What In The Hell Kind Of GD Ginger Ale Commercial Is This?

Overseas they always gets the best (see: fuckingweirdest) commercials starring celebrities and this one for Schweppes in France starring Uma Karuna Thurman is no exception. Uma lays the sedated sexiness on so thick that she’s a hairless twink pool boy and a lace hand fan away from being an old Asian queen. Or Kunty Karl shortly after he takes in the soul of a chocolate bar with his nostrils.

The makers of The Kissing Box will realize they have just found the celebrity mouth of their product when they watch Uma awkwardly drink from that glass bottle like a porn star deep throating a rubber dildo. It’s very, “I am only doing this because they tell me it looks sexy but no part of me enjoys this.”

Wherefore Art Thou, Rojo? (UPDATE: Rojo Was There!)

When I first read Cynthia Nixon’s name on the list of celebrities attending the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, I immediately rubbed a layer of SPF 10 million over my eyes to prepare them for the vision of the glorious Rojo Caliente in a custom made white tuxedo from the GOD collection at Men’s Warehouse. Well, I nearly blinded myself for no reason, because it doesn’t look like Rojo Caliente was even there. Oh, Rojo continues to elude me like proper grammar.

Doesn’t Rojo know that Obama only agreed to show up because he wanted to witness her beauty for himself? Sigh. Even though Rojo was not there to dazzle Obama’s soul, he still managed to perform. Here he is throwing ZINGS and SNAPS left and fucking right:

UPDATE: Forget everything I said above, because Rojo Caliente was there. AND HOW!

Doesn’t Rojo look sharp as all fuck? Rojo looks like she’s about to tap dance off walls and shit! How is that frosty beverage she’s holding not bubbling over? It’s the luckiest glass in the world. I’ve never wanted to spoon with a glass until now.

And here’s some celebrities who were invited to last night’s dinner for whatever reason. Don’t ask me how some (Michelle Obama and Betty White not included) of these hos got an invitation. Most of them don’t even belong at the White Castle Correspondents’ Dinner let alone the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

In order: a future People Magazine “I’m a lesbian” cover fetus, some drag queen, Jessica Simpson with Gabourey Sidibe, Patricia Arquette (looking dreadful) with Wendie Malick (ditto) , the Jonas Brothers, Donatella Versace, ScarJo with her twin brother, the Tasmanian Devil, MiserAlba with her husband, BETTY WHITE and Michelle Obama.

Face! Face! Face! I Give Face! Beauty! Face!

Kate Hudson usually gives me cotton mouth, but she’s actually moisturizing my chops here.

Wearing a cape from Cache’s “Ode to Dominique Deveraux” collection, Kate POSED FOR HER LIFE at last night’s NYC premiere of The Killer Inside Me. The killer inside Kate commanded her to murder camera lenses with her posing skills, because she laid it on thick. Incontinent drag queens on Ecstasy ain’t got shit on Kate.

Here’s more of Kate mugging and bugging at last night’s premiere with her co-star The Ghost Of Crib Skirts Past.