Forbes released their annual Actresses Who Could Buy You And Your Entire Family And Still Have Enough Cash Leftover To Buy An Island Off Of Dubai list and on top of it is Jennifer Lawrence with $52 million. Sometimes God shows us that this world is a beautiful place (see: Josh Duggar getting exposed) and sometimes God shows us that this world is an unfair place (see: Jennifer Lawrence being the richest actress in Hollywood while a true talent like Nicole Eggert has to file for bankruptcy!)

Forbes says that they counted all the cash each actress brought in from June 2014 to June 2015. They got their numbers using data from IMDB and Nielsen and they also interviewed agents, lawyers, managers and sometimes the actresses themselves. For the first time ever, they also included actresses from other countries, which is why Fan Bingbing made the list.

Thanks to that Hunger Games money, Jennifer Lawrence got the top spot. Jennifer Aniston’s movies didn’t bring in that much money during Forbes’ measuring period, but she made the list because she gets paid a lot for whoring the hell out of SmartWater and Aveeno. Here’s Forbes’ full World’s Highest Paid Actresses list:

1. Jennifer Lawrence  – $52 million
2. Scarlett Johansson – $35.5 million
3. Melissa McCarthy – $23 million
4. Fan Bingbing – $21 millioin
5. Jennifer Aniston – $16.5 million
6. Julia Roberts – $16 million
7. St. Angie Jolie – $15 million
8. Reese Witherspoon – $15 million
9. Anne Hathaway  – $12 million
10. Kristen Stewart – $12 million
11. Cameron Diaz – $11 million
12. Goopy Paltrow – $9 million
13. Meryl Streep – $9 million
14. Amanda Seyfried – $9 million
15. Sandra Bullock – $8 million
16. Emma Stone – $6.5 milion
17. Mila Kunis – $6.5 million
18. Natalie Portman – $6 milion

If my last name was Lawrence, I’d be searching the hell out of Ancestry.com to see if I was somehow related to Jennifer Lawrence and could hit her up for a no-payback family loan.

Well, since Jennifer Lawrence loves man farts so much, Chris Martin and all her future boyfriends now know that if they want to make some quick extra cash, they should charge her $1,000 a butt queef. They can add a $2,000 surcharge if they ate Taco Bell beforehand.

Meanwhile on the dude side, Robert Downey Jr. came in at #1 with $80 million and Adam Sandler came in at #5 with $41 million. Yes, Adam Sandler reportedly made more than 4 times as much as Meryl Streep last year. This world.

Pic: iStock, Wenn.com

If you’re wondering what Amal Clooney’s culo and ass tunnel tastes like, just ask Vanity Fair, because they stuck their tongue all the way up in there while pretty much declaring her the fashion goddess of the year – Lainey Gossip

Nobody wants to buy Teresa Giudice’s waterfront castle of elegance and broken dreams – Reality Tea

TLC is letting the Duggars counsel molestation victims and I’m sure there will be a surprise guest appearance by Jared from Subway – The Superficial

Liam Payne would like everyone to know that he doesn’t hate gays – Towleroad

Looking at pictures of Supergirl talk on a cell phone reminds me of all the times I watched Cinderella and Snow White smoke cigarettes backstage at Disneyland – Hollywood Tuna

The return of Snookitina: Xtina is starting to morph into Jersey Shore-era Snooki again – Celebitchy

Today in “Just Buy The Kid A Damn Doll Like A Normal Mom” news, a 65-year-old birthed out quadruplets all because her littlest kid wanted a brother or sister – Jezebel

What you will find at the corner of Nerd of the Year and Dad of the Year – The Berry

Nice try, Emily Ratatouille, but my mom worked those jeans first in the 1970s and worked ’em better – Popoholic

Miley Cyrus’ piece looks like someone was murdered and gutted on top of her – Drunken Stepfather

I’m surprised that Jared Leto didn’t just knock the pap out with his 60lb Praetorian Guard’s helmet dick – Just Jared

Demi Lovato is still mouth shitting up gross words of grossness about Wilmer Valderrama – ICYDK

