Category: Gabriel Aubry

Halle Berry Drags Gabriel Aubry To Court For Allegedly Dyeing And Straightening Their Daughter’s Hair

November 24, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s that time again when we’re reminded that Nahla Aubry doesn’t only have the name of a cartoon lion, but she’d also be better off being raised by actual lions, because her parents are the wrong kind of crazy.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry are in the middle of a messy, dirty court battle for child support. Halle Berry wants the court to reduce Gabriel Aubry’s monthly child support check from $16,000 all the way down to $3,000, because she thinks his lazy ass needs to get a job. Gabriel has already argued that it’s been hard for him to get modeling jobs ever since Olivier Martinez beat the pretty out of him. Well, those crazy hos are bringing the crazy again and Halle is once again trying to make Gabriel look like a shit puddle of a father.

TMZ says that Gabriel, his lawyers and Halle’s lawyers were in court this morning to talk about Nahla’s hair. I wish cameras were allowed in the court room, because I need to see the judge make a “So this is what it’s come to” face. Halle’s lawyers took Gabriel to court, because she thinks that he got their 6-year-old daughter’s hair straightened and lightened with highlights. The Daily Mail says that Halle’s lawyers argued that lightening and straightening Nahla’s hair could cause her physical and psychological damage.

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Gabriel Aubry Can’t Get Steady Modeling Work Ever Since Olivier Martinez Punched The Pretty Out Of Him

November 2, 2014 / Posted by:

On the left is Gabriel Aubry before Olivier Martinez wished his face a Happy Thanksgiving by turning it into a pile of mashed pretty in 2012 and on the right is Gabriel Aubry a few months ago. I know, Olivier Martinez’s fists should really be on death row for permanently beating the hot out of Gabriel’s face and transforming him from an adonis chiseled out of fine porcelain into a child-scaring fug face. Even Quasimodo is looking at Gabriel’s current day mug and saying, “Damn, stay inside, boo.

Last month, Halle Berry’s lawyer filed papers in court to try to get Gabriel Aubry’s monthly child support payment reduced from $16,000 to JUST $3,800. Halle cried that she’s sick of Gabriel mooching off of her and he can easily get his ass a job. Halle argued that $3,800 is enough to take care of their daughter Nahla’s expenses and he can make his own money to pay for his own expenses. Halle and Gabriel have 50/50 custody of Nahla.

TMZ says that Gabriel’s lawyer has clapped back at Halle. Gabriel has tried to get modeling work, but ever since crazy Halle’s crazy piece Olivier Martinez turned his face into a plate of chilaquiles on her driveway 2 years ago, his modeling career has dried up. Gabriel claims that it took 6 months for his face to heal back to normal and he’s only booked 3 modeling jobs since then. TMZ called Gabriel out by posting a picture of his face just a few weeks after it met Olivier’s fist and it looks all healed up. Gabriel never filed a civil suit against Olivier for messing with his hotness. The cops apparently thought at the time that Gabriel started the fight.

Halle’s lawyer also spit out a list of expenses that Gabriel uses Nahla’s child support cash on and argues that he can pay for all of this crap himself if he got a job:

$740 a month for Gabriel’s “Fitness”
$940 a month in clothing (Gabriel lists Nahla’s clothing expenses separately — $675 a month)
$700 a month for Gabriel’s health insurance
$1,975 a month in car expenses
$1,100 a month in furniture and electronics

Oh, the trials and tribulations of the rich! $740 on “Fitness“? Are the barbels he uses made out of solid gold? Is his personal trainer Jodie Marsh? Does he go to Equinox, because I’m pretty sure their monthly membership fee is a vital organ and or the deed to your soul. The $700 on health insurance makes sense. Gabriel has to get one of those premium plans, because his health and face are in danger as long as Olivier Martinez is still around.

But seriously, Gabriel’s money situation is worse than I thought. That $1,100 a month on furniture and electronics tells me that he might be getting his shit from a Rent-A-Center type place. MAN DOWN CODE 10. I really hope the judge sees that, immediately strikes down CrazyAsHelle Berry’s request and raises Gabriel’s monthly child support payment. Because none of us should be able to sleep at night knowing that Gabriel Aubry might be sleeping on a bed from Rent-A-Center!

These Crazy Hos Are At It Again

October 16, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s been so calm and so peaceful without the sound of Halle Berry shrieking the skin off of her tonsils as Olivier Martinez growls while punching the pretty out of Gabriel Aubry’s face. I was beginning to think that maybe a judge ordered all of them to take their meds or cool their throbbing assholes of rage by having a seat in a bowl of ice. But it’s been quiet because Halle has been re-charging her crazy and now she’s ready to go for round I Lost Count. The sound of the birds chirping and the wind blowing will once again be drowned out by the sound of Halle and Gabriel gnawing  at each other’s throats while fighting over her money.

