A “Super Mario Bros.” Producer Swears We’re Gonna Love Chris Pratt’s Mario Voice!

November 24, 2021 / Posted by:

I think We The People have been perfectly clear about our objection to Chris Pratt voicing a Japanese-born cartoon Italian plumber in the upcoming untitled Super Mario Bros. movie, and it has nothing to do with the prospect of Chris and Lady Gaga competing for an Oscar in the category of Best Worst Italian Caricature. Obviously, that would be awesome, but no, We The People object because of shit like this. And this. And also this. We just don’t trust him, OK! But according to TooFab, Mario Bros. producer Chris Meledandri seems to be under the mistaken impression that people are complaining because they didn’t cast somebody from the Italianx community. So if that’s your issue, don’t worry. Not only is Meledandri an Italian-American himself, Charlie Day who plays Luigi, also comes from Italian heritage. But that’s not good enough for me. Not one person involved with the production knows shit-all about plumbing. And that’s the real issue here. Chris Pratt may be a tool, but he certainly doesn’t know how to use a wrench.

Producer Chris was accosted at the airport and asked about the backlash to Worst Chris being cast in both Mario Bros. and Garfield in this, “the wokest of times,” so I commend producer Chris for not just ripping a hideous fart in the guy’s face and walking away. You were just on an airplane! You know you have the excess gas, why not use it? Unfortunately, though, producer Chris took the bait.

Pratt’s casting as the Japanese-created Italian plumber had some online up in arms, as they braced for the American actor’s potentially troublesome take on that over-the-top accent.

“Well, as an Italian American myself, I understand,” Meledandri conceded. “You know, I understand the comments.”

But he pointed out: “Charlie Day, who’s playing Luigi, actually comes from Italian heritage. Yeah so that’s our nod.”

He vowed that Pratt would not be leaning too heavily into the “It’s a-me, Mario!”

“That’s not the tenor of the performance throughout the film,” he said.

God, I hope not. Seems like Gaga and the House of Gucci Gang already tested the limits of how far a campy Italian accent will take you, and well, it’s pretty far actually. Then again, HOG was an unintentional comedy whereas I’m pretty sure Mario Bros. will have some actual jokes in it. But apparently, like Gaga, Pratt has been hard at work on his craft to create a “phenomenal” performance.

I get that they need a big name but I demand justice for a real fake Japanese-Italian-American hero, Charles Martinet, the original voice of Mario (and Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi) who has been doing the voice for almost 30 years! Homeboy could do this entire movie in his sleep and judging from his Instagram, I’m pretty sure he was in Paris on January 6th. Just saying.

The passion! The reverence! The carbs! You can’t cancel perfection. They coulda had a real (fake) one instead of a fake real one like Chris. At any rate, here’s Producer Chris wasting all the built-up airplane gas by answering this reporter’s silly questions seriously.

Pic: Wenn.com

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