The least they could do is put a protective coating on Nicki Minaj’s wax figure so it’ll be easier for the janitors to clean all the drool and jizz off of it – IDLYITW

Amanda Bynes is looking good and yes, you’re still uglier than her – SOW

Pierce Brosnan’s middle son is winning the hair game – Popsugar

James McAvoy’s right ass cheek looks like this, FYI – OMG Blog

Harley Quinn gave a dude a real tattoo on the Suicide Squad set – HuffPo

Pic: FameFlynet

Katie Holmes wore this ravishing “day-shift truck stop hooker circa 1986” dress for a movie, but she should definitely take it and add it to her personal wardrobe, because it is fashion perfection.  – Lainey Gossip 

FYI: Bethenny Frankel is catching dick all the time – Reality Tea 

File under SHOCK and SURPRISE: Gavin Rossdale allegedly wet humped on a chick he met at the Playboy Mansion while engaged to Gwen Stefani – Celebitchy

Lucy Hale from Pretty Little Liars (wait, is she A?) is in V Magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Two members of the Duggar army talk about racism. Great…. – The Superficial

One of the ladies on Games of Thrones might be a raging drug addict, or not – IDLYITW

Sam Smith totally fucked his wax figure later – Towleroad

Dear Emmy Rossum, the next time you want to look sophisticated for a work event, please ask Katie Holmes if you can borrow her acid wash dress – Popoholic

This Vanessa Hudgens photo shoot is too Coachella – Hollywood Tuna 

These tea party protesters are bringing THEATER and COMEDY to the streets! – Boy Culture

Okay, The Hateful Eight trailer is pretty good – Pajiba

This dude dancer brings all the pucker-inducing heat to his audition for the Miami Heat – The Berry 

Naya Rivera took her Kim Kartrashian impersonation to the next level – HuffPo

And just like that, Pimp Mama Kris got her season finale kliffhanger for Keeping Up with the Kardashians – Just Jared 

Billy Joel and the newest member of the Gold Digger Club are parents to a new daughter they named Della Reese. I know they named her Della Rose, but I’m just going to choose to believe that’s a typo and her real name is Della Reese – ICYDK

“Make it look very ‘From Here To Eternity’” is probably what Bradley Cooper’s publicist said to him and Irina Shayk before this photo shoot for the paps – Popsugar

Jimmy Carter has cancer – Jezebel

Pics: Splash

Blake Shelton is threatening to sue InTouch Weekly for saying that his alleged affair with country singer Cady Groves was the reason why his marriage ended. I know that Blake and Miranda didn’t have kids, but was this Cady person ever a nanny to their llamas or camels or horses? Because if not, I don’t buy it. It’s all about boning the nanny right now – Lainey Gossip 

The new season of Couples Therapy really is an A-list extravaganza – Reality Tea 

While scrolling through Miley Cyrus’ MTV VMA promo pictures, I nearly prolapsed out of shock from not seeing her topless. And then my eyes landed on her wearing green screen pasties – Drunken Stepfather

Josaiah Duggar and his courtin’ partner broke up, but they will always have their first side-hug – Celebitchy

The Deadpool trailer is here and it has curse words in it, so cover up your pristine virgin ears – The Superficial 

The Stonewall trailer needs more rioting drag queens – Towleroad

I, for one, like Kate Mara’s Dollar Tree Mia Farrow haircut – IDLYITW

Pimp Mama Kris’ skills are slipping if the best piece she can get for one of her main hos is Nick Jonas – Jezebel

The big-tittied blonde model who isn’t Kate Upton is still getting papped – Popoholic

A woman is suing FOX for $300 million, because she claims she’s the real Cookie Lyon. In her defense, suing a trick for $300 million is such a Cookie Lyon thing to do – OMG Blog

But has Louis CK made the Mayor of NYC watch him jack-off in a dressing room yet? – Pajiba

Four words: Corgi on a surfboard – The Berry 

In-N-Out would NEVER do this kind of disgusting shit. Okay, maybe they would and if they did, I’d still eat it – Hollywood Tuna 

