Kylie Jenner Is Still Insisting She’s “Self-Made”

March 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Everybody’s 2nd least favorite Jr. billionaire (Sorry Kylie Jenner, Mark Zuckerberg will always be #1, despite the numbers) is still trying to convince the world that every dime she’s earned since the age of 15 has been the product of her own blood, sweat, and tears. And I’m sure she’s right on some level. I have no doubt she’s bled (manicurist cut her cuticles too short), sweat (that time Jordyn Woods trended above her on Twitter) and cried (see bled and sweat) at points during her rise to “apodictic powerhouse”, as Interview Germany put it in a recent, well, interview. But we’re still not buying what she’s selling (that’s Pimp Mama Kris supplying a warehouse hidden on a private island in the Pacific with a billion dollars worth of Kylie Cosmetics).

Kylie sat down for about 10 softball questions from Interview Germany. She queefed out such bon mots as “I feel like God put me in this position” and “I would love to just put my phone away and live in the moment” and “I hope people will remember that I pushed boundaries”. You know, real insightful, world shaping stuff. But things got a little more serious when The Interviewer suddenly stood up, walked behind a partition, came back dressed as a dentist with a tray of gruesome implements and simply asked “is it safe?”. It was time for the hard question.

SD: A lot of people feel like the term “self-made” is not 100% accurate in your case…

KJ: There’s really no other word to use other than self-made because that is the truth. That is the category that I fall under. Although, I am a special case because before I started Kylie Cosmetics, I had a huge platform and lots of fans. I did not get money from my parents past the age of 15. I used 100% of my own money to start the company, not a dime in my bank account is inherited… and I am very proud of that.

Phew, I can’t believe she got out of that one with all her molars intact! Besides, where is the lie? I’m sure all her inherited Kardashian Kash has long been transferred into untraceable gold bullion that’s kept in an underground bunker under the streets of Zürich.

Pic: Interview Germany via Instagram

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