Comedy Central Is Scrubbing Out All The Paul Walker Jokes From Justin Bieber’s Roast

I always thought that anyone watching those Comedy Central roasts knows to leave their pearl clutching pearls in the jooree box, because pretty much anything goes and many of those hos who take the mic are out to shock and offend. I mean, during the Pamela Anderson roast, evil bitches made fun of God’s spirit sister Bea Arthur and I thought that was against all laws of everything. But I guess some jokes are too much for Comedy Central. During Saturday night’s taping of the Justin Bieber roast, which was the latest stop on his “I Swear I’m No Longer A Split Open Anus Wart” tour, seasoned roaster Jeff Ross and SNLer Pete Davidson both made jokes about Paul Walker’s death, because Ludacris, who’s in those Fast & Furious movies, was there. The Hollywood Reporter says that the jokes bombed and Ludacris was pissed. Here’s two of the jokes:

“‘Move bitch, get out of the way!’ is what Paul Walker should’ve told that tree. Too soon? Too fast? Too furious?” – Jeff Ross

“Just this past year, Justin got arrested for drag racing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t with Paul Walker. What? He’s doing great! He’s got a movie coming out!” – Pete Davidson

Jeff Ross also told a joke about Pete Davidson’s firefighter dad dying in the World Trade Center attacks, but these are the jokes that made Comedy Central hit the TOO FAR button. Those jokes won’t make the cut when this mess airs later this month. Comedy Central burped up this statement:

“Roasts often push the limits of good taste and we give the participants full rein to try things knowing we have the edit to shape the show. Sometimes the line is discovered by crossing it. The Paul Walker references will not be in the telecast.”

Jeff responded to his Paul Walker joke getting cut by making what sounds like another Paul Walker joke: “I was so in the moment, I don’t know what jokes hit.”

Since Comedy Central is editing out stuff they think is too offensive and crosses the line, I’m guessing they’re going to completely edit out Justin Bieber and his drowned long-haired guinea pig hair. Because his entire existence is offensive to humanity.

Pics: Wenn.com

Ashley Benson Thinks Someone Went Too Heavy On The Adobe For This Pretty Little Liars Promo

We might owe Kim Kardashian an apology; it appears she didn’t end up using all the Photoshop for her Us Weekly cover. Staying true to her word, it looks like 10% was donated to the Pretty Little Liars marketing team to create this promo picture. New Truth. New Enemy. New Year. New Noses and Jawlines.

This is the kind of cut-and-paste job that most of us could laugh and then ignore, but not Ashley Benson. Ashley, who plays (it doesn’t matter) on Pretty Little Liars took to her Instagram to shake her head in disgust at the poor design intern who created this mess by posting the picture with the following caption:

Saw this floating around….hope it’s not the poster. Our faces in this were from 4 years ago…..and we all look ridiculous. Way too much photo shop. We all have flaws. No one looks like this. It’s not attractive.

Flaws? HAHAHAHAHA oh my god. Get back to me when you sit down for an appointment with a new dentist and the first question they ask is: “Did you recently suffer a mouth injury, or have your teeth always looked like that?”

The cast of Pretty Little Liars are near-perfect Barbie dolls in real life, so there’d really be no reason to edit this photo using the Kardashian filter in Photoshop (it’s a combination of Blur Tool and Tramp Stamp). It’s a bit heavy-handed; there’s basic clean up, and then there’s airbrushing so hard they end up looking like MAC face charts. I’ve seen more realistic faces painted on T-shirts at a Panama City Beach, FL airbrushing booth.

I don’t know if this is an early promo shot for the 5th Season of Pretty Little Liars or just some Instagram shit created by a fan, but it could be either. But either way, we don’t need to worry about the future of the person who made this; they’ve already been offered lifetime contracts by Mariah Carey, Brit Brit, and Madonna.

