Pose, Bitch, Pose

While Damian Marley and Nas performed on stage, an episode of Jack Daniels’ Next Top Model took place on the sidelines. Ty Ty Banks can smash “Smizin” with her fortyhead, because Amy Wino is giving us “Trying to Stop the Room from Twirling like a Dreidel on Speed” eyes.

Wino also gave us the “Drunk Baby Trying to Suck Whiskey Out its Thumb Pores” pose (see thumbnail #1). The “You’re My Soulmate Forever Too, Ballet Slippers” pose (see thumbnail #2). The “This is How Many Minutes I Have Before My Liver Turns Into A Vodka Meat Slushie” pose (see thumbnail #8). And the always classic “Farting the Coke Bloat Out” pose (see thumbnail #5).

Sadly, when it came time to collect her prize (a spread in Budget Booze’s weekly pullout and a contract with AA), Wino was unavailable because she was broke off and dozed off after having intercourse with that vibrating speaker.

The Epitome Of A Lady

Wearing one of Katie Price’s old bed skirts and a torn fanny pack, the polished gem of the UK Amy Wino attended the premiere of her boyfriend’s new movie Psychosis in London last night. Yes, Wino and Psychosis. That is easier than me on any given night of the week, so I’ll just let it skip on by…

And Wino isn’t keeping her twigs together, because she’s trying to smuggle an economy-sized Jack Daniels bottle. No, Wino is trying to make sure her liver doesn’t jump out and head for the nearest airport again. Wino hates it when that happens. She should really LoJack that bitch or at least put a toddler leash on it.

To The Left, To The Left

You know…. Why does this child in the funny hat have to eff with Wino’s buzz by demanding that she take her acts of boozery elsewhere? Buzz killing toddler are the worst!

Or maybe he’s telling her to give those acid wash jeans back to the member of Menudo she stole them from? If that’s what dude is doing, then I co-sign his lefty.

Wino Is Out Of Rehab And Looking Clean(ish)!!!

That Reg Traviss seriously must have a dick that can make a bitch drop the bottle and not even care, because here he is with Amy Wino last night and for once she doesn’t look like she’s about to bite a drunk to suck the sweet nectar out of his veins. The booze zombie has been tamed for now. And Wino is fresh out of rehab, so you’d think she’d be thirstier than a parched weave.

Maybe she’s secretly licking the gel off of Reg’s hair when he’s not looking? Or maybe she’s got a wine rack bra installed into her chest and she squeezes her nip for a splash of Merlot. More than likely.

Here’s Wino looking like a gutter python trying to swallow two hogs while strolling around London with her man last night. You know, I’m surprised Reg isn’t drunk most of the time since whenever he licks on Wino’s titty nob he sees “BLAAAAAKE’s” name staring back at him.

I’ve Lost Count

Alcohol stocks in the UK have plummeted, because that Amy Wino has returned to her favorite place in the world (after Bargain Booze) THE CLINIC to fill her system with liquid that doesn’t come from a twist cap and is best served in a yard long.

The Sun is saying that Wino checked into rehab for the (count as high as you can and enter the number here followed by “th“) time over the weekend after her new boyfriend Reg Traviss told her that she needed to dry out.

Some source tells The Sun, “When she’s not on the bottle they get on brilliantly. But Reg has told her to quit the booze, otherwise he’ll be off, and she hit it hard last week. She wants to keep him so has decided to make a huge effort to stay sober.”

Usually when a bitch snatches the booze bottle from Wino, she grabs it back and downs the contents in a quick minute before smashing it over their head. But Wino didn’t do that with Reg, so she must be entering one of the final stages of dickmatization. Wino is choosing dick over the sweet nectar. Dick so good that it will make you quit the booze is a serious thing.

What A Fucking Lady

Just because Amy Wino now has a boyfriend who wears clean chonies and probably dabs the corners of his mouth with a fresh white hanky after he drunks voms into a toilet, doesn’t mean she needs to hang up her crackhive and retire her messy drunken ways. And thank the bottle of well whiskey for that, because then we wouldn’t have these glorious pictures of Amy Wino striking all kinds of “skanky sorority girl with a fake ID” poses last night.

Wino performed a small set at the Jazz After Dark bar and celebrated the fact that she didn’t spit into the eye of an audience member or pass out into the drum set by infecting some of her fans and throwing fuckfaces at the paps. If Hugh Hefner is ever looking for a centerfold for Playboy’s Beauties of the Crackhouse issue, he just needs to put a shot of something strong on his doorstep and Wino will come a running!

Here’s Wino looking like she just crawled out of a dumpster where she was passed out face first in a pile of old extra chunky chili. Wait, maybe that wasn’t chili.