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Open Post: Hosted By The Beer That Saved A Wyoming Rancher’s Life
It’s about time the wondrous miracle that is alcohol gets a little credit after being blamed for the reason why creepy creeps act creepy. We just never imagined the actual form the tipsiness-inducing savior would take could be canned beer, but here we are.
The New York Post shares the harrowing tale of 53-year-old Wyoming rancher, Frank Reynolds, and the vehicle rollover accident that would have cost his life were it not for a cooler filled with Keystone Light.
A “Jackass Forever” Actor Named “Poopies” Got Bitten By A Shark During Shark Week
You know when a headline includes “jackass,” “poopies” and a shark bite, that it could totally mean TMI about the anal expulsion habits of pants-pooper Kanye West, who was labeled a jackass by President Obama, getting bitched out by his caustic, former mother-in-law, except this time it isn’t, but the actual story is just as WTF.
Discovery Channel’s annual tradition of Shark Week turns 21 this year, and in order to celebrate, one of the participating sharks seized the day and helped itself to some daredevil man-flesh in the form of Sean “Poopies” McInerney, new to the extremely distinguished lineup in the movie Jackass Forever (formerly titled Jackass 4), set for release in October.
Open Post: Hosted By A Dog Happily Frolicking With A Raccoon
I don’t know about anyone else’s dogs, but none of mine, past or present, would consider a raccoon to be a playmate. Other furred beasts are either food still on the hoof or fast-moving toys, without much room for more nuanced canine interpretation in between.
Today, however, ViralHog presents a fun-loving puppy in Ohio named Chief who appears to be at least part German Shepherd, and is forcing me to realize that my dogs have all been freakishly bloodthirsty beasts, because clearly it’s possible for the two species to chase each other and frolic good-naturedly without a thought of turning each other into dinner afterward (we can’t really know what they’re thinking, but let’s just roll with the Kumbaya theme today).
TikToker Addison Rae Was Getting Dragged For Landing A Reporter Job With Zero Qualifications, But Then She Lost The Job Before It Started
If you’re asking yourself who the hell is Addison Rae besides a name that sounds like a long-delayed sequel to Norma Rae after she developed adrenal issues but remained as plucky as ever, here’s what I was able to glean from my many hours of assiduous and prizewinning research into the matter (a hasty, caffeinated scroll through her miles of dead-eyed selfies on IG and TikTok): She is a 20-year-old “influencer” with 80+ million followers; has a faux-gayelle BFF thing going on with 42-year-old Kourtney Kardashian; was previously dragged for stealing dance moves from Black creators and not crediting them when clumsily thrusting her rhythmless ass for Jimmy Fallon; released a single of a forgettable song, Obsessed; and will probably be starring in an upcoming movie even though she has zero acting experience.
So now we’re all caught up, and it’s a case of TL;DR, Addison Rae lands opportunities for things she didn’t earn and takes credit for shit she didn’t create. And in this fine tradition of shameless purloining, the hateful bitch troll the rest of us all know as fate is whisking her off to her next unearned gig as a reporter for the bastion of classiness that is UFC. Or is it, given the latest update to this mess that I just found?
Open Post: Hosted By The Golf Club Theft At The Scottish Open That Made Golf Slightly Less Boring
Golf is typically some busted lullaby shit to have on as background noise via YouTube when it’s 3:26 a.m. and you’re wide awake eating cold, leftover Mapo tofu while panicking over having to give a video presentation on no sleep at 5:30 a.m. to your colleagues in Minsk. The only time golf has ever been remotely interesting in the past is because of Tiger Woods being a hot mess in his personal life and not because the game itself can hold anyone’s attention span worth a damn.
Today, all of that has changed, because a bizarrely brazen golf fan (none of those words belong together, ever) has turned the dull AF sport on its head by inserting the snappy element of thievery into the mix when he helped himself, in front of God and zillions of witnesses, to one of player Rory McIlroy‘s golf clubs at the Scottish Open on Friday. Step aside, Tiger’s dumpster fire of a personal life, because there’s a new golf scandal in town!
Meghan McCain Is Milking The Hell Out Of The Attention For Quitting “The View”
It’s hard to believe Meghan McCain is only 36, because I’m positive we’ve all aged at least that many years since having to hear about this shrieking nepo-shrew whipping out the ghost of her father, John McCain, 85 times per episode of The View, as her tortured hair follicles silently scream for mercy because they don’t have a safe word. But all that is coming to an end very soon, because earlier this month, we learned that Meghan is packing up her bag of petty cuntery with co-workers, especially Joy Behar, and is leaving The View after four seasons. And since this is Meghan McCain we’re talking about, she’s obviously not going to go away quietly. People tells us that Meghan has responded to the gossip about her exit and is now packaging it as a bold, risk-taking adventure as only she and her particular brand of lib-loathing can embark upon.