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In #GETMONEYBITCH News, Halle Berry Has To Pay Gabriel Aubry $16,000 A Month In Child Support

June 9, 2014 / Posted by:

A couple of years ago, TMZ reported that a judge in Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry’s messy bitch fight of a custody battle temporarily ordered that she must pull $20,000 out of her checking account and put that money in his lusciously soft Creme de la Mer-covered hands every single month. We all praised JESUS, because finally Gabriel could change his last year’s BMW 7 series with REGULAR leather for a new BMW 7 series with Napa leather. That regular leather was really scratching his adonis porcelain skin. But I guess that $20,000 a month was really just temporary, because today People says that a judge ordered Halle to pay Gabriel just $16,000 a month. $20,000 to $16,000?! Let’s start a Kickstarter, because how is Gabriel Aubry going to survive?!

On May 30th, the Los Angeles Court declared that Halle will have to give Gabriel a piece of her B*A*P*S money every month until 6-year-old Nahla turns 19 or graduates from high school, whichever comes first. Halle also has to pay Gabriel $115,000 in retroactive child support and they both will have custody of Nahla.

This is totally not going to stop these crazy bitches from fighting some more. Halle is going to hire that family that sent all 6 of their kids to college by the age of 12 so they can work their homeschooling magic on Nahla and get her to graduate high school when she’s 10. Then Halle will be free of having to paying Gabriel Aubry’s ass. And Gabriel Aubry will make Nahla watch Keeping Up with the Kartrashians day and night so her brain cells will die and she’ll flunk out and become a third grade dropout.

Here’s Gabriel living that “I don’t have to work, I got that child support money” life at the SAG Foundation 5th Annual Actors FORE Actors LA Golf Classic in Burbank today..

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Halle Berry Spawned

October 6, 2013 / Posted by:

E! reports that Halle Berry gave birth to some new drama potential a boy yesterday at Cedars Sinai Hospital in LA. That’s all we know right now. We don’t know the name. We don’t know if Miz Halle and her pugilistic husband Olivier Martinez will trip the “over the moon” alarm in the inevitable press release. We don’t know if Olivier celebrated the birth of his son by driving to Gabriel Aubry’s house and beating the shit out of him. We don’t know if Halle has already filed for full custody of the baby. Cuz’ you know this wouldn’t be Halle Berry: The Continuing Saga Of A Crazy Bitch without baby #2 being fought over in a heated courtroom battle. Nahla already has her “do you believe this shit?” face readied for her new brother.

Doesn’t it seem like Halle is trying to insure that her legacy is Lifetime miniseries-worthy? Blue Ivy Carter has already been approached to eventually play Halle. She turned down the script as “contrite” and noted that “basic cable is for lessers”.

Here’s some pics of Halle leaving RivaBella restaurant on Friday, and Olivier on his motorcycle headed out to thrash some male models as a push present for his lunatic bride the day before.

Pics: WENN

Gabriel, Halle And Olivier Are All Playing Nice Now

November 29, 2012 / Posted by:

Gabriel Aubry doesn’t have to wear a steel face mask and an iron helmet when he goes to pick up his daughter Nahla at Halle Berry’s house, because Olivier Martinez won’t be there to pound the pretty out of his face. Gabriel’s lawyer Shawn Holley (yeah, that Shawn Holley) and Halle’s lawyer Blair Berk met in court today and came up with “amicable settlement,” so that the judge doesn’t have to declare all of them legally insane and give full custody to Jessica Lange or a pack of lions.

Halle isn’t going to try to extend the restraining order she has out against Gabriel and he gets to visit Nahla again like normal. Shawn Holley and Blair Berk didn’t give any details about the settlement, but a source (aka Gabriel using a voice changer) tells Radar that Halle agreed to keep Olivier away from the house whenever Gabriel comes to pick their daughter up. Gabriel is totally scared of Olivier and he’s afraid that if they run into each other again, Olivier is going to beat Gabriel’s pretty model face so hard that it’s going to permanently look like Olivier’s present day face. The source went on to say, “This was very important to Gabe going forward because he feared for his safety. Gabe was supposed to have Nahla on Thanksgiving, according to their custody agreement, but Halle asked if she could have the little girl that day and Gabe said yes. He had no obligation to do so, but he had been acting in good faith and knew it meant a lot to Halle, so he did it. Gabe was absolutely blindsided by Olivier and his rage.”

So they’re all going to join hands and skip through the lavender fields under a double rainbow….until Halle and Olivier eventually break up and she gets herself a piece who’s even crazier than him (I’m thinking Sean Penn). Then Halle and Gabriel will do this all over again. Gabriel should keep that steel mask and take self-defense classes from Bas Rutten just in case.

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