Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s fourth-oldest daughter Jinger Duggar is only 22 years old, but in Duggar years that’s practically ancient. She’s only got a few more years before her uterus shrivels up and lays back in a rocking chair to watch Matlock reruns while trying to open up hard candies. So Jinger better git on that, and she is!

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If you’ve got a “Free Jinger” t-shirt, go ahead and cross out “Jinger” and scribble “Jana” on it.

Jinger Duggar was one of the Duggars that people hoped would escape the baby farm of cult craziness in the dead of night and run off to NYC where she’d change her name to Ginger, move in with a gay struggling actor and get a job as a nanny to a rich bitch, but that’s not going to happen. Jinger Duggar’s uterus has begun screaming the chorus to ABBA’s SOS, because if everything goes according to plan, she’ll soon be coochie belching up babies by the dozen.

The Duggars have a new TLC shit show called Counting On to whore out and so they have given People the news that 22-year-old Jinger Duggar and 28-year-old Jeremy Vuolo have begun courting. Their “courting” will be shown on the new season of their show. “Courting” is at the top of the list of words that make me heave along with “CROCS,” “Uggs,” “moist,” “shingles,” “taxes” and “Kardashian.”

Jeremy is a graduate of Syracuse University and he played professional soccer in the US and Europe before leaving the game to devote his life to spreading the word of the Lord like his pastor father. Jeremy is friends with Jinger’s sister and brother-in-law, Jessa and Ben Seewald, and he met his current side hugging partner during a missionary trip last May. You know Jim Bob Duggar busted a nut over the fact that Jeremy’s name starts with a “J.”

A Duggar isn’t officially courting until they’ve used the “news” to get attention, so Jinger and Jeremy made an awkward-as-hell announcement video. Their mouths say, “we’re happy,” but their eyes say, “heeeeelp me.”

Hmmm.. I have a question after watching that video. If Jinger’s face accidentally brushes up against Jeremy’s juicy tit when they side hug, does that count as half-motorboating, and if so, does half-motorboating go against the laws of courting?

Most of the Duggar husbands look like strung out polyps, so at least Jinger got stuck with a hot one. And yes, I’d hit that, sideways, of course.

Pic: People

And now you’re probably out of a monitor, because you broke yours after punching that picture of Josh Duggar’s “th-th-th-that’s all folks” face. It’s natural. We were all born with that instinct.

Around six months ago, the punchable potato Josh Duggar was sent to a Christian labor camp masquerading as a “treatment center” after he was caught trolling for side poon on Ashley Madison. Josh went there to cure himself of his sinful sinful addiction to loving porn and fucking. That was all just Duggar code for, “We need Joshie to go away for a while until everyone forgets that silly child touching and cheating stuff, so that TLC will give us our show back.” TLC pretty much gave them their show back, so now the factory-defected Mr. Potato Head doll can come out and pretend like his peen is cured from wanting to dive into cooch that isn’t attached to his wife.

Both Entertainment Tonight and People say that Josh Duggar has checked out of the bible-based rehab facility he was in for months. ET says that he left a few days ago and his “whereabouts are unknown.” Well, he’s either showing that praying away his desire to have sex for other than baby-making reasons worked and he’s screwing a pile of hookers in the room of a Comfort Inn somewhere, or he’s rehearsing the post-rehab interview he’s going to do with Megyn Kelly for Fox News. I’m going with the latter.

Of course, Josh’s wife Anna Duggar, who may be knocked up with their 5th child, has forgiven him and will take him back, because she’s been brainwashed into being Michelle Duggar 2.0. Which is why it’s going to be hard watching that inevitable Fox News interview. Anna is most likely going to silently sit there, blinking at Josh like a Furby on caffeine pills as he says that the power of God cured him of his dick’s need to wander….while he punches at his crotch because his dick keeps wanting to wander over to Megyn Kelly.

Pic: Instagram

Danica Dillon threw a lawsuit at Quiverfull Garbage Pail Kid Josh Duggar last November for causing her emotional and physical pain by allegedly getting really rough with her during sex. Danica has now dropped the lawsuit and says that she made it all up. In related news, the Duggars have just filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against Danica Dillon because telling blatant lies for profit is their game and they don’t appreciate her stealing it!

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Which is weird, because you’d think that admitting you’ve recently been within 10 feet of the physical manifestation of an egg salad fart is something you’d never, ever admit to. Then again, I shouldn’t be that surprised; when it comes to the Duggars, the shame bridge was covered in gasoline and lit on fire long ago.

Josh Duggar’s wife, Anna Duggar – seen above in happier times before everyone learned that her husband was the definition of gross – hasn’t really said much since her husband shuffled off to sex rehab in August. The only recent update we got about Josh and Anna was that he might have busted a conjugal visit fetus into her babymaker. Well, I guess Anna was getting tired of strangers approaching her on the street, grabbing her by the shoulders, and whispering “Honey, you need to look at your life“, because she released a statement on the Duggar family website (via People) yesterday about how she’s doing. She also casually mentioned her visit with Josh in sex rehab, but thankfully, she kept it nice and vague.

“Many have asked how I am doing. So many have asked that its actually humbling and touching. 2015 was the most difficult year of my life. Yet, amazingly I’ve found that in my own life crisis God has drawn near to me (“He’s near to the brokenhearted” Psalms 34:18) and my faith has been more precious to me than ever before. Just recently I visited Josh. It was an important step on a long difficult road. I want to thank all of you for your prayers and your messages of hope. I can never express how your kindness and prayers have brought encouragement when I needed it most—outpacing the grief and discouragement at every turn. I trust that God will continue to show His love and tenderness toward us and bring beauty from ashes—somehow—as only He can do. Please continue to pray for me, Josh and our children.”

Anna, you don’t have to ask for more prayers; I’m sure God is up to his ears in Duggar-related prayers. Sure, the majority of said prayers are people seeing the name “Josh Duggar” pop up in their news feed and praying that they’re not about to read more gross details about his life, but still. God has probably had to hire extra staff to handle all those incoming Duggar-related prayers.

Pic: Anna Duggar

This mess of a story is coming from Life & Style (via Radar), so it should be taken with an entire Morton Salt factory, but then again, this is the Duggars we’re talking about and we all know that when all else fails, they shoot out another baby.

According to sources, Josh Duggar and his wife Anna Duggar bareback boned their way to a baby while he’s in a Christian rehab facility for his supposed addiction to boning. Anybody with a working brain is probably wondering what kind of rehab facility lets you get into the addiction you’re being treated for? Well, maybe the counselors let Josh and Anna hump on each other for the benefit of the other fuck addicts in there. I mean, hearing Josh Duggar’s fuck moans would shrivel up anybody’s genitals and keep them off of ass forever.

The source says that Anna and Josh’s Christian rehab fuck party led to her getting knocked up with their 5th child. Anna is supposedly telling everyone that the Band-Aid baby in her womb is God’s way of telling her that she should stay with the child-touching rotten gourd.

“Anna announced that she thinks she is pregnant again. She believes the baby is a sign that God has forgiven Josh for his many sins, and she’s vowed to stand by her husband.”

Um, I have a feeling that if God was going to send Anna Duggar a sign, that sign would look like this:

I’m sure that if it’s true, that child will feel so special when they learn that their brainwashed mother and their dried smegma ball of a father made them in the rehab facility where their dad was banished to after he had rough sex with porn stars. And I won’t believe this until I get a sign from the fame whore Gods and what I mean by that is I won’t believe it until I see a commercial for TLC’s new show 1 Band-Aid Baby And Counting starring Anna Duggar.

Pics: Instagram, Flickr