I could have sworn this has happened at least twenty times before today, but no! We’ve only been talking about Gwen Stefani announcing an engagement and eventually getting married to Blake Shelton for what feels like the past 84 years. At long last, Gwen has an official engagement ring on the designated finger, that was put there by her boyfriend of five years, Blake.
Gwen Stefani has been doing the yee-haw thing for a while now (dating humanoid rodeo belt buckle Blake Shelton officially qualifies you as doing the yee-haw thing). Which would be confusing enough if you told it to a time traveler who just arrived in the present day from the L.A.M.B. era. But Gwen is really doing the yee-haw thing now. Because you may now address her as Country Music Television Award Winner Gwen Stefani.
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton are clearly in love, or something, and have been shoving that down our throats for years now. These two will probably, maybe, get married at some point, but in the meantime, they are still sharing their pure love with us. And that’s what Gwen did last night, except she also used the opportunity to pull an “I Don’t Know Her” on her cheating ex-husband Gavin Rossdale by doing the Instagram version of cutting out Gavin’s face from a picture and pasting Blake’s over it. The definition of petty just bowed down to Gwen Stefani.
Moving is hell, everybody knows this. First, you have to look closely at all your shitty shit and chide yourself for having so much shitty shit. Then you have to go steal boxes from the dumpster outside of Safeway and pack all your shit up under the cover of night, load it into a van and pray that the sketchy dude you found on Craigslist to help isn’t a serial killer or a narc. So I can understand why Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, who according to Us Weekly, are stressed about their “nightmare” move into the newly renovated $13.2 million mansion they bought in May.
Gwen Stefani Is Worried That Gavin Rossdale Is Letting The Kids’ Schooling Slip When They’re With Him
For most of us, being in Qoronatine(™) is difficult enough as it is. And I imagine it’s even harder for parents and kids, and harder still for families who have shared custody arrangements in place. We already know that it’s been a challenge for Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale because Gavin complained about not getting as much time with their sons Kingston (13, presumably renamed Cody with a “K”), Zuma (11, now also answers to Zane), and Apollo (6, goes by Austin now) since they’re having to travel between future stepdad Blake Shelton’s ranch in Oklahoma, and his home in L.A. Sounds awful and unmanageable for everyone involved, yet Gavin made things worse by publicly complaining about the kids possibly bringing country cooties into his house. Now, a source is telling Us Weekly that Gwen thinks Gavin is letting the kids’ schooling slip while they’re with him.
There’s some divorced parents out there who are trying to avoid making a bad situation worse by co-parenting their kids as best as they can in these confusing coronavirus times. Custody agreements are on a temporary hiatus while parents do their best to shuttle kids back and forth on whatever day works (and even that can be difficult to arrange, since time is officially a flat circle that hasn’t existed since March 15). Some parents are going to work it out, but then there are bound to be others that aren’t exactly having the best time corona-parenting. Gavin Rossdale is one of them, and it’s because his kids spend half their time in a completely different state.