During day two of Prince Hot Ginge’s visit to NYC, he dropped in on the Children’s Zone of Harlem. PHG singed eyebrows with his charm and caused hearts to stop temporarily with one wink. He also took part in a little game of “Pop the Balloon.” Why. Is. He. Teasing. Me. Like. This. ?.

Those are the luckiest balloons in the universe. They all percolated in their cage with excitement when Hot Ginge came around. On the inside they were screaming, “Pick me! Pop me! Sit on me! Rip me to shreds! Destroy me! Give me that hot ginge ass bush!” Although, it kind of looks like he’s on the royal throne if I ain’t being too subtle. Why am I ruining this for everyone? Forget I said that and just pretend you are the balloon that he just popped. And by “you,” I mean me.

You know he didn’t even have to touch the balloon. The electricity radiating off his nalgas made it EXPLODE instantly.

Here’s Hot Ginge in Harlem this morning and also some pictures of him planting a tree in the British Gardens yesterday afternoon. Look at him stick his big tree into that dirty dirty hole. Look at him take that shovel and just pour dirt all over it. Look at him pat that hole with the shovel. This isn’t at all sexy sounding, right? Ugh. I’ve got the fevah in a bad way. No wonder they won’t let me out of the house!

Susan Boyle, the most famous person who ever lived, came in second on Britain’s Got Talent tonight. The dance group Diversity won the top prize! That might explain why your cat just started shaking uncontrollably and tore through the screen door. England is also on high alert, because the cats of the country are going to gather in the streets and screech until every window is broken.

Susan herself seemed to take it well on the outside. She did sort of a little sexy jig. If this singing thing doesn’t work out for her she definitely could have a career in burlesque. Better yet, she should join the Pussycat Dolls! She has the moves, the looks, the sexiness, the voice and she is the reigning Queen of Cats. It makes sense. Get out your pasties out, Susan!

Even though she was very gracous about coming in second, you know she ran backstage and starting biting off heads! They had to drag her away and now she’s quietly singing “I Dreamed a Dream” in her padded room. I’m telling jokes! The lovable teddy bear went home to hug her cat. Although, you know her cat packed up its shit and quit that bitch, because it knew momma was not going to happy.

Below is Susan’s final performance. Yes, she sang that Fantine song again. Even though she did do it better this time, I was hoping she would do something else like Snoop Dogg’s Sexual Seduction or Khia’s My Neck, My Back. Something like that! But this isn’t the last of Susan Boyle! She will continue her world domination. Viva SuBo!

Thanks Jovi!

You can always count on Xtina Tanguilera to make you feel like you need to dunk your head in bleach and then give yourself a face scrub using OxiClean. Xtina never fails to make my pores cry.

She always looks like a lil’ gay boy with a weak wrist and a dangerous obsession with Jem! (aka me circa 1986) did her make-up.

You know that whenever new pictures of Xtina come out, the government breathes a sigh of relief, because they know there’s one less industry they need to bail out: The fucking cosmetics industry.

Here’s the always natural Xtina at Tao in Las Vegas last night with joo-ree designer Stephen Webster.

Katie Price is not going to let a little thing called “my marriage is dead because my husband likes to gargle with man milk in the morning” get in the way of her slut strut! Katie Price hiked up her overgrown plastic hamster balls to take the runway at The Clothes Show in London yesterday. And is Harvey’s mama je’e a fan of Kate Gosselin, because there is definitely a beaver on steroids lying on her head.

Here’s a few more pictures of Katie proving that you can’t keep a good whore down for long. Flex that ribcage like you don’t need a meal, bitch!

Just when I was starting to forget about the baby-holic with a uterus like a tenrec, she goes and does this! OctoMommy has proven that her pimp hand is stronger than ever! Octo will officially be coming to a Tivo queue near you, because she’s just signed a deal for her own reality show! The show will come in handy when you feel like you need a reason to punch your private parts. Weeeee!

Octo’s attorney told UsWeekly that she signed a deal on Thursday with Eyeworks. He describes the show as a “quasi-reality TV series.” More like queasy reality series. Keep the Pepto-Bismol handy.

He went on to barf, “Nadya and the producers are hoping to have an arrangement whereby several events in the children’s lives would be filmed in a documentary series. One of the events in the children’s lives might be their first birthday. They might be several shows aired during a year. There are all kinds of possibilities. It really depends on what the networks want. Her television program will not be like the Jon and Kate Plus 8 show. Nadya is looking forward to providing her side of the story.”

Hey, it was only a matter of time before she was going to shine up those babies and put ’em out on the ho stroll. And this sounds almost like Jon & Kate! Instead of Jon, Octo’s co-star will be the saggy, hairless, lifeless mound of excess skin that desperately wants to be released from her body. I should correct myself. This will be EXACTLY like Jon & Kate.

Sergio Garcia – Fairfax High’s 2009 Prom Queen! Sergio, an openly gay student at the high school in Hollywood, CA, wanted to be a part of the royal prom court, but felt like the title of “queen” fit him better than the title of “king.” He says it all started out as a stunt, but it quickly began to mean something more to him. A few days before the prom, Sergio gave this speech to his fellow classmates: “At one time, prom may have been a big popularity contest where the best-looking guy or girl were crowned king and queen. Things have changed and it’s no longer just about who has the most friends or who wears the coolest clothes. Sure, I’m not your typical prom queen candidate. There’s more to me than meets the eye.”

Sergio’s homegirls spent the next week campaigning for his ass and it paid off. He beat out the girls and was crowned The Queen of the Year! Miss California 2010, here he comes!!!

For John