I was hoping Kenny Chesney's fruity ass would pull a fast one can come out on top on the sales charts to shut Kanye and 50 up. This didn't happen. According to the Associated Press Kaney West won the chart battle against 50. Here's the rankings:

 

Kanye – 957,000

50 Cent – 691,000

Kenny Chesney – 364,000

 

Kanye said, "It feels overwhelming. Everyone is coming up to me and telling me how proud they are of me."

 

50 made no mention of his promise to retire when he issued this statement, "I am very excited to have participated in one of the biggest album release weeks in the last two years. Collectively, we have sold hundreds of thousands of units in our debut week. This marks a great moment for hip-hop music, one that will go down in history."

 

He's probably hoping we all forget about it. Poor 50. Time to feel your Tivo queue up. If you make good on your promise, you're going to have a lot of time on your hands. I can send you a recommendation list.

 

Damn Kenny! Next time suck more dick to get your sales up!

 

 

 

 

Senator Ernie Chambers of Nebraska filed a lawsuit against God last week for causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." Ernie isn't a religious person and has even criticized Christians in the past.

 

Ernie filed his lawsuit in response to another lawsuit that he thinks is stupid, basically. Ernie's trying to make the point that anyone can sue anyone for any reason. DUH! Don't we know this already.

 

Can you say "time on your hands?"

 

However, this has given me an idea! We should all file a class action lawsuit against Britney, Paris, Lindsay, Nicole, Tom, Katie, Posh, Becks, Angie, Brad and whoever else for forcing us to deal with their nonsense and drama day in and day out. We'd totally win and then we can finally retire.

 

Ernie for President!

 

 

 

 

50 Cent and his luscious titties have pulled out of several dates on his European Promo tour. Many are speculating that he did so, because Kanye West has beaten him in the UK charts. 50 was supposed to play the Mobos this Wednesday and MTV in Germany on Friday.

 

His spokeswhore issued this statement, "50 Cent is very sad to confirm that due to a last-minute, unforeseen and unanticipated change in his schedule, he will have to postpone his European promotion trip from September 18-25."

 

Yeah, more like he's busy getting ass fucked by Kanye.

 

It also looks like Kanye will beat 50's ass in the US charts as well. 50 vowed that he would retire from performing music if Kanye beat him.

 

Screw both of them. I was actually rooting for that ultra-gay Kenny Chesney to take the #1 spot in the US to shut both of them up.  

 

 

 

 

Okay I'm back from church (see below), they said there's nothing they can do. Anyway, Richard Gere recently said that he used the photographs of Joel Peter Witkin to weed out potential girlfriends. Joel's photos feature people naked with body parts missing and stuff. Sick shit, you know like my family portraits. 

 

Richard said, "It clearly was a litmus test about the women who came into my apartment – how they related to this work. If they didn't like it or they threw up, or whatever, they definitely were not going to be someone in my life." 

 

I'm guessing he introduced the gerbil stuff much later. That's always a sign if a woman loves you. If she's ok with shit covered rodents coming out of your ass then she must be in it to win it.  

 

Click here to see some of Joel's work

 

 

 

 

 

Zeno, the artificial boy

 

Click here to read about him. He's going to take over the world…and then kill us all.

 

 

 

Foxy Brown is not pregnant even though her lawyer told a Judge she was. Foxy was recently sentenced to 1-year in the slammer for violating probation. Before being sentenced her lawyers told the judge she was knocked up to gain sympathy. 

 

Her manager issued this statement, "And to the pregnancy rumors, this is the official statement: She is not pregnant."

 

Foxy said, "This is just a temporary situation. I made my bed and have no problem lying in it. My will is steady. What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger."

 

Isn't she deaf too? She is a deaf liar! That's the lowest of the low. This bitch lies about everything. Lies to cops about who she is, lies about her pregnancy, lies about being deaf. Next thing you know she's going to tell us the hair isn't real! I feel so violated and used. Well, maybe that's because of what I did last night….but still!