Mimi got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and her twins truly didn’t give a shit about it – Popsugar

Macklemore had a baby. Well, Macklemore didn’t, but you know what I mean – Just Jared

And just when I thought that “Everything Is Awesome” song couldn’t get even more annoying…. – SOW

Pic: Wenn.com

In California, it’s illegal to use newborns younger than 15 days old for any kind of TV or movie shoot. Babies who are between the ages of 16 days and 6 months can be used but only for 20 minutes a day. If there wasn’t a law, Michelle Duggar would have moved to California a long time ago and opened up a newborn acting agency in her twat. But in South Africa, where Sean Penn is directing a movie, there are no laws like that and a newborn baby can go directly from the womb to the makeup chair on a film set.

Deadline says that the hairy Craisin is currently in Cape Town doing reshoots for a movie called The Last Face (Side note: That face above might’ve been the last face you’ve seen, because there’s a good chance his piping hot skin burned your retinas). In the movie, Sean’s ex-piece Charlize Theron and Javier Bardem play doctors who are doing humanitarian relief work amidst a political/social revolution in Africa. Adèle Exarchopoulos and Jean Reno also star, and soon a 10-second-old baby will also join the cast.

Production recently put out a casting call for a pregnant black woman who is due to give birth any second now. If you’re a pregnant black woman in Cape Town who wants her newborn to be in a Sean Penn movie, but you’re going into labor right now, you better cross your legs tight and keep that baby up in there for another day. (Tip: Keep a picture of Jim Bob Duggar at the foot of your cooch and your baby will crawl up the other way real fast.) Production needs a baby that is coming into this world on either Saturday or Sunday. The baby will make $120 a day and may have to work for 2 days. Here’s the WTF notice they put out:

They should pay that baby more than $120 a day. That child is going to need some extra money to pay for all the therapy they’ll have to get from staring at Sean Penn’s George Hamilton nutsack face during the first few days of their life. I was going to say that Sean should rewrite the role and get Clint Eastwood to send him over the American Sniper fake baby, but that won’t work. The American Sniper fake baby is more famous than everyone in that movie and there’s no way Sean can afford its day rate.

Here’s Charlize working Heidi braids at the L.A. premiere of the straight-to-DirecTV movie Dark Places.

Pics: Wenn.com

The Trashman from the Trashman video game!

Whenever I play Far Cry 4 (and yes, I’ve been playing it since last year since I can’t beat that shit and no, me not being able to beat that shit has nothing to do with me being as stoned as a rock while playing it), I always wish that my PS4 was a Commodore 64 and that I was playing Trashman instead. No, I really don’t wish that, but I will now.

Trashman was sort of like Paperboy. It came out in 1984ish on Commodore 64 (Note to the youngs: Think of a Commodore 64 as a PS4 but only better and more advanced) and the Avatar-like graphics and next level gameplay blew young minds and we haven’t been the same since. I don’t think I played the game until the mid-to-late 80s. One my friend’s friends had it and his computer froze all the time while playing it, but dealing with all those technical difficulties was worth it.

That tiny little blue thing with the tiny little white thing on top is the Trashman. You had to move him to each house, grab the trash can, take it to the garbage cart thing on the street and empty it. I know, it sounds impossible to achieve. But you also had to dodge cars, watch out for dogs who’d bite your leg and deal with homeowners who wanted you to look at “their broken TVs” (read: do ’em in the morning and then just walk away. I know, it’s supposed to be a children’s game!). Young ass gamers these days don’t know how hard we had it. They think they have it hard when they have to complete a mission by killing 45 bad guys with nothing but 1 gun and they have to do it in 30 seconds. We had to dodge 1-bit cars! Get off my 1-bit lawn!

Below is a video of Trashman in action. Trashman should really be rebooted, but instead of taking out trashcans, you should have to pick up the likes of Bill Cosby, Josh Duggar and Donald Trump and put them where they belong. It’d take the video game world by storm (as long as they don’t update the graphics).