File Under “Bad, Terrible Ideas”: Prince Jackson Is Hanging Out With Justin Bieber

According to Page Six, Michael Jackson might want to take a break from teaching Jesus how to moonwalk in Heaven, because his son Prince is up to some hoodrat shit and needs a good ghost slap upside the head (don’t worry, ghost slaps don’t hurt). A source says that 17-year-old Prince Jackson has been seriously fucking up his ability to choose non-asshole friends by hanging out with trash brat Justin Bieber and his reading-challenged boxer mentor Floyd Mayweather Jr.. I believe that’s what is called a shitty influence sandwich.

Prince Jackson and Canada’s shame apparently live in the same Calabasas neighborhood, so they started hanging out with each other and are possibly “making music” together. I’ll go ahead and assume that’s a euphemism for something else, since we all know Justin Bieber doesn’t make music, he ruins it. The two are also hanging around Floyd Mayweather Jr., who is acting like a low-budget Oprah to the two by giving them life advice about lots of things, including women. Yes, Justin Bieber and Prince Jackson are getting lady advice from convicted lady beater Floyd Mayweather Jr. (I guess Mike Tyson and the ghost of Ike Turner were busy).

Prince Jackson currently gets $66,000 a month from his father’s estate, and something tells me that might be one of the reasons Justin Bieber has made him his new best friend. That shady toddler knows he’s one more private jet purchase away from doing Bad Boy commercials in Canada, so he decided to start surrounding himself with people who can afford to pick up the tab at Chuck E. Cheese every once in a while.

Ugh, this is all such a huge bummer. Hangin’ with Justin Bieber is a bad move on Prince Jackson’s part. Blanket, come get your brother before Justin Bieber starts rubbing off on him and he begins acting like an obnoxious jerk while recklessly spending his money on extravagant crap. “You say that like it’s a bad thing” says Unky Jermaine.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. Can Afford People To Read To Him

In what is probably the “and that’s a wrap, bitch” moment of the 50 Cent/Floyd Mayweather Jr. literacy challenge feud bullshit, Mayweather Tweeted pics of two checks made out to him totaling over 72 million. The Tweet also urged the unnamed recipient (Half-A-Buck) to “Read this.” He may be illiterate but the bitch knows how to work his calculator and his smartphone.

For those of you not in the know, assface Fiddy challenged the apparently already-challenged by words Floyd to read a page of Harry Potter aloud on Jimmy Kimmel. He then downgraded the material to Dr. Seuss (probably after hearing this sadness). This looks to be the response.

Read this $72,276,000.00. God bless. pic.twitter.com/dpwE3X7eLR

— Floyd Mayweather (@FloydMayweather) August 23, 2014

It’s definitely a cringe-moment when someone calls you out on this fundamental shortcoming. But if your job is basically to beat the fuck out of people (“people” being “the other boxer in the ring” and not “women”, dicknose) and get paid ridiculous sums of money to do it – you really don’t need literacy, do you? You can employ readers! But what if your word-servants aren’t handy? Eh, society is pretty much laid out for idiots. If a sign is red you should probably stop or run away, GPS or Siri can pretty much do everything for you, and someone at the Christmas party SHOULD stop you if they see you eating poinsettia leaves. You don’t put up a sign saying DON’T EAT THE POINSETTIA LEAVES at your Christmas parties? I hope you get sued.

50 Cent Challenges Floyd Mayweather To Read “Cat In The Hat” On Jimmy Kimmel Live!

There was a time when 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather Jr were best brofriends forever, but their bromance ended after a business deal between the two went bad two years ago. Since then, 50 Cent has made it one of his life goals to troll the shit out of Floyd and he continued to troll him hard on Instagram yesterday. While celeb whores keep challenging each other to that Ice Bucket Challenge, Ten Dimes challenged his ex-BFF to something else. A bunch of ice falling on Floyd isn’t a challenge at all, because he’s been hit in the skull so many times that he’s lost all feeling in his head and face. So 50 dared Floyd to complete a really challenging challenge. 50 dared Floyd to read.

Apparently, the noted lady beater has the reading skills of Kendull Jenner and this Christmas he’ll probably find a copy of Hooked on Phonics in his stocking. Floyd reads about as good as 50 Cent throws. On Instagram yesterday, 50 challenged Floyd to read one page from a Harry Potter book. If Floyd can do it without stopping and starting again, 50 promised to donate $750,000 to any charity of his choice. 50 later changed up the challenge when he realized that maybe Harry Potter is a little too advanced for Floyd. 50 is allowing Floyd to read “Cat In The Hat” and Jimmy Kimmel agreed to host the “ALS/ESL challenge” on his show. Oh, 50, that glorious piece of shit asshole.

