Many advertisers are doing what Jim Bob Duggar has never done while mating with Michelle Duggar. They’re pulling out. So far, 13+ advertisers and counting have let it be known that they’re done with buying commercial space during 19 Kids and Counting. TLC snatched 19 Kids and Counting from its schedule, but they haven’t officially dropped it in the bin marked CANCELED yet. Maybe they’re thinking it’ll all blow over (or they’re working on that rumored spin-off show). If they’re waiting it out, they better get a copy of War and Peace and have a seat in the most comfortable chair in the waiting room, because it’s going to be a while. This mess isn’t going away. Case in point: InTouch Weekly uncovered another dingle in this shitty situation.

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Since I’ve already farted up posts about Pimp Mama Kris and Bristol Palin, I may as well complete the fame whore trifecta by farting up a post about the Duggars. So here we are.

This whole Josh Duggar child touching situation has already produced several dozen Big Gulps full of chunky, lukewarm hypocrisy and here’s another one, so open up and plug your nose. The police report from 2006 says that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar knew that Josh Duggar was a 14-year-old PedoCub who molested several girls (including his sisters) but they never turned him over to the cops. Jim Bob asked a state trooper friend (turned convicted kiddie porn collector) to give Josh a “stern” warning. When the police wanted to talk to Josh for real in 2006, Jim Bob refused to bring his son in for questioning. Well, the Jim Bob Duggar of 2002 claims to have felt much differently about how an incest committer should be punished.

In 2002, Jim Bob Duggar ran for U.S. Senate and on his campaign website, he said that anybody who commits incest should find themselves side-hugging the Grim Reaper during a one-way trip to hell. Jim Bob’s campaign site has since been deleted, but nothing is ever truly deleted on the internet. Defamer got a screen shot through a cached version of the site. While you read this mess, I’m off to Google: “How Do I Truly Delete A Cached Version Of Some Old MySpace Pictures Of My Friend And Me Dressed In Drag As Mariah Carey In The Heartbreaker Video At A Halloween Party In 1999?”

Jim Bob lost the Republican nomination. Josh Duggar is also still alive.

It’s really not surprising that when his own committed incest, Jim Bob went from “Death to those evil incest doers” to “Oh, I’ll just ask Officer McPedoFlicks over there to give him a stern talking to” real quick. It’s just one of those things that after you read, you shrug and think to yourself, “That’s so Duggar.” But I have learned something new about the Duggars, specifically Michelle.

I used to think that Michelle’s curly fries and tidal wave bang hair looked like that because she covered it with homemade gel and enough hairspray to kill a bull. But now I know that it looks like that because it’s full of dark-sided secrets!

After Josh Duggar’s child touching ways were exposed, he dribbled out a nauseating statement where he said he said that he prayed the pedo away and was really sorry for molesting five girls (four of which are his sisters). Well, he’s so sorry that not long after he “repented” for his sins, he mouth farted up an incest joke.

Somebody pulled out an old clip from a 2008 episode of 19 ATMS and Counting (which was 17 ATMS and Counting back then) where a 20-year-old Josh said that he wanted to take his then courtin’ partner Anna on a date and his sister Jinger (Side note: I still CAN’T with the name “Jinger.”) was supposed to be their chaperone. But since they were going to see an R-rated movie, Jinger couldn’t go and his other siblings Jana and John David Duggar went instead. Josh joked that it was a double-date and then laughed while saying, “We are from Arkansas!” CAUTION: Heave-inducing material ahead.

That hoarse cackle you hear is Bill Cosby laughing at Josh’s hilarious joke.

It’s not surprising that this mound of gross would joke about some sick shit he actually did, but it is surprising that the Duggar kids are allowed to see 18+ rated movies. I thought Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar told their kids that their souls will liquefy and become  Lucifer’s laundry detergent if their pristine eyes are exposed to anything that isn’t rated G (for GODLY).

In other Duggar news, People (who used to be firmly on Team Duggar and jumped off of that ship real quick) posted a history of the Josh Duggar molestation stories going back 8 years. Gawker also posted a terrifying piece about the fundamentalist brand of Christianity that the Duggars belong to. And lastly (although, I’m sure 500 more Duggar posts will pop up on the Internet as soon as I hit the publish button), the judge who made the call to destroy Josh Duggar’s police report was twice appointed by #1 Duggar fangirl Mike Huckabee.

