T.I. Saves Lives

T.I. must report to a court room tomorrow morning to face the shit for violating his probation by getting caught with the wrong stuff and Purple Drank in Los Angeles early last month. T.I. will now glide into the court room holding a shiny gold “Captain Save-A-Ho” belt over his head. That’s because T.I. talked a man off the ledge of a building in Atlanta yesterday! No, the man was not Tiny’s second cousin twice removed who was paid with mobile minutes and a gas card. The man wanted to jump his way to the afterworld, but T.I. turned on his halo and put out his lifesaving hand!

TMZ says that a man threatened to jump from a building where Ryan Cameron’s radio show is based. T.I. heard about it on the radio and immediately called in to Ryan Cameron to see if there was anything he could do. Ryan asked T.I. to twirl into his superhero outfit and fly on over to the station. When T.I. got there he recorded a heartfelt “DON’T DO IT” video message. After the police played the message for the man, he agreed to step down and meet T.I. in the lobby for a talk. The police are not pressing charges against the man.

I’m not saying that this was a staged stunt to show the judge that humanity will fall apart if T.I.’s thrown into a prison cell again. I’m not saying that. But I am saying that an idea has just formed in the empty liquor store we all know as White Oprah’s head. Two days before Lindsay Lohan’s next probation hearing, we will all read the TMZ headline: “LINDSAY LOHAN SAVES A CAT IN A TREE.” Only it won’t be a real cat, it will be Ali Lohan in the sexy tiger costume White Oprah used to wear during her alleged strippin’ days.