The Ginger In Red……..

The BAFTAs happened in London tonight and they’re just like the Oscars except after the ceremony ends the losers are escorted to THE QUEEN’s dungeon where they’re turned into Corgi food.

All award season long (yes, I hate myself for typing that too), the ginger goddess of perfection that is Julianne Moore has mostly dressed like a kindergarten art teacher who fell onto the craft table after the kids made Valentines for their parents and tonight she finally brought the glamour. For once, people weren’t asking her, “Who are you wearing,” because they wanted to make sure to never buy shit from that designer. Julianne, who won Best Actress at the BAFTAs tonight, is giving me “torch song singer at a club where mobsters hold their meetings” glamour. I’m surprised that carpet didn’t turn a bright shade of green when it saw Julianne because it was jealous over her wearing the color red better than it.

I know, I’m not right for choosing a picture of Julianne looking like she’s trying not to wet heave, but it was the only picture where you could see a peek of her shoe (you’re welcome, Quentin Tarantino). She’s probably just gagging on her own glamour. The only way these pictures of Julianne would be hotter is if a naked Prince Hot Ginge was doing jumping jacks behind her.

I’m going to post more from the BAFTAs, but in the meantime here’s some pictures of others including Dianna Agron (I guess Britain is importing seat fillers from America now), the Bond Girls and Rosamund Pike.

Pics: Wenn.com

Once Again, Lupita Nyong’o Shows The Red Carpet How It’s Done

You know you’re a legend-in-the-making when you roll up to the SAG Awards and serve up a hot slice of red carpet eleganza better than the SAG Awards red carpet itself. I bet the red carpet spent the rest of the night hissing “That bitch stole my look!” to anyone who would listen before finally accepting the fact that Lupita Nyong’o did it better. Bitch color-coordinated her dress to everything around her! That’s commitment.

Yes, technically Lupita’s dress is a typical fancy awards show dress, but it also sort of looks like what I imagine Beetlejuice’s prom date wore to the Netherworld High prom, or a piece of avant-garde Christmas wrapping paper. Lupita’s dress looks like the curtains Maria would use to make power suits for the von Trapp children if they ever remade The Sound of Music and set it in 1984. But more than anything, it reminds me a piece of goth Fruit Stripe gum, and I love it, because I love goths and I love Fruit Stripe gum.

Also, it’s got one of those huge-ass skirts you can sit with your legs wide open in all night and won’t show wine stains, which always gets two ketchup chip crumb-covered thumbs up from a slob like me.

Here’s more of Lupita working it out on the red carpet, as well as Emma Stone (whose shady goth real estate agent dress tried to take out Naomi Watts), a My Little Victoria Pony-looking Lorelei Linklater, Laverne Cox who – as usual – did Beyonce better than Beyonce, and everyone else:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Where’s The Petition To Make Natalie Dormer The President Of HBO?

Games of Thrones is filled more tits than Hugh Hefner’s prune mouth during a conveyor belt orgy and many fans (and hos like me who don’t watch all the time but would if it was peen-ier) have screamed for less rape and MOAR DIK! Seen above throwing a face that says, “My lady nipples are on strike until GoT gets more peen,” Natalie Dormer tells The Daily Beast that GoT could definitely use several more servings of man salchicha. The Daily Beast brought up the “Show Us Dem Titties” mandate that HBO apparently has and asked Natalie Dormer if she thinks GoT should throw a bone (or several) at the peen lovers who watch the show. The Bitchy Resting Face Duchess said this about shoving more dick into GoT:

“Well, during the first season Alfie, Richard, and several of the men got naked—although not all the way. I suppose it’s just the rules of broadcast television, isn’t it? I think Thrones has been better than your average show with the equality, but they could definitely ramp it up! Absolutely.”

Here! Here! Fill that show with more dicks of all shapes, sizes and colors. Just none of that fake prosthetic shit like the crap Hodor wore. That thing looked like a cross between an uncooked turkey sausage and the arm of a pantyhose doll.

To quote a power bottom at an orgy when two tops ask if him if he can handle a DP, “You can never have TOO many dicks.” So GoT should just shove all the dicks in there and they should even recast some of the roles with peens. What I mean by that is that the Hammaconda should totally play one of the dragons.

Pic: GQ