In an effort to better organize her closet, Britney categorizes her footwear: summer on the left, winter on the right. – Cookie-Slore

Upvote winner:

You can’t spell Duggar without the U-G-G. – TP1994

(Thanks Jan)

Oh, Big Brother…. The game that continues to bring out the fucked-up foolery out of people…..

Celebrity Big Brother barely started up again in the UK and the first housemess has already been slapped down by the Big Brother Gods for saying “inappropriate” shit. On last night’s episode, Evander Holyfield and Luisa Zissman, who was on The Apprentice UK, were talking about whatever when Luisa brought the subject of gay boxers into the conversation. Luisa figured that Evan would be all for gay boxers coming out, but when she realized that his opinion is the direct opposite of hers, she tried to shut down the topic and move on. Evan’s sense of hearing is obviously still messed up from when Mike Tyson nom nom-ed his ear off, because he kept talking about it and contradicted himself. Evan said that being gay is a choice, but then he said that gay people are handicapped and can be fixed. If loving dudes is considered a “handicap,” then consider me a proud handicapped person and give me my damn parking permit!

Here’s a piece of the conversation between Evander and Luisa:

Evander: The Bible let you know that it’s wrong and (mumbles mumbles).

Luisa: That’s just the way some people are born.

Evander: Nooooo. It don’t make no difference. If you were born and your leg were turned this way. What do you do? You go to the doctor and get it fixed right, right?

Luisa: It’s not about being fixed. That’s just the way that you are.

Evander: No, no, no… You mean to tell me-

Luisa: I really don’t think we should have this conversation. You don’t understand. I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation to have in this house.

Evander: The only thing I’m trying to tell you is if… You know how handicapped people are born, that you can’t say that because they were born that way, you can’t move that (mumbles something mumbles something)…

Luisa: You can’t compare. It’s not a choice.

Evander: Yes, it is a choice. Come on. You ain’t gay unless you sleeping with the opposite sex (Ed. note: Yeah, he obviously meant “same sex.”). That’s no way anybody is made. I know what I’m getting ready to say. The only choice you have-

Luisa: People don’t have a choice in their sexuality or they’ll be unhappy.

Evander was pulled into the diary room where he sat on a super gay throne and was told by Big Brother that his comments were offensive to a lot of people and warned him about saying that kind of shit in the future. The Guardian says that Channel 5, the network that airs CBB, could be investigated by Ofcom, the FCC of the UK, for showing hate speech.

Yeah, bitch lost at me “The Bible let you know….” But while watching Evander Holyfield dribble out an incoherent anti-gay word salad with a large side of mumbles, I kept thinking to myself that it’s impossible for me to take a ho seriously when he’s given his 11 children (by six different women) a first name that begins with the letter E. Every single one of his eleven kids have a first name that starts with the letter E. He’s terrorized the letter E the same way the Kartrashians have terrorized the letter K and the Duggars have terrorized the letter J. Now that is truly some disturbing shit that needs to be talked about in the CBB house!

I know I shouldn’t be using keystrokes to write about KFed in the year 2013, but since I’m nostalgic and gross, I am really into the comings and going of his super sperm.  Mostly coming… Actually, all comings. While KFed hasn’t worked a job for real since before Obama was in office, his unstoppable jizz fish are working overtime. KFed has knocked up his wife Victoria Prince for a second time. KFed’s sperm: It won’t stop, it can’t stop and in a few years the gene pool will be 50% Duggar, 49% KFed and 1% everything else.

TMZ has a vomit-inducing picture of Victoria wearing a shirt that reads “Juan Moore Federline” and a video of them saying that the sixth Federline is growing in her womb.

KFed has 2 kids with Shar Jackson, 2 kids with Brit Brit and he’ll soon have 2 kids with Victoria. 6 kids with 3 different chicks. What would the “Kate Winslet is a morality-killing whore harlot for having 3 kids with 3 husbands” bitches say?

