Kiefer Sutherland is trying to be a country singer now and has farted up some song called “Not Enough Whiskey.” Three things: 1. The “There’s not enough whiskey in the world for me to handle Kiefer Sutherland singing country” jokes write themselves. 2. If you have a piece of wood that needs sanding, just raise it up to your speaker and his “Harvey Fierstein after gargling sand” voice will do the trick. 3. It doesn’t cost anything to watch the video, but you’ll still ask for a refund, because Kiefer doesn’t lasso up and ride a Christmas tree in it – Lainey Gossip  

Donnie Wahlberg says that Jenny McCarthy has the face of an angel. Before I make any jokes, I’ll wait for follow-up reports that say that Donnie is both legally blind and insane – Celebitchy

Bethenny Frankel may have undergone surgery to have fibroid tumors removed – Reality Tea

Brit Brit’s Cheetos toe is looking hongray – Drunken Stepfather

FYI: Susan Sarandon is a hardcore member of The Bernie or Bust club, and no, the “bust” part wasn’t in reference to her magnificent chichis – The Superficial 

And here’s Dan Savage’s thoughts on Susan Sarandon’s thoughts on not voting for Hillary Clinton, if you care about that – Towleroad

Janice Dickinson’s case against Bill Cosby can go forward – Jezebel

For the zero of you who haven’t seen them yet, here’s Chelsea Handlers titty knobs – (NSFW) The Nip Slip 

Rachel Bloom has an anthem for the Christina Hendricks of the world – Pajiba

Jessica Lowndes and Jon Lovitz were really, really committed to their pre-April Fool’s prank – Popoholic

Watching these neighbors fight over a property line makes me want to jump into the video and tell them, “I just want to tell you that some people have wars in their countries” – Hollywood Tuna 

And yet, I’d rather watch the plastered lead singer of Puddle of Mudd just sit there by himself for two hours than go to a Justin Bieber concert – WWTDD

Don’t worry, everyone, Michelle Duggar is still brainwashed by Jim Bob Duggar – Starcasm

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom were acting all lovely dovey and gross and shit at Disneyland – Popsugar

The Nanny had a mini reunion – The Berry 

Swedish DJ Avicii is retiring from live shows at the geriatric age of 26, but don’t worry, the DJ world still has Wonky McValtrex – Just Jared

I’ll be back, I have to fly to Mexico to see some real theater and by “real theater” I mean a piping hot piece swinging his big dick around on stage – (NSFW) OMG Blog

This trans-hating disaster really, really cares about gender labels and I really don’t, which is why I’m perfectly okay with calling her the King, Queen, Prince, Princess, Duke, Duchess, Court Jester and Serf of the Canadian rap game! All hail!

As North Carolina state Legislature said “fuck you” to a bunch of ordinances that protected the LGBT community from discrimination, this attack on trans people and many of my senses made the rounds yesterday. A few of you farted this into my inbox with an e-mail subject that read: “transphobic Canadian rap.” Before watching it, I figured that Michelle Duggar moved to Canada to become a rapper. But this isn’t Michelle Duggar. This is Michelle Duggar’s Canadian third cousin who is protesting against trans-inclusive bathroom legislation in Alberta by releasing a rap song that has made my ears want to protest against me for pressing play on this shit.

In the “song” called “Gender Bender,” this Christian mom, who goes by the rap name MH Weibe, lets her province know that they need to THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Okay, but was MH Weibe thinking of the children when she warbled out a “rap song” that’ll cause pain to their poor little eardrums and also cause them to develop premature wrinkles from all the cringing they’ll do while watching her video? MH Weibe also burps up something about the animal kingdom, but the most offensive part of her song is the fact that she has the flow of a broken rest stop bathroom faucet.

With that said, I’m sure that MH Weibe and MC Mama Grizzly are going to team for a worldwide arena tour (read: they’ll book a couple of church basements in Alberta and perform in Sarah Palin’s living room). Watch it and weep:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhH0EDPSNhI

You know, if she really wants trans people to stay out of public bathrooms altogether, she should just get every public bathroom to play her rap song. Sure, it’d also keep out ALL humans as well as rats and roaches, but she’d still be able to say that she accomplished her mission.

via Paper Magazine 

Paula Deen is teaming up with Sandra Lee and getting into the edible arrangements game. – Shane Yorston

Upvote winner:

Ana Duggar finally figures out a way to make Josh eat her. – dbasedNYC

Pic: Reddit

Well this is turning out to be a real backwards week for reality TV stars. First greasy gob Josh Duggar has been released back into the world. Now NBC4 Los Angeles (via People) is saying that passionate pooch helper Cesar Millan, of Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan and Cesar 911, is being investigated for animal cruelty. This is some Black Mirror shit.

Continue reading

Tone Loc (50)
Camila Cabello of Fifth Harmony (19)
Yolandi Visser of Die Antwoord (32)
Joshua Duggar (28)
Stacie Orrico (30)
Jessica Biel (34)
Lil’ Flip (35)
Ronan Keating (39)
Buddy Valastro (39)
David Faustino (42)
Matthew Marsden (43)
Tyler Florence (45)
Julie Bowen (46)
Laura Harring (52)
Jackie Joyner-Kersee (54)
Ira Glass (57)
Miranda Richardson (58)
George Miller (71)
Lee Radziwill (83)

Pic: Getty

Kelly Preston needs to cut off John’s Amazon Prime membership. – BitchyD

Upvote winner:

“Is it in?” -Michelle Duggar – Héctor Belmonte

Pic: Tumblr via Tosh.0