When the Fall of Pervs 2017 started to hit the world of TV news and Ryan Seacrest was accused (sort of) and Charlie Rose went down, I waited and waited for the creepy perv curtain to be lifted off of bald pillar of potent smug Matt Lauer. Well, that day has come… and you probably didn’t read anything beyond “was accused” because your vision was blurred by the tears you let out while laugh crying over me saying that sneaky garden gnome Ryan Seacrest is in the world of TV news.
But anyway, NBC News announced today that after getting a detailed sexual harassment complaint from an employee on Monday night, they have fired the seemingly untouchable don of morning TV. Meanwhile, employees at Good Morning America are making a mental note to keep the receipt for the holiday gifts they bought for George Stephanopoulos and Michael Strahan.
NBC News chairman Andrew Lack said in his statement that the sexual harassment complaint they got on Monday from a colleague was the first one they got about Matt Lauer during his 20 years at the network (insert SideEyeFromEveryFemaleEmployeeAtNBCNews.GIF here). NBC News reviewed the complaint and fired Matt for clearly violating their standards. Andrew also said that they believe there’s more incidents involving Matt Lauer harassing other employees. Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb opened Today this morning with the news of Matt’s firing. They both said that they just found out themselves, are devastated and are still reconciling with the fact that the man they love has been accused of being trash. As Savannah read that statement, Ann Curry (who apparently felt Matt played a huge role in her firing) skipped to her wine fridge, pulled out the bottle of champagne she’s been saving for this moment, popped it open and poured some into a mug with the words “Matt Lauer’s tears” on it. Ann Curry’s sweet revenge!
Matt Lauer has been terminated from NBC News. On Monday night, we received a detailed complaint from a colleague about inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace by Matt Lauer. As a result, we’ve decided to terminate his employment. pic.twitter.com/1A3UAZpvPb
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) November 29, 2017
Page Six heard that the female staffer told the bosses at NBC that the smarmy glob of dick discharge sexually assaulted her during the Sochi Winter Olympics in 2014. A source said that the woman went to HR on Monday night and her evidence was “so compelling” that NBC News dropped Matt on Tuesday. The woman also has evidence that other women were harassed by Matt.
Before you go and pat the NBC peacock on its feathered back for doing the right thing, NBC News was probably just trying to save face and get ahead of the news that was coming. CNN says that The New York Times and Variety were both working on Matt Lauer exposés. The New York Times has been working on their story for the past two weeks, and Variety has been working on theirs for two months. Variety’s New York Bureau Chief, Ramin Setoodeh, tweeted that NBC News knew they were working on a story about Matt. Suddenly, NBC News refusing to air Ronan Farrow’s Harvey Weinstein piece makes so much sense. That sneaky peacock didn’t want to ruffle any feathers out of fear that the dark, gross secrets hiding in its own feathers would be exposed.
Even if you never heard the rumors and blind items about Matt, you should’ve known this was coming. I mean, when Matt Lauer was reporting on sexual harassment he pronounced it “hair-ess-ment.” You ain’t British, bitch! And also, Katie Couric told us in 2012. This clip from Watch What Happens Live! has been making the rounds this morning. At the 2:00 mark, Andy Cohen asks Katie what Matt’s most annoying habit was, and she said, “He pinches me on the ass a lot.”
I bet that Tommy Cruise is joining the chorus of cacklers this morning. Tommy knew too! When he called Matt Lauer “glib,” he didn’t mean it in a “thoughtless and insincere” kind of way. GLIB is an acronym for Gross Lecherous Icky Boobygroper.
And this news may also shed light on why Today producers always made Matt Lauer dress in drag for Halloween. They probably figured that for one day of the year Matt could harass and grope himself instead of female staffers.