Looks like another spot just opened up on The Goop Troop’s Hawaiian family vacation. UsWeekly says that after almost a year of unconfirmed fucking, Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence have packed what was left of their maybe-relationship into a box and drove it to Savers. RIP Martin Lawrence. On the upside, the real Martin Lawrence can drop that NaeNae, because today is the day he finally gets his name back.

An “insider” (Gwyneth Paltrow using a fake phone voice and desperately trying not to let out a dry cackle of glee) claims they split up because JLaw has been working non-stop and they never saw each other. The same insider also wants you to know that America’s former sweetheart has been spending a lot of time with her panty-dropping ex, Nicholas Hoult, adding that “they’re on great terms now, and their families have stayed close.” JLaw and About A Boy are currently filming X-Men: Apocalypse together, which might explain why they’re spending so much time together. Or maybe they want to start banging each other again. Who knows? Get whatever you want to get, girl. Get Nicholas Hoult, get that hot as fuck bodyguard of yours. Get it all! The world is your all-you-can bang penis buffet.

No word on whether or not their decision to end shit had anything to do with Chris Martin getting caught working his mopey magic on Kylie Minogue last week in London. Did anyone hear a story about Jennifer Lawrence screaming the words “FUCK THAT TWO-TIMING ASS!” while angrily tossing Chris Martin’s collection of scarves onto the street at 3am?

*Picture removed by request

Hi, I’m porn’s Troy McClure. You may remember me from such bestiality film’s as The Little Squirtmaid and For The Halibutt. – GuestStop

Upvote winners (it’s a tie!):

…I think we’re gonna need a bigger butt. – 38chrysler

Deadliest Crotch. – watagump1 .

Pic: FYWP via Tosh.0

The gigantic glitter-spewing peen in Norway’s chlamydia PSA! 

According to The Telegraph, the STD rates in Norway are high and 23,000 people get chlamydia every year, because apparently when you Norwegians aren’t pickling fish, you’re getting your bareback fun on. (Side note: Pickling the fish sounds like a charming way of saying that you’re passing an STD to a poon.) The sex education charity RFSU wants to warn Norwegian teens and 20-somethings of chlamydia so they hired 19-year-old Philip van Eck to put on a dick costume and spray glitter on unsuspecting people. Those people now know how Liberace’s tricks felt when he gave them a facial.

RFSU says that they didn’t want to bore the youngins with a PSA filled with facts and statistics and shit. They wanted to make a fun campaign and there’s really nothing that is more fun than a big dick cumming glitter. Philip says that he was more than happy to put on a dick suit for the campaign titled “Penis Can Surprise You.” (I wish penis would surprise me more.)

“I thought it was hilarious. If I can help others, just by being a dick, there is nothing better.”

Even though I’m all for big dicks shooting out glitter jizz, I’m not sure how this PSA makes chlamydia seem like a bad thing. I mean, if one of the symptoms of chlamydia was glitter jizz, I’d be trying to bone human chlamydia strain Charlie Sheen right now.

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Jamie Dornan grew a stache and now looks like half of the 70s dads your friends tweeted on Throwback Father’s Day. And yes, yes, I would. I’d hit it, that stache and that neck canyon – Lainey Gossip 

“Meh,” said Oliver and Kate Hudson when their bio dad Bill Hudson declared that they’re dead to him – Celebitchy

Hide yo glasses! Lisa Rinna will be back on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills next season – Reality Tea

Christina Milian is looking like a rejected Vanity 6 member and she’s never looked more elegant – Drunken Stepfather 

It’s a hamster BBQ! Don’t worry, no hamsters were barbecued – Hollywood Tuna

Lindsay Lohan’s chichis look like they’ve got the sads – The Superficial 

Caitlyn Jenner has totally been going through Pimp Mama Kris’ closet – Popsugar

Michael Sam and his pocket hottie piece are probably done – Towleroad

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence walked in front of the paps and she didn’t put chopsticks in her mouth or draw a pen stache on her face – Popoholic

This is what the lady Ghostbusters will be wearing – The Berry

Even Cheryl “Mop Head” Burke has had it with Donald Trump’s shit – Jezebel

Joni Mitchell’s conservator says the news about her not being able to speak is wrong – HuffPo

The ginger girl from Harry Potter is really all grown up now – Pajiba

Alex Trebek raps the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song and sounds like a serial killer while doing so – SOW

Orlando Bloom’s got a new piece – ICYDK

Gay marriage: Kids get it! (Specifically, the kids Jimmy Kimmel interviewed get it!) – OMG Blog

Today in WTF: Neve Campbell’s going to be in House of Cards next season – Just Jared

Pic: FameFlynet

Instagram is hard (unlike Marc Jacobs’ dick in the picture he accidentally showed the Internet). You think you’re dropping a picture of your nalgas and dick tip into the private box of some trick you met on Instagram and before you know it, you’ve accidentally posted it for everyone to see. That happened to Marc Jacobs last night.

Marc meant to DM a picture of his 52-year-old goods, along with the note “It’s yours to try,” to someone on Instagram, but he posted it instead. Marc Jacobs deleted it, but not before someone screen shot it and later dropped it into Gawker’s tip box. It looks like Marc to me, because only a highly-skilled gay pin-up model like him would bust out a come hither twist pose in an Instagram picture.

Oh, the dangers of sending pics of your bare body through the Internet. I mean, accidents happen. You’re drunk and stoned and think you’re sending a picture of your down low parts to a prospective trick, but accidentally post it as a Facebook status for all your friends and family members to see. Your auntie won’t even look at you at the next family reunion. That’s why if someone ever asks to see a picture of my goods (they won’t), I’ll just take a Polaroid and send it in the mail. Sure, mailing pictures of my naked body would get me in trouble for using the postal service to send toxic substances, but that’s better than my judgmental tia shaking her head at me while muttering the words, “Sucio pendejo.”

And Gawker has the NSFW version of MJ sticking the tip into Instagram.