Meryl Streep is getting torn apart today and everyone is screaming “FINISH HER!” at her ass because of some words she spit out at a press conference for the Berlin International Film Festival. And yes, at the Oscars later this month, Meryl Streep will receive an honorary Oscar for Best Oscar Winner To Get Torn To Fucking Shreds On Twitter.

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Do you make terrible decisions with money? Do you have an extra $100 million lying around? Then why not call up Kanye West (1-800-ASSPLAY) with the good news that you’re willing to dump a fuckload of cash into his insanely overpriced hobo ballerina clothing line, Yeezy.

According to Page Six, Kanye has been going door to door asking for $100 million so he can take Yeezy from joke to joke with more exposure. So far, Kanye has hit up the CEO of LVMH (which owns Louis Vuitton, Dior, and Marc Jacobs) and Chris Burch (who launched Tory Burch), both of whom probably responded by cackling “Hard pass!” before slamming the door. Kanye also hired a company called Relativity Fashion last year to help him find investors, but that dream died when they filed for Chapter 11 in July.

I’m sure you’re wondering why he doesn’t just text his wife and ask if she can spare a couple million from her monthly Botox fund. Well, he might have to resort to that sooner than later, considering he’s apparently already sunk a whole lot of his own money into Yeezy. A source says:

“Kanye is spending a lot of money. He thinks on a big scale and is currently paying for everything himself. He needs a backer to help him achieve the kind of fashion-world domination he is aiming for.”

How much money does Kanye need for that shit? His fashion shows take place in an empty warehouse, he gets a 10% family discount on his models from Kris Jenner’s Rent-A-Wreck, and all the clothes look like they were made from old sleeping bags and slightly-irregular pantyhose stolen from a L’Eggs factory outlet store. I’m not good at math, but that’s like, $100.

At least now the audience will understand when Kanye closes the Yeezy fashion show this afternoon with models passing around a donation plate. “Please give to the Church of Yeezus Christ. Every dollar helps.”

Pic: Wenn.com

Even though her ass is out of this world, I had to break it off. She was way too much of a Klingon. – watagump1.

Upvote winner:

According to Instagram, she’s still with that crackhead. – Matt Atat

Pic: Tosh.0

The metal ball necklace!

In the 90s, we didn’t clutch our pearls. We clutched our metal balls. We walked around looking like the Tin Man busted one all over our necks. Anybody who was an edgy, hard anarchist and listened to genuine punk music from Save Ferris, No Doubt and The Ataris (and later Sum 41 and Avril Lavigne) wore metal ball jewelry. Posers got theirs at Hot Topic, but real punk bitches, like my friend and I, got our ball chain from Home Depot!

I used to have several metal ball bracelets and necklaces, but I lost most of them throughout the years. I still have a bracelet and every now and again, I pull it out and think about wearing it. Because it reminds me of better times when some of us let it be known that we were always ready for some anal bead action. I mean, I still keep anal beads in my pocket just in case, but back in the late-90s we wore them proudly!

Pic: Subject To Fashion

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The new trailer for that High-Rise movie has an almost naked Tom Hiddleston in it. I’m assuming the prop department knew how crazy the Hiddlestoners can get and destroyed his dick-covering cloth. Because I didn’t see anything in the news about how a Hiddlestoner stole it from a warehouse and married it in a beautiful ceremony – Lainey Gossip 

You already knew this, but Johnny Depp confirmed that he passed his cheese stick of a peen to Amber Heard while he was still with Gappy – Celebitchy

Nicole Kidman’s nipples don’t look like tiny icicles here, so this is obviously the work of CGI magic – The Nip Slip 

Lisa Rinna and Yolanda Foster had a Twitter fight, because for every Twitter fight they have, Andy Cohen slides a stack of money their way – Reality Tea 

I see that Katie Holmes is a 100% human again and no longer has Scientology microchips in her brain – The Superficial 

Goopy Paltrow and her self-proclaimed butt of a 22-year-old stripper did a photo shoot – Drunken Stepfather

Carmen Electra is so 2006 looking and I love it – Hollywood Tuna 

Lana Del Rey’s new video makes it look like being in a 70s cult was really, really boring – OMG Blog

Try not to look too shocked when it’s announced that James Franco will star in, write, direct, produce, do the music, do the costumes and be the main fluffer on the Tom of Finland biopic – Towleroad

Kaley Cuoco’s Givenchy slide sandals probably cost a week’s worth of my rent. Trick should be saving money for her next divorce settlement and made her own by writing the name “Givenchy” in Wite-Out on a pair of $1 slide sandals from the 99 Cent Store. They probably would’ve looked hotter too – IDLYITW

FYI: Alison Brie probably didn’t wear chonies to the How To Be Single premiere in London – Popoholic

Kanye West changed the name of his album to The Life Of Pablo and I’m guessing that Pablo is what he calls his booty hole – Just Jared

Sharon Stone was once a lucky bitch who got to ride the Silver Spoons train – SOW

Um, can I just buy all the tiles that Joan Collins’ feet touched? – Jezebel

Sorry parents of little kids, but soon they’ll be splitting your nerves even more by begging you to take them to Frozen on Broadway – HuffPo

Ryan Reynolds’ PR team got him another People Magazine title that means shit – Popsugar