Jill And Jessa Duggar Said Everything You Thought They’d Say During Their Interview Last Night
Even though most of our brains were like “One of these is enough, really“, Megyn Kelly’s second interview with the Duggar family happened last night. We already knew that Josh Duggar’s sisters Jill and Jessa Duggar have forgiven him for molesting them when he was a teenager, and now we have the rest of what Jill and Jessa Duggar have to say about this whole situation. And while it wasn’t nearly as gross as the first, thanks in part to there being no surprise appearance by the family’s patriarch and puppet master Jim Bob Duggar, it was still pretty depressing. You know things are bleak when you find yourself saying “Well, the good news is, at least we don’t have to stare at Jim Bob Duggar’s creepy Bill Dauterive-looking ass for 29 minutes.”
Megyn Kelly (who sort of looked like she was styled by Carmela Soprano) spent 29 minutes talking to Jill and Jessa, aka letting them recite the answers that were given to them about how what Josh did to them is not that bad, and forgiveness, and he was just a kid, and that yeah, they’re victims, but not like victim victims.
Jill And Jessa Duggar Have Forgiven Their Brother
I don’t know if Pepto-Bismol works this way, but I just chugged an entire bottle hoping it might prevent some of the nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea I will definitely get from reading this awful shit about the Duggars. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Megyn Kelly’s second interview with the Duggars airs tonight, and this time she’s sitting down with two of Josh Duggars molestation victims, his sisters Jill and Jessa. If you were wondering whether the second interview is just as awful as the first, Megyn has pretty much confirmed that, yes, yes it is. Megyn spoke to Extra about her upcoming interview with Jill and Jessa, and she let us know what to expect this evening.
“They started off as your normal 22, 24-year-old girls, a little bubbly, kinda giggly, and then when we really get into it the tears started to flow… imagine how painful that would be… they never chose to have this piece of their family story put out there, and I think they are struggling with what people are assuming about their family and about what happened to them.”
When asked if she thinks Jill and Jessa have forgiven their brother for the shit he did, Megyn answered:
“I do, yeah I do. They told me that. They also talked about the journey from the pain to the forgiveness, and it was not without some bumps in the road.”
Ugh, why do I get the feeling that part of the interview began with Michelle Duggar pulling a cue-card out of her crunchy nest of hair, handing it to Jill and Jessa, and whispering “Now remember, you’ve forgiven Josh. I’ve written down your journey from pain to forgiveness right here if you so happen to forget.”
By the way, the Pepto didn’t work. Turns out it’s no match for the stomach-turning power of this mess.
All The Shitty Things That Were Mouth Farted Out During The Duggars’ Interview With Megyn Kelly
The tl;dr version of “All The Shitty Things That Were Mouth Farted Out During The Duggars’ Interview with Megyn Kelly” is: EVERYTHING.
If you have ice packs on your forehead and squirted a whole tube of Bengay on your face first thing this morning (and not in a sexy way), your mug is probably sore as all hell from cringing while watching Jim Bob Duggar and his brainwashed hostage Michelle Duggar dribble out shit-wrapped excuse after shit-wrapped excuse about their son Josh Duggar’s child touching ways. Megyn Kelly’s interview with the Duggars aired on Fox News last night and I really wish that it was Nancy Grace instead. That interview would’ve lasted a total of 10 seconds. It would’ve taken Nancy 8 seconds to unlock her jaw and swallow them both whole and it would’ve taken another 2 seconds for her to pull their skeletons from her mouth like a cartoon cat pulling out fishbones.
During the entire interview, Michelle stared at Jim Bob like an eager-to-please Cocker Spaniel. Every time she said something, she turned to him like, “Did I do good, daddy?”
I’m surprised Jim Bob didn’t toss a Snausage into her mouth and then pat the top of her head after she said each pre-rehearsed answer.
InTouch Weekly Keeps The Horrific Duggar Shit Coming
Prepare to stick an enema full of bleach into your ear to cleanse your brain, because this is a post about the Duggars.
InTouch Weekly can’t stop and won’t stop digging through Josh Duggar’s police reports to find more horrifying, dark-sided pieces of information. They once again used the Freedom of Information Act to get a police report from the Washington County Sheriff’s Office. InTouch says that the police report from Washington County has a lot more information in it than the report from the Springdale Police Department.
Michelle And Jim Bob Duggar Will Sit Down With Fox News To Talk About The Molestation Scandal
You know your brain doesn’t want any more of this Duggar mess when it sees a picture of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, and its immediate reaction is to zoom in on that table menu right behind the crunchy poof of hair on Michelle’s head and focus on what appears to be a picture of a chocolate milkshake, like “Hey, what’s that? That looks interesting. Let’s find out more about that milkshake.”
Earlier today, Our Patron Saint of Scrunch Spray announced on the Duggar Family blog that she and Jim Bob will be sitting down with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly to discuss the recent molester grossness regarding their son Josh Duggar. Hmmm, I wonder if at any point during that interview Jim Bob will suggest it’s time for Josh to say his goodbyes? Yeah, probably not.
“Next week we will sit down with Megyn Kelly on Fox News to share our hearts with you about the pain that we walked through as a family twelve years ago, the tears we all shed and the forgiveness that was given. We appreciate the outpouring of love and prayers for our family at this time.”
Somewhere in Heaven, Jesus is like “Oh dad dammit, they’re totally going to drag me into this, aren’t they? Pass the Tylenol.”
UsWeekly says that Jim Bob and Michelle’s interview with The Kelly File will air on June 3rd, with an additional interview airing during a one-hour The Kelly File special on June 5th. Really? Two nights of airtime dedicated to Jim Bob and Michelle rambling on about forgiveness and mistakes and Jesus and The Bible? Funny or Die did it in two-and-a-half minutes.
Pic: Instagram
Even Rick Santorum Is Grossed Out By The Duggars
Rick Santorum announced on Good Morning America today that he’s going to give the whole” running for president” thing another go. The last time he battled it out in the country’s bitchiest bitch fest, the entire Duggar family endorsed him. If it was legal for children to vote, Rick Santorum would’ve won by a landslide since there’s at least 10 million of those in the Duggar family. But Rick Santorum shouldn’t expect the Duggar women to stitch the words “Santorum Makes My Ovaries Tingle” onto their denim skirts this time around. Because while on GMA this morning, George Stephanopoulos asked Rick Santorum for his thoughts on the molesting pumpkin head and he pretty much spit out a frothy dollop of pure disgust. via Yahoo!
“I was sickened by it. I was just sickened by it,” Santorum, a Christian conservative who had the support of the Duggar family during his first presidential campaign in 2012, said. “I pray for those girls in particular.”
He added: “To have gone through that is … just hard to think about.”
Rick Santorum probably saw the giant load of backlash that splattered against Mike Huckabee’s mug when he raised his Team Duggar sign and said that he was supporting them. So Rick Santorum thought to himself, “Err, just say the opposite of what that other guy said.”
You’d think that since I ran for drama club secretary once (yes, I lost) I’d know a lot about political campaigning. I don’t, but I do know that if you’re a political candidate and someone asks you what you think about a child toucher, you should let them know you’re grossed out by making the hacking up sound a cat makes while heaving up a hairball on a rug. It’s really the only right answer.
And the good news for Rick Santorum is that since the Duggars won’t be following him around on the campaign trail like they did in 2012, he doesn’t have to use brain space on trying to remember all of their goddamn names.
Pic: Flickr