Katy Perry Is One Giant Step Closer To Making That Nunnery Hers!

A group of Roman Catholic nuns in Los Angeles are currently throwing holy water at Lady Justice and condemning a certain judge’s soul to the depths of hell, because they lost hard in their battle to keep their precious convent out of the clutches of Katy Perry’s unholy chichis!

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Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom Have Taken Their Pure Love To Hawaii

As John Mayer’s self-proclaimed David Duke dick hits the road to campaign for Donald Trump, his ex-piece Katy Perry (born name: JonBenét Ramsey) went off to Hawaii with her piece-of-the-moment Orlando Bloom. They first started eye-fucking and flirting with each other at a Golden Globes after-party in January and almost 2 months later, they’re still bumping nipples and bouncing on each other’s wet parts. 2 months is practically 15 years in famous people time, so I guess this means that they should get a couple name. I’m going with Blorry. It sounds like what you’d call a blow job on a lorry.  It’s perfect.

Entertainment Tonight says that Katy Perry did a private show at the Grand Wailea Resort in Maui last week. Orlando joined her and when Legolas didn’t have a face full of her Misty Mountains at the private house they rented, they went hiking and to dinner and a helicopter ride. Some witness, who was in the same restaurant as them, told ET that Katy and Orlando nearly made everyone in the place gag on their luau pig as they got into some sickly PDA action. Rude whores, people are trying to eat!

“They looked very loved up and really into each other. They were comfortable letting everyone see them as a couple — lots of PDA and hand-holding. It seemed very romantic and they both smiled a lot, and looked to really enjoy each other’s company.”

ET also has a bunch of pictures of Blorry holding hands. Here’s one of Orlando Bloom’s right nipple trying to get a peak of Katy Perry’s chichis.

EXCLUSIVE: @KatyPerry and a shirtless Orlando Bloom hold hands in Hawaii. 👫 https://t.co/h38SKeXeZJ pic.twitter.com/jqHuP1x3Ea

— EntertainmentTonight (@etnow) February 29, 2016

Click here to see the rest of the pictures. You know, I was going to say that Orlando Bloom is a major, major, MAJOR upgrade from John Mayer, because John Mayer, but then I saw the picture of him dressed like a Hawaiian cholo. I didn’t need the image of Legolas saying, “Aloha, vato!”

Pic: Getty

All Of The Important People In The World Were At The Adele Concert Last Night

Everyone who you’re not and never will be was at the Adele show in LA last night. Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, and John Mayer were among the crowd screaming like the final girl in a horror movie when Adele went “Hello…”.

Here’s some slightly blurry and sort of far-away shots of the various celebrities entering and/or exiting the theater. Let’s see, there’s Katy Perry’s ass arriving. As you will note in those particular shots, I type that literally. Later on, you get to see her and Orlando Bloom exiting out of the VIP fire escape. Katy’s coat is giving me an uncomfortable feeling because it bears an eerie resemblance to my apricot-colored teacup poodle. For serious, his fur is the exact shade and consistency as that piece of apparel. He’s still here and not skinned. I checked. The last thing I need is some pop skeeve with breasts that shoot non-lactate substances breaking into my home and de-furring my dog.

There’s Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone exiting the side door as well. Joy seems to be trying to assist Ms. Stone in navigating those stairs. Drunks! But who doesn’t get shittoed at concerts? It should be noted that someone at the Wiltern obviously hates celebs. Making tricks who can afford the really quality booze and drugs exit down a really high staircase post-concert is asking for ambulances. I’m not judging!

According to TMZ, John Mayer was in attendance with a new lucky lady who’s hopefully had all of her shots. I hope there was some weirdness between him and Katy and Legolas. Legolas is the kind of douche who will slap at another douche so perhaps their celebrity skyboxes got crossed somehow and there was friction.

In lower-tier famous news, David Foster and Gayle King (see below) were on the premises. Wait, are they dating? Does that Lyme-disease claimin’ Yolanda Foster chick know that her ex is stepping out with Oprah’s lady? Shit, does Oprah know? Gayle better proceed with caution. Or the next president she’ll be interviewing will be at the Career Center because O will consign her to the curb.

Check out more pics of Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, David Foster, and Gayle King in the gallery.

Pics: Splash

Katy Perry’s Latest Date With Orlando Bloom Almost Got Crashed By John Mayer

Katy Perry and her current maybe-boyfriend Orlando Bloom are still doing the whole casual relationship thing (their matchmaker, that vape pen, must be so proud), and according to Page Six, shit almost got nine levels of awkward on their last date.