After 50 Cent challenged Floyd to read, Power 105’s The Breakfast Club played a clip of Floyd struggling to read a handful of words. That’s some Jordan Catalano shit.

Floyd hasn’t publicly responded to 50 Cent yet, but there’s a rumor on Tumblr and Twitter that he tweeted (and deleted) this:

Floyd can’t read a book, but he can read a bitch.

Floyd Mayweather Says That T.I. Tried To Fight Him In A Fatburger Because He Slept With Tiny

When rapper T.I. got into a fist-fight with boxer Floyd Mayweather in Las Vegas on Memorial Day weekend, neither would say why they decided to go all Street Fighter in a Fatburger, but everybody shanked a side-eye over to T.I.’s wife Tiny Harris and assumed that pocket-sized troublemaking muppet had something to do with it. At the time, TMZ speculated that the fight broke out because Tiny had posted a selfie with Floyd’s daughter on Instagram, and that pissed T.I. off. But again, nobody knew why it would piss him off. It was truly a mystery worthy of Jessica Fletcher or Detective La Toya.

Now nearly 2 months later, Floyd Mayweather has come forward to admit that the fight was not, in fact, over the a strawnana shake, as I had previously guessed. TMZ says that during a press conference for an upcoming fight (a legit fight, not a messy drunk brawl in a Fatburger) a reporter shouted out “What about T.I.?”, to which Floyd responded:

“What about the bitch? I was fucking his bitch.”

TINY, NO!!!!…is what I would say if believed that Floyd Mayweather even had the skills to seduce the elegant melted Mariah Carey candle that is Tiny Harris. Tiny ain’t no round-the-way ho like the tricks from Nuttin’ Nyce; Tiny was in Xscape, and Xscape was all kinds of classy. Do you think this bitch sleeps with just anyone? Exactly.

And if T.I. reacts anywhere nearly as strongly as he did the last time someone talked shit about his wife, we’re about 24-hours away from another next-level bonkers Instagram rant, and frankly, I can’t wait. T.I. is the poetic genius who gave us “musty-mouthed syphilis-lipped ugly-ass gremlin baby”, so I look forward to what he has in store to describe Floyd. I’m hoping something like “shit-scooting clap-dripping trash-ass ghoulie fetus”.

Pic: Instagram (via NY Daily News)

T.I. Kicked Off Memorial Day Weekend By Getting Into A Fight With Floyd Mayweather In A Fatburger

Since I’m a Canadian person, I don’t really know what “Memorial Day” is, but to the best of my knowledge, it’s about about honoring those who dedicated their lives to serving their country, and also eating burgers and getting drunk and making those Cool Whip American flag cakes. But I don’t think I remember the part where two assholes get into a fistfight a Fatburger, like rapper T.I. and boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. did on Sunday in Las Vegas (although they do have the burger part of the Memorial Day equation, so I’ll give them that).

TMZ says the fight started after T.I.’s melted Mariah Carey wife Tameka “Tiny” Cottle posted a picture to Instagram of her and Floyd’s daughter, where she referred to her as “my new boo”. Apparently T.I. took this as a sign that Tiny was cozying up to Justin Bieber’s boo and that it disrespected him, so he went to confront Floyd (apparently his logic got a 3-day weekend too).

Obviously, this went about as well as you’d imagine an argument over an Instagram picture would go. It begins with Floyd telling T.I. to “control your bitch“, which turned into chairs being thrown around like balls in a ball pit at Chuck E Cheese, as seen here:

TMZ also has a video of what sort-of looks like T.I. going for Floyd’s neck, but it could also be two teenagers fighting over a Fatburger strawnana shake. Shortly after the fight broke out, the police were called, but T.I. had already left and Floyd was getting in to his car. A Fatburger employee was allegedly cut up during the fight, but they aren’t talking and refuse to press charges. DUH! If that’s how T.I. reacts to an Instagram picture of his wife posing with an 11-year-old, I can only imagine what would happen if you ratted him out to the cops.

And we need to start watching our backs around Instagram, because it’s quickly turning into the shady shit-disturbing bitch we all knew in high school who had dirt on everyone. “Oh yeah? Well according to Instagram, you had a pretty good time at the mall with Stacy last night!”