Category: Today
Hoda Kotb Is Reportedly Getting $18 Million Less Than Matt Lauer As Co-Anchor Of “Today”
It was announced yesterday that Hoda Kotb would officially be taking over from Matt Lauer as co-anchor of Today. Hoda might have gotten Matt’s job, but she sure as shit didn’t inherit his paycheck.
Hoda Kotb Has Officially Taken Over Matt Lauer’s Job At “Today”
If you didn’t look at the little words on that cover, you might think that Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb found mid-life lesbian love with each other, left their men and announced their gayelle union with a head-to-head pose on the cover of People! But Savannah and Hoda are now a different kind of partners. Hoda announced on Today and People this morning that she will permanently co-anchor the show with Savannah. Hoda is now the unofficial Queen of Today, because she’ll also keep continuing to host the “Happy Hour” of Today (aka the fourth hour with Kathie Lee Gifford). So the final hour of Today won’t be KLG singing show tunes and Jesus songs with a half-empty bottle of Pinot in the stool next to her.
NBC Has A New Sexual Harassment Policy: Nark Or You’re Fired!
In the wake of Matt Lauer emerging as an alleged serial workplace creep, the higher-ups at the network have issued strict orders of how to handle sexual harassment, and it goes something like this: Point at the doll where one of those sneaky snake Dateline anchors did something to Peggy in accounting or your ass is no longer going to have a job. Continue reading
“Today’s” Ratings Have Soared Since Matt Lauer Got Canned
Where in the world is Matt Lauer? Nobody gives a fuck! NBC is riding a ratings wave since the smug anchor had to forcibly exit stage right in the wake of his pervy behavior.
Variety reports Ann Curry was spotted doing the nae nae as she bought herself something nice at Bloomingdale’s. No, Variety is actually reporting that Today is outperforming Good Morning America for the second week in a row. NBC is usually boasts about how they win in the 25 to 54 demographic (aka the one advertisers care about), but they can now brag about winning overall ratings.
Matt Lauer Is Truly Sorry
And I am truly sorry for once again causing your corneas to nearly collapse by punching your poor eyeballs with the horrifying sight of Matt Lauer looking like a Hill Have Eyes creature in rockabilly chola drag as Lucy from the Peanuts.
It was inevitable for Matt Lauer to pull down his pants (well, according to the stories, it’s always inevitable for him to do that), spread his cheeks and caca out a carefully worded statement about getting fired from NBC News for allegedly sexually harassing a co-worker. NBC News de-douched Today this week after one colleague went to HR with a detail complaint about Matt Weinstein-ing her. Variety and The New York Times also posted pieces that claimed Matt flashed his dick at female employees, told a co-worker he wanted to use a gifted sex toy on her, sexted interns and assaulted a colleague, which made her pass out. (Matt being the gentlemen he is, got his assistant to take her to see a nurse.) Matt gave an EXCLUSIVO statement to his old job, and Savannah Guthrie read it on Today this morning. Matt is sorry, and since trick is unemployed, his new full-time job is “soul searching.” To which a nation screams, “Bitch, go do some hole searching (not that kind of hole!), meaning find a hole, get in it and never come out.”
Justice 4 Ann Curry: Matt Lauer Got Fired By NBC For Sexual Harassment
When the Fall of Pervs 2017 started to hit the world of TV news and Ryan Seacrest was accused (sort of) and Charlie Rose went down, I waited and waited for the creepy perv curtain to be lifted off of bald pillar of potent smug Matt Lauer. Well, that day has come… and you probably didn’t read anything beyond “was accused” because your vision was blurred by the tears you let out while laugh crying over me saying that sneaky garden gnome Ryan Seacrest is in the world of TV news.
But anyway, NBC News announced today that after getting a detailed sexual harassment complaint from an employee on Monday night, they have fired the seemingly untouchable don of morning TV. Meanwhile, employees at Good Morning America are making a mental note to keep the receipt for the holiday gifts they bought for George Stephanopoulos and Michael Strahan.