(Pic via Instagram)

Marilyn Manson’s Face Was At The Spring Breakers Premiere

I hope you have a Baby Wipe or wet nap near you, because Marilyn Manson definitely left a lip stick (shade: pre-period surprise) stain on your monitor. Wearing less paint on his face than your average Kardashian, Marilyn Manson pulled himself out of his Hot Topic-brand bedroom coffin to pose at the Hollywood premiere of Spring Breakers last night. Because of that white flour on his face and that dark red lipstick, Marilyn looks like an uncooked, deconstructed black cherry pie that dried out from sitting on the counter so long.

Marilyn brought his latest piece Lindsay Usich who sort of looks like a Taylor Armstrong wax figure that was put together using parts from a Lana Del Rey wax figure and a Molly Ringwald wax figure. Obviously, Marilyn and his piece were the hottest couple there even though Ashley Benson and James Franco tried to claim that title with their STUNT QUEEN whispering on the red carpet. I don’t know if Selena Gomez is smirking, because she can’t with that public display or stuntin’ or because she remembered that she once dated Justin Bieber.

Here’s a few more pictures from last night’s premiere of the movie version of a cum-stained Body Glove tank top. In order: MM with his piece, the cast, James Franco, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens with the ATL Twins and Ashley Benson.

And Here’s The Spring Breakers Trailer

After months of hearing about this mess and seeing pictures of this mess, there’s finally a mess of a trailer for this mess. You might want to get yourself a Dixie cup full of Listerine before you hit play on the Spring Breakers trailer, because watching it will leave a taste of dark tanning oil, chlorine, watered down Jäger, Mountain Dew Amp and dirty foreskin grease in your mouth.

Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson are trying to scrub the Disney from their images by playing Girls Gone Wild-like skanks who rob a store to fund their spring break. Then after they get caught and make an appearance in court in their bikinis, they meet a gold-toothed, dick cheese-having James Franco who looks and acts like what you would get if you fed Four Loko to a Mogwai after midnight. The rest of the trailer plays out like something straight out of Brit Brit and KFed’s old home movies.

Well, if this mess flops, the producers can always sell it as a commercial to Florida’s Tourism Board. And Demi Moore should call her lawyers now, because the phrase “Spring break forever, bitches!” is her official life motto and I’m pretty sure she trademarked that shit.

via HuffPo 

James Franco Is A Helluva Drug

Justin Bieber + James Franco + KMart wigs + a corporate apartment + extra large dentures + too much free time + an on-call weed man + everything in the medicine cabinet + a pink napkin over a flashlight = THIS MESS RIGHT THERE.

James Franco uploaded (and then deleted) a video to his WhoSay page of him, his rumored fuck piece Ashley Benson and some dude grinding and simulating dog sex to Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend.” This is James Franco on James Franco and it’s also the worst and scariest installment of Paranormal Activity ever. Before you say that James Franco is getting way too old for this shit, I’ll have you know that HIGH ART knows no age. (But seriously, James Franco is getting way too old for this shit and shouldn’t he be studying to get his 89th degree in whatever, or something?)

via Just Jared 

James Franco Might Be Getting It On With That Chick From Pretty Little Liars

Licking a mirror while sticking his peen in a Fleshlight modeled after his own asshole sometimes gets boring for James Franco, so he finds himself a human who will lick his face in between telling him that he’s the most important thing to happen to the art world since Thomas Kinkade. Page Six says that 34-year-old James Franco is using his paintbrush peen to paint the portrait of love all over the cooch belonging to 22-year-old Ashley Benson, who’s in Pretty Little Liars and who acted with him in that Spring Breakers mess.

Page Six says that James created the performance art piece “Artist and Muse, No. 23” by holding hands with Ashley in NYC’s Washington Square Park earlier this month. Then in L.A. last week, James created the piece “BOO: A Love Story” by going on a haunted hayride with Ashley. Some source says, “They have been seeing each other for a little over a month, but things are going well.”

In between acting, writing, making music, taking every film course at every university and fapping out enough Franco cream to make a life-size cum sculpture of himself, I don’t know how James finds the time to get on Ashley Benson. But lucky for her, he has found the time, because every girl longs to hear her piece say, “I’m going to make your pussy graduate with a PhD by sticking my diploma rod in it,” while he’s humping her.