Courteney Cox Wants You To Leave Jennifer Aniston Out Of The Brangelina Drama

Just like how Bloody Mary is supposed to appear in the mirror if you say her name three times or a lawyer shows up to your house if you piss off Taylor Swift,  Jennifer Aniston’s name is likely to get dragged up when someone types the words “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting a divorce.” Even though Jennifer Aniston hasn’t really had much to do with Brad Pitt since getting him to sign divorce papers eleven years ago, some people still want to know what she thinks about the news that her cheater ex-husband and the tomb wrecker are splitting up. Jenny hasn’t said anything publicly, but some of her nearest and dearest have. Much like Justin Theroux, Courteney Cox thinks you should be leaving Jennifer Aniston’s name out of it.

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Courteney Cox Regrets Some Of The Stuff She’s Done To Her Face

Courteney Cox is not a hot white dude celebrity who can help boost ratings by getting his nipples out to do homoerotic action with Bear Grylls, so I’m not sure why she was on Running Wild, but she was. I didn’t see Courteney’s episode, which aired on Monday, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that she and Bear did the usual like give themselves a deer piss enema and spend the night inside of the carcass of a dead elk. And in between that, Bear transformed into a regular Diane Sawyer and the two got deep.

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Courteney Cox And Johnny McDaid Are Giving The Whole “Being Together” Thing A Second Try

If the annual parade of constantly-fucking birds outside my bedroom window have taught me anything, it’s that animals get super horny in the spring. So I shouldn’t exactly be surprised that after being apart all winter, Courteney Cox confirmed that her coochie was officially off the market by strutting along the red carpet of the BMI Pop Awards last night with her former ex-fiance Johnny McDaid.

Monica Geller’s rep hinted back in March that 51-year-old Courteney and her 39-year-old Old Navy mannequin-looking Irish musician piece were giving their relationship a second chance after they called it quits on their engagement six months ago. And as you can see above, yeah, they’re together again. In case it wasn’t clear enough from Courteney and Johnny’s faces, which totally say: “Why yes, we did get to second base in the limo on the way over!“, they also confirmed they were officially back together to UsWeekly with the following exchange:

Courteney Cox: “Well, we love each other and we are – yes, we’re happy!”

Johnny McDaid: “I don’t know if you can put a label on what makes us work so well. But I know that I’ve never loved like I love this woman. So if that’s enough, then that’s enough.”

Courteney Cox: “How do I go after that? It’s poetic. I’m literally going to sound like a toad!“

A source from last night’s BMI Pop Awards also chimed in and told UsWeekly that Courteney and Johnny were “in their own little world“, and that they “stared lovingly into each other’s eyes” and exchanged “goofy little grins” all evening. Goofy little grins? Gross, who are you, Ross and Rachel?

Courteney and Johnny didn’t tell UsWeekly whether or not she has pulled her engagement ring out of whatever desk drawer she threw it in back in November. Maybe they’re taking things slow. Although I’m sure it doesn’t matter to Jennifer Aniston, who has no doubt already yanked her old Maid of Honor sash from Courteney’s first wedding out of storage and started getting to work on planning a booze-filled bachelorette party in Mexico.

Here’s more of Courteney and Johnny at the BMI Pop Awards last night looking like they just came from a city hall wedding.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

The “Friends” Reunion (That Wasn’t Really A Reunion) Happened Last Night

When it was rumored that the entire cast of Friends was going to reunite, people who watched all of that shit religiously had the same reaction I would have if an It’s A Living reunion was announced. They squirted out a foamy stream of excitement. But it turns out it wasn’t really a reunion. They just sat at the same table and said words together at NBC’s tribute to James Burrows which taped in L.A. last night. Johnny Galecki, who dressed up like a snobby French gallery owner, posted a picture on Instagram of the cast of Friends with the cast of The Big Bang Theory. Matthew Perry isn’t in the picture because even he doesn’t want to be seen with Kaley Cuoco. No, Chandler’s in London doing some play, so he couldn’t make it.