I’m actually surprised that this is only Victoria and KFed’s second kid together. I mean, what do they do all day? I’m guessing they feed their kids, bareback fuck, play with their kids, bareback fuck, watch 5 hours of the History Channel, bareback fuck, go to the check cashing place to cash their latest check from Brit Brit and bareback fuck some more. I’m surprised that every time Victoria pulls her tampon out, another baby doesn’t come out with it. So good for them for only having 2! And I’m sure TLC will give them their own show called How To Stretch Your Child Support Checks From Britney Spears To Feed Another Ten Dozen Kids. 

And I made the mistake of staring at his crotch in that picture to find a peen print. Don’t do that, because I can already feeling kicking.

Casey Jenkins, performance artist and “craftivist” who every day shoves a thing of wool up her twat and is knitting a period-stained, lady jizz-covered scarf in front of people at a gallery. The Aristrocrats!

Australian performance artist Casey Jenkins doesn’t only have a gift for making her hair look like a toddler with arthritis cut it with a pair of rusty safety scissors while jumping on a trampoline. She also has a gift for turning her vagina into a bottomless knitting bag. For about six years, 34-year-old Casey has run the Craft Cartel, a group of artists who mix crafting with political activism. For her latest piece called “Casting Off My Womb” Casey is spending 28 days knitting wool out of her coochie. You’d think that shoving a bunch of wool up your pussy would give you a serious case of the itches, like you just got fucked by Gerard Butler, but Casey claims it’s only slightly uncomfortable and sometimes she gets the tingles while klitting (on purpose typo). And when Casey gets her period, she keeps on going and knits out a scarf made with love and extra-gushy crotch berries.

“The performance wouldn’t be the performance if I were going to cut out my menstrual cycle from it. For starters when I’m menstrating it makes knitting a hell of a lot harder, because the wool is wet and so you have to kind of yank at it.”

Somewhere, Michelle Duggar just like out an, “Eh.” Every time she gets knocked up, she shoves a sewing machine, a bolt of polyester and all the trimmings up her twat so that her unborn fetus can make its own birth outfit. Because coming out of the womb naked is just  IMMODEST and every Duggar’s gotta work, dammit.

I’m all over kunt knitting, because the world definitely needs more scarves that smell like wet wool marinating in a twat (aka like a mixture of Joanna Krupa and a rotting sheep). I wonder what brand of wool Casey Jenkins uses? If she uses Vanna White yarn, then that would REALLY make this HIGH ART. Finally, the lady Pricasso has been found!

via OMG Blog

Sure you may laugh at Disneytucky, but the lines are short and admission is free with a can of Copenhagen. – Gina Latina

Runners-up:

Secret photos of Travolta’s masseuse training camp reveal that finding just the right amount of lube can be tricky. – Rontex

Ride the wave at Michelle Duggar’s Ozark Amniotic Sac Water Park! – OKLABUBBA

via Izismile

Fucking like Kenyan marathon runners finally caught up to Olivia Wilde (born name: Olivia Jane Cockburn) and Jason Sudeikis. Olivia and Jason started boning two years ago, they got engaged almost a year ago and now they’re going to be somebody’s parents. Forever29-year-old Olivia and 38-year-old Jason always talk about how his fuck parts are always in her fuck parts, so I’m surprised that this is their first kid together. I would’ve thought that she would’ve pooped out more kids than Michelle Duggar by now. (Note: Olivia would have to poop them out since Jason is always in her snatch, duh.). But nope, this is the first baby they’ve made together. A source and their reps confirm to People that she will birth out a giant forehead with tiny legs and arms in a few months:

“They are incredibly happy,” says a source close to both. “They’re very excited to welcome a new member into their family.”

Reps for the couple confirm to PEOPLE that Wilde is pregnant with their first child.

Here’s to Olivia and Jason’s kid who will hopefully have the last name Cockburn-Sudeikis. And here’s to us nosy whores, because when Olivia has their kid and does an Instagram photo shoot with it, we can see if it looks anything like January Jones’ son. Congrats to us all.

Pics: Splash