Category: Carey Hart
Pink Is Having A “Brutal” Recovery After Breaking Her Hip
People says that 42-year-old Pink announced on her Instagram page that she had endured a hip break and was going through a “brutal” recovery from her surgery. I, for one, am stunned that the woman who is constantly swinging from the got-damn ceiling like she’s Spider-Man high on a bender has broken a bone.
Pink’s Husband Carey Hart Is A Gun-Loving, Trump-Hating Republican
In recent months, COVID-19 survivor Pink has pledged a million dollars towards COVID relief, reposted Billie Eilish’s Instagram post in support of Black Lives Matter, memorialized Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and taken a stand with Planned Parenthood urging voters to call their senators and demand they not confirm a new Justice until after the inauguration. and last year she claimed that she told the NFL to kick rocks in support of Colin Kaepernick. It’s an Instagram BINGO for the Democratic ticket, but according to Us Weekly, her husband Carey Hart is a Republican. We know this because he just said so while defending his decision to post pictures of his 9-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son shooting rifles. But don’t worry! He hates Donald Trump almost as much as he loves guns so he’s voting for Joe Biden. Maybe this explains why Pink has been sporting that Kate Gosselin looking Republican mom haircut for so many years.
Carey Hart Has Threatened To Shoot California Wildfire Looters
Reports estimate that the California wildfires are only about 35 to 40% contained, with some evacuees able to return home. The lucky ones get to come home to houses that still look like houses instead of still-smoking charred remains. TMZ says that the Woolsey wildfires forced Pink and her husband Carey Hart out of their Malibu home a few days ago, and they’ve since been able to return. And after returning, Carey has formed a neighborhood militia that will shoot anyone trying to loot his neighborhood.
Pink Gave Birth To A Lil’ Whiskey Baby
You’ll find out in a moment how very fitting it is that that picture of mama and baby has been thrown under a murky brown filter. Pink announced yesterday on Instagram that the baby she has been growing inside her for the past 9 months has arrived. Pink and her husband Carey Hart both posted the same picture of Pink holding their second baby, a son, and let everyone know he was born on December 26th. And the name they wrote on the birth certificate is: Jameson Moon Hart. Well I just got a craving to pour some party juice into my morning can of ginger ale. Thanks, Pink and Carey!
Goopy Paltrow Loves Chick-fil-A
I completely forgot about that movie where Goopy Paltrow plays a sex addict and that’s because my brain really doesn’t want to think about that flaccid pencil dick in a blond wig as a sex addict. I was reminded about it, because it comes out this week and Goopy was on Chelsea Lately last night to promote it. Because Goopy’s movie is about sluts addicted to ass, Chelsea jokingly said that she’s a sex addict in real life. In a hotel room somewhere, Chris Martin lifted his head up off of his side trick’s crotch and let out the cackle of all cackles.
Chelsea also brought up Goopy’s upcoming 41st birthday and when she asked her what she was doing it for it, bitch said, “This year it’s Chick-Fil-A and that’s it.”
CHICK-FIL-A! She would.
I would’ve guessed that out of all the fast food places, Fishsticks would want to eat at Long John Silver’s, because she’d get off from eating herself. But seriously, I doubt Goopy taints her pristine temple of a body with any kind of processed shit. What she meant is that the only thing she’s going to eat for her birthday is the filet of an endangered bald eagle chick. That’s what she meant.
Here’s Goopy and Pink and Carey Hart at the premiere of Thank You For Sharing in Hollywood last night.
