Kory McFarren is the boyfriend of the woman whose ass cheeks got stuck on the toilet seat after she sat on it for too long. Police think she sat there for over a month, but stayed in the bathroom for around 2 years. Kory was already charged with a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult for leaving his girlfriend on the pot.

Well, Kory is in trouble again. He was arrested on Sunday for allegedly showing his nasties to a teenage girl and her friends. 36-year-old Kory was taken to jail, but released the next day. No charges have been filed yet.

Where did toilet lady find this gem? He’ll leave your ass cheeks to be eaten by the toilet and then he’ll show his little dick off to young girls. Boyfriend of the millennium! I wouldn’t doubt it if she found him from eHarmony.

And what about toilet lady, Pam Babcock? Family members of Pam told AP yesterday that she’s in a lot of pain. DUH! Her ass cheeks got eaten off. Pam’s aunt said she doesn’t want visitors and she’s only talked to her once for 10-minutes since the incident. Her aunt hasn’t asked her why she never left the bathroom. They only talk about family memories and that sort of thing.

Officials have refused to comment on Pam’s condition. Her aunt said she’s had several medical procedures, “Her wounds are still serious. … She is not out of the woods by any means. She is a very sick girl.”

Pray for Pam! I light a match in my bathroom every day for her. Well, not exactly for her….

UPDATE: Thanks to Bonnie for sending me this video of Kory McFarren being interviewed by the AP. I’ve also updated the picture above with a picture of him. Not as creepy looking as I thought. What am I saying? He left his girlfriend’s ass cheeks to die.

Thanks Tiff

Herb Peterson, the inventor of McDonald’s Egg McMuffin, passed away Tuesday at the age of 89. Herb invented the Egg McMuffin in 1972, because he loved eggs benedict. The breakfast sandwich made its debut at Herb’s McDonald’s franchise in Santa Barbara. At the time of his death, he owned 6 McDonald’s restaurants in the Santa Barbara area.

McDonald’s said he died peacefully at home. Uh…huh…heart disease from eating too many of his own creation. I’m joking.

This is a sad day, but the minute I hear the inventor of the McRib passed away, I will lose it. Seriously though, I used to love the Egg McMuffin as a child, but as I got older I started to realize that maybe this wasn’t egg I was eating. Some paranoid bitch I know thinks all McDonald’s products are made from worms with food flavor. Worm McMuffin! Yum.

Rest in peace Herb Peterson! I’ll eat an Egg McMuffin this morning and think of you! Actually, I prefer the McGriddle, but don’t tell Herb. On that note, I really need to see a nutritionist.

Source

Thanks Dawn

Earlier I posted a rumor that Halle Berry and hot sperm donor had name their baby Clara Stella Berry-Aubry. It ain’t so! People has confirmed they named their angel Nahla Ariela Aubry.

The first thought I had was Nala from “The Lion King.” Then I decided to do a little googling and it looks like they named her after The Northern Alberta Health Libraries Association. Ariela sounds like areola, but it could be worse! They could have named her after a fruit or after some dead movie star. I’d rather be named Lion King Nipples than Apple!

And just when I was conquering saying Clara Stella Berry-Aubry 25 times fast without mistakes. Damn them!

Something tells me Tori Spelling doesn’t google herself very often, because bitch thinks people actually want to fuck her fug ass. Tori was recently asked if she would be in the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off that’s currently in the works. She said, “They should give me a call. Every teen drama needs a MILF, right?”

Um…since when does MILF stand for “mare I’d like to fist?” Tori baby, it’s not that kind of show. I’m pretty sure the only man on the planet that wants to fuck Tori is her husband. It’s pretty obvious that he was dropped a few times as a baby, so he probably doesn’t have the best judgment.

Here’s Tori at a book signing in Hollywood looking like Jabba the Hutt after a sex change.

Aretha Franklin better unlock the bra, because someone is in dire need of a titty slapping! The AP reports that Aretha might lose her Detroit mansion to tax collectors, because her attorney fuckedup.

Aretha’s lawyer made a mistake and didn’t pay $445 in taxes in 2005 causing her home to go into foreclosure over late fees. She owes $19,192 and plans to pay it up by the March 31st deadline.

Phew! Aretha won’t be homeless, but if she needs dough I have a suggestion. Motorboat videos! Aretha’s gigantic chichizillas were made for boob sexing. It would be at your own risk though. I can’t promise that Aretha wouldn’t mistake your peen for a charbroiled hot dog and bite that sucker off.

Radar Magazine announced yesterday that robodouche, Spencer Pratt, will write an advice column for them called “Yo Spencer!” The column will debut in the magazine’s April issue. Radar’s editor told the AP, “Spencer is never afraid to speak his mind. When asking for advice, it’s good to have someone who will be brutally honest with you, and tell it like it is.”

Oh hells no. There can only be one Z-list celebrity advice column and that’s Khia’s for Hood Magazine. Is Spencer going to come up with genius phrases like “something in the milk ain’t clean” and “panty pudding.” I fucking doubt it.

I want to help Spencer out for his debut column, so I’m going to submit this letter:

Dear Spencie,

Yours Truly,
Michael K