. But Matt Damon recently proved that there are some things that even Matt Damon can’t get just because he’s Matt “Oscar-Winner” Damon.
While working a freshly shined Corinthian leather tan that can only be achieved when your suntan assistant uses a bamboo spatula to gently smear organic coconut oil on your body right before the sun star crosses the meridian, Goopy Paltrow did an interview type thing at the BlogHer15 conference (via The Independent) in NYC on Friday. Goopy mostly talked about the greatest comedy site on the Internet, GOOP, but since GOOP talk makes most people bust into a 4 step yawn, she also gooped at the mouth about how things are going with her first ex-husband Chris Martin.