Katy and Orlando were attending a birthday dinner the Sunset Tower Hotel on Wednesday night with a whole mess of famous types, like Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. And as luck (or that vengeful bitch karma) would have it, guess who just so happened to saunter into the Sunset Tower as they were having dinner? Patient zero for vaginal vinegar poisoning himself, John Mayer. A witness claims John skipped the bar and made a beeline for the elevators, and they *think* it’s because he knew two of his ex-girlfriends were inside. Or maybe he hauled ass to the elevators because he was six seconds from a butt blowout? You don’t know, witness!

Of course there is a chance John Mayer knew Katy Perry was in the bar with his replacement. I wouldn’t put it past that sneaky bimbo to use his boner like a divining rod and track down his exes. But clearly his inner Jiminy Cricket told him to leave them alone, and Katy and Orlando were able to enjoy their date without having to do that fake as hell “Oh heeeyyyy” when you run into an ex in public.

As for how things are going between Katy and Orlando, Page Six says several witnesses confirm that Katy and Orlando’s flirt game is still strong.

“Orlando and Katy had that new-relationship glow about them. They were cuddling and flirting with each other all night.”

Meanwhile, another witness described Orlando like this: “He looks like an old baby.” I have no idea what the hell that means either, but I love it. I’m sure there are at least a dozen Hollywood-types asking their plastic surgeons “Can you make me look like an old baby?” as we speak.

Pic: Splash

Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom Went To A Play Together

It looks like we can upgrade Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom’s situation from “Flirting” to “Engaging in low-pressure social activities together.” Be careful you two, or your relationship is bound to get whiplash from moving so fast.

Shortly after the booze-induced brain fog wore off from the night before, everyone ran to the cafeteria and started whispering about how Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom were seen “flirting” and “sharing a vape pen” during a Golden Globes afterparty. Clearly they enjoyed all that flirting and vaping, because UsWeekly says were seen together backstage during a performance of a play in Culver City on Thursday night. But did they share a vape pen???

Evidence of Katy and Orlando’s casual date also showed up online when they took a selfie with the play’s star and he threw it up on Instagram. However, the most IMPORTANT part of this story is that it looks like Katy and Orlando were on a double-date with 90s legend (in my mind) Vinessa Shaw! It’s OK, I’ll forgive you for not noticing such an significant detail; your eyes no doubt skipped right past Kimberly Mullen from Ladybugs and went straight to Orlando Bloom’s bad boy earring. If you want to know what the play was about, I wouldn’t ask Katy Perry. I’m sure she spent the entire time texting her friends: “OMG am sitting next to Allison from Hocus Pocus.”

Speaking of Orlando’s sexy cool dad earring, here’s more of Orlando strolling out of The Nice Guy last night wearing pretty much the exact same outfit he wore on his date with Katy Perry. Fun Fact: the photo agency tells me he left The Nice Guy and went to a strip club. Dirty clothes and a trip to the strippers? Watch out, John Mayer, you’ve got some competition!

Pics: Instagram, Splash

Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom Were Seen “Flirting” With Each Other After The Golden Globes

According to pretty much EVERYONE (but specifically Vanity Fair, UsWeekly, E!, and People), Katy Perry – the Golden Globes presenter that made the majority of viewers turn to the person sitting beside them and whisper “Wait, why is she here?“, and Orlando Bloom – the Golden Globes presenter who I initially thought was a cleaned-up Charlie Sheen, might be a thing that is happening.

A whole bunch of blabbermouths who attended Harvey Weinstein’s afterparty squealed on Katy and Orlando by claiming they spent a good chunk of the night together doing the following: whispering, flirting, being flirty, leaning in close, getting super cozy, “sharing a vape pen“, and dancing together. One source added that Orlando would “touch the small of her back” when talking to her. The small of her back? Calm down, you two! It’s Harvey Weinstein’s Golden Globes afterparty, not the orgy scene from Caligula.

Obviously, Katy and Orlando’s G-rated middle school dance antics could be nothing more than two drunk n’ horny famous types who accidentally brushed up against each other on the way to the bar and were like “Oooh, let’s do that again, but on purpose.” Or maybe hooking up with some random dick like Orlando was Katy checking off Step 4 in her 12-Step dickmatization recovery program. That’s probably it.

Because it was one of the hottest looks of the night, here’s more of Katy Perry looking like the first runner-up in something called a Miss Atlantic Titty pageant.

Pics: Getty, Splash, Wenn.com