Gabriel Aubry Is Getting Paid

GOOD NEWS! Our prayers have been answered and we no longer have to worry about Gabriel Aubry ruining her beautiful Adonis-like face by getting a wrinkle from doing actual work. Ever since March, Gabriel has been trying to convince a judge to order Halle Berry to pay him at least $15,000 a month in child support even though he doesn’t have full custody of their daughter Nahla. Yesterday in court, Gabriel flashed his nipple-burning smile and asked the judge if a beautiful face like his deserves to lie on a cheap Serta mattress in a $2,000 a month condo in Burbank? CASE CLOSED! Judgement for the gorgeous, humanized David with luscious Disney prince hair.

TMZ says that the judge is making Halle drop $20,000 into Gabriel’s perfectly manicured paws every single month. Gabriel’s lawyers argued that when Nahla comes to visit him, she should be swathed in the same kind of luxury she’s swathed in when she’s at Halle’s house. Don’t worry, Halle and Gabriel haven’t finished barking in each other’s pretty faces, because she’s still trying to move Nahla to France. So there’s that.

Now Gabriel can rent a fancy house, get fancy furniture, buy fancy sheets and stock his fancy refrigerator with fancy food so Nahla feels at home. And I’m sure Gabriel will really make Nahla feel at home by playing a recording on his Bose surround sound system of Halle screaming “YOUR FATHER IS A FUCKWAD ASSHOLE! I HATE HIM!” over and over again. A Bose surround sound system bought with that $20,000, thankyouverymuch.