Never mind that Courteney Cox’s transformation into the plastic baby of Pete Burns and Michael Jackson is almost complete, I don’t think I ever really noticed how much of a hot silver top daddy Matt LeBlanc is now. And seeing him behind Jim Parsons and David Schwimmer is giving me Joey/Ross/Sheldon gay spit roast fantasies.

Pic: Instagram

Courteney Cox And Her Fiancé Johnny McDaid Broke Up

The day after Thanksgiving, Jennifer Aniston’s Lonely Sadling Starter Kit (containing Adele’s new CD, a membership to Rent-A-Cat, a boyfriend pillow, 3 logs of uncooked cookie dough and Aveeno tear wipes) probably showed up on Courteney Cox’s doorstep, because she has broken up with her dude of 2 years.

Courteney and Johnny McDaid of the band Snow Patrol got engaged in June 2014 after dating for 6 months of dating. People says that Johnny isn’t going to become Courteney’s second husband, because they quit each other right before Thanksgiving. Johnny already moved all of his shit out of Courteney’s houses and has gone back to his homeland of the UK. A source tells TMZ that they went to counseling and tried to make it work, but to quote Paula Abdul’s opus Opposites Attract, Johnny goes to bed early and Courteney parties all night. That worked for Paula and MC Skat Kat, but it didn’t work for Courteney and Johnny. And now they’re over.

I always thought these two were good together. I mean, Johnny looks like a second-tier Ralph Fiennes impersonator who moonlights as a serial killer and she looks like the wax puppet he created to taunt his victims. But oh well, now Courteney is free to marry Andy Dick so her name can be Courteney Cox-Dick. Or marry Meat Loaf so her name can be Courteney Cox-Loaf. Or marry Chelsea Handler so her name can be Courteney Cox-Handler. I can do this all day.

Pic: Getty

Jennifer Aniston And Justin Theroux Are Having A Group Honeymoon In Bora Bora

Just two days after Jennifer Aniston got married to Justin Theroux (which caused the makers of the the boyfriend pillow to close shop since there’s no use for their company anymore), we have learned all sorts of thrilling details about the wedding and honeymoon. I know you really care.

UsWeekly says that Courteney Cox was Jennifer’s maid of honor and Lake Bell’s husband was Justin’s best man. During the reception, Sia sang some songs, Lindsay Lohan’s former partner in pussy Samantha Ronson DJ’d pressed the play button on her iPod touch, everyone ate pasta and Uncle Terry took the pictures. (I can’t wait to see the pictures of him fucking the wedding cake.) TMZ says that Jennifer and Justin kept everything on the shush by using a vacant $10.7 million house next door to hers to hide all the tables, chairs and decorations for the reception. She had a temporary pathway built from the vacant house to her house so workers could transport everything without the paps finding out.

The day after the wedding, Justin, Jennifer and their friends got on a private jet headed for Bora Bora. People says that Jennifer and Justin are also in Bora Bora to celebrate his 44th birthday, so they asked a bunch of friends to come along.  Chelsea Handler, Courteney Cox, her man, Jason Bateman and his wife all tagged along for Jennifer and Justin’s honeymoon/birthday party. UsWeekly says that everyone is staying at the Four Seasons. Jennifer is a good sugar mama, because they celebrated Justin’s birthday in Bora Bora last year too.

Basically, all those words I typed above add up to one simple fact: Bitch is RICH as shit. Specifically, she’s as rich as Oprah’s shit since Oprah shits pure gold and diamonds.

At first I thought that a group honeymoon (which I guess is like group sex without the sex) sounded kind of a fun, because looking at the same face every day for a week can get boring. But then I saw grainy pictures of the group. Children came along! That sounds like a nightmare in paradise. Not only does Jennifer have to deal with screaming children, but she also has to deal with seeing Chelsea Handler strut her naked body all over the place since Chelsea doesn’t wear clothes anymore. If I was Jennifer I’d be afraid that there wasn’t enough booze on the island for me to deal with that shit.

And if you want to see a picture of Jennifer and Justin in Bora Bora, People has one. It’s so clear! It looks like a Monet painting of two turnips in hats.

Pic: Wenn.com