And if a friend throws you looks of judgement today as you eyeball an entire bottle of vodka at a Memorial Day BBQ, just stop for a second and say, “I read another Duggar post today.” They’ll probably grab another bottle of vodka and help you out by pouring it in your other eye socket.

Ugh. Even when he’s nothing but a solid-white blob with a question mark over his face, Josh Duggar still manages to give me the creeps.

I’ve started to develop some major tears in my neck muscles, on account of all the chronic NOPE-style head shaking this gross mess with Josh Duggar has caused. But my neck isn’t the only thing that has gotten sore; my eyes are also cramping up at the amount of times they’ve hard-stared at TLC in an “Are you going to do anything about this?” way. So far, all TLC has done is release a statement saying they’re sad for the family and victims and that they’re pulling all episodes of 19 Kids & Counting off the air. Now TMZ says TLC is thinking about pulling more than just episodes.

According to “connected industry sources“, TLC is weighing their options when it comes to 19 Kids & Counting. One option is to flat-out cancel the show, but that probably won’t happen, because the only thing TLC likes more than families who disclose their shady pasts before they get on camera is cold hard cash. TLC also believes the Josh Duggar molestation scandal wouldn’t affect viewership, since it’s pretty clear they still have a huge evangelical fan base who would keep watching the show. However, they are worries that companies might pull their advertising dollars.

So their second option is to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Josh Duggar and his family and completely take him out of the show. According to the sources, nobody really gives a shit about Josh anyway and viewers only care about the girls, like Jill and Jessa. Apparently option No. 2 is the one that is looking best to TLC.

But what I really want to know is how TLC plans on writing (yes writing – we all know that shit is as fake as a Kardashian’s ass) Josh Duggar off the show. Will he die in an unfortunate botulism accident from improperly sterilized pickle jars? Or maybe they’ll pull a Poochie and send him back to his home planet on a flying can of Aqua Net hairspray, never to been seen or heard of again.

A quick minute after InTouch Weekly coughed up the receipts proving that Josh Duggar was briefly investigated for molesting 5 young girls, including his sisters, when he was a teenager, he has released a statement to People confirming that it’s true. He also resigned as spokeswhore of the Family Research Council. In the statement, Josh shits up a heave-worthy dingle about how he realized that if he kept going down Child Touching Way, he’d ruin his life. Oh, poor Josh. Let’s only think about his life, because it’s not like he ruined the lives of the girls.

“Twelve years ago, as a young teenager, I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends. I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”

I would do anything to go back to those teen years and take different actions,” says Josh. “I sought forgiveness from those I had wronged and asked Christ to forgive me and come into my life. In my life today, I am so very thankful for God’s grace, mercy and redemption.”

FYI: Michelle Duggar admitted in the police report that Josh never got actual counseling. They just sent him to live with a friend who owns a home renovation business. So yeah, sanding a deck and painting an accent wall in a living room really changed him.

TMZ also says that a judge today ordered for the police report to be destroyed after one of the victims told the court that she doesn’t want her name getting out there. InTouch Weekly got a hold of a redacted copy and she’s afraid that the unredacted copy will get out there. The judge agreed with her.

Josh’s pregnant wife Anna, his dad Jim Bob and his mom Michelle (who once compared transgender people to child touchers in a robocall) also released statements to People. Anna just said that Josh told her a while ago, she’s standing by him and she knows that the counseling he got (which he didn’t get) changed him. Jim Bob and Michelle basically said that they also support Josh and God got them through it. If you combine all their statements together, they say God’s name at least a million times. They say it so much that I’m sure God is thinking, “Leave me out of this shit already!”

And if you really need a reason to bang your head against a table over and over again, read some of the comments at the 19 Kids and Counting Facebook page. I think I bruised my pituitary gland and I didn’t even know I had one of those!

Pic: Reuters

Before we dive face first into a giant puddle of grossness, here’s a video of a puppy friend going, “Hiccups, how do they work?” You’re definitely going to need it later. Or just skip this depressing wreck altogether and go straight to the palate cleansing cuteness.

Yesterday, my mouth gave birth to 19 heaves (and counting) when I wrote about how the eldest of the Duggars, Josh Duggar, was investigated briefly for doing something “inappropriate” to a minor when he was 17. The only details we knew at the time were that his dad Jim Bob Duggar turned his son in to the police and the case went nowhere due to a pedo state trooper not following up on it. Well, InTouch Weekly and TMZ have added 4,500 coats of gross creepiness to the situation.

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