Porn Star Danica Dillon Is Suing Josh Duggar For Assault And Battery
Right after the curtain was lifted on the adventures of Josh Duggar’s rogue peen, a porn star named Danica Dillon (government name: Ashley Stamm-Northup) admitted to InTouch Weekly that he paid her $1,500 to do him and the sex was far, far from Christian missionary position stuff. Danica says it was rough and no, it wasn’t rough because she had to dig deep to keep from barfing while humping on Josh Duggar. Danica says that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s oldest got violent with her. Danica is now suing Josh for $500,000, because she says he got so rough that he traumatized her in more ways than one.
Jessa Duggar Truly Outdid Her Parents In The Baby Name Department
If you’re in Arkansas and see a brand new baby crawling toward the Name Changing Office, pick him up and help him fill out the forms, because he needs your damn help in a major way. Jessa Duggar and her husband Ben Seewald became parents to a baby boy a few days ago and they said it took them a while to pick out their kid’s name. During that time, they both must have gotten a concussion and jacked up their brains, because the name they chose is made of 100% potent WTF. They named him:
SPURGEON ELLIOT SEEWALD
For once, that is not a typo made by me. That is what they really named the human child who they are supposed to love. As if having Jim Bob as a grandpa isn’t bad enough. Now that kid’s gotta go through life with the first name Spurgeon. The 11th commandment should be Thou Shalt Not Name Your Kid Spurgeon.
SpurGeon SeeWald sounds like the name of SpongeBob SquarePants’ arch rival who lives in a coconut under the sea. Spuregon also sounds like the name of a surgeon who only operates on sperm.
In a video on TLC.com, Jessa and Ben said that they named their kid after Charles Spurgeon, who was a famous British preacher in the 1800s. Sure, they could’ve named their baby “Charles,” but then they probably wouldn’t have gotten a whole lot of attention and that would be a waste. This is what Charles Spurgeon looked like:
Dude looks like he plays the banjo in a hipster folk band from Brooklyn and I’d definitely hump on him at a bear bar, but I would not name my kid after him.
Oh well, at least Spurgeon Seewald will be homeschooled so he won’t have to deal with kids calling him “Spooge.” So, there’s that.
Something You’ve Heard 5,678,954 Times Before: A Duggar Had A Baby
And you’ll hear it 5,678,954 times before you die and leave a cruel world that will most likely be 85% Duggar.
Jessa Duggar Seewald, the fifth oldest member of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s cult of tater tot casserole insanity, gave birth to her inaugural child yesterday. I was going to say that this may be the first time in decades that a Duggar doesn’t have a human in her womb, but I’m sure that as soon as Jessa’s first of 500 kids checked out of her baby-growing bag, he passed the baton to a tiny fetus who in 9 months will be the newest cast member of her TLC specials.
Jessa gave birth to a son in Arkansas yesterday and keeping with her beliefs, she and her husband Ben Seewald immediately pimped out the news to People Magazine. Jessa tried to birth out her baby at home, but there were complications, so she had to go to the hospital. Their son weighed in at 9 lbs. 11 oz. and is 21 ½ inches long. They haven’t released their son’s name yet, because I’m sure they’re saving that special announcement for next week’s cover of People. Jim Bob and Michelle have already beat the life out of the letter “J,” Jill claimed the letter “I” and the rotting pedo potato that is Josh Duggar has begun terrorizing the letter “M.” So I’m going to guess that Jessa and Ben are going to take the letter “P” by naming their son People Magazine TLC Duggar-Seewald. If you need to see what Jessa’s first baby looks like, People has a picture. (SPOILER ALERT: He looks like a newborn.)
I bet that right after Jessa’s son opened his eyes, he looked up at his mom and said “Oh shit!” after realizing that he’s a Duggar. Then he looked down, realized he’s a boy and said “Phew!” while wiping his brow.
Pic: Instagram
Jessa And Jill Duggar Are Coming Back To TLC
When TLC quietly slid 19 Kids and Counting into the trash bin after pedophile potato Josh Duggar admitted to molesting many young girls including his sisters, there were rumors that they weren’t done with the Duggars just yet and were planning to give Jessa and Jill Duggar their own spin-off show. You know, because Jim Bob Duggar is basically the Quiverfull version of Pimp Mama Kris and TLC isn’t ready to let their gravy train go just yet. Well, that rumor became a fact and today, TLC announced that Jessa and Jill will star in their own specials. The specials will air directly after TLC’s new show Say No To The Gays, a show which follows Kim Davis as she travels the country and denies marriage licenses to gay couples.
Not All Of The Duggars Are Standing By Josh Duggar
Jessa Duggar publicly said she was supporting her brother Josh Duggar and had forgiven him for molesting her when she was a little girl. But it looks like she has drawn the line at him cheating on his wife. As People points out, Jessa told all her Twitter followers to read a piece written by her father-in-law Michael Seewald about Josh Duggar coming out as a down low peen passer.
Anna Duggar’s Parents Are Even “More Extreme” Than The Duggars
Josh Duggar checked into long-term treatment the other day after admitting that he cheated on his wife and after a porn star came forward claiming that she had rough, bareback sex with the Pillsbury Dough Douche. It turns out that the rehab facility Josh is in, is actually a Christian labor camp where he’ll spend the next few months studying the bible and doing labor. So, I’m guessing that a pastor type will scream “PORN IS BAD” at him while he makes a church pew out of plywood. So while he’s off becoming even more sexually repressed, his wife Anna Duggar has to raise their four kids without even thinking about looking at the exit door since she’s not allowed to leave.