Not that it comes as a surprise but TMZ reports that Kim Kardashian will be getting the haunted mausoleum in the divorce. Even though her soon-to-be ex-husband Kanye West designed the Hidden Hills mansion, Kim’s going to keep living there for the sake of the kids. Because as everyone knows, kids fucking love stark, hollow monuments to capitalism where the floors and walls are so fragile they’re apt to crumble to dust if you look at them with too much vigor let alone touch them with peanut butter & jelly fingers.
According to TMZ:
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are giving their children some much-needed stability during their divorce … they’re keeping their 4 kids in the only home they’ve ever known.
Sources close to the former couple tell TMZ … the plan is for Kim to get the family home in Hidden Hills as part of the divorce.
It’s an interesting decision for several reasons. Kanye designed the home … it’s pretty spectacular though very austere — almost museum-like. You might think Kanye would want to keep the home since it’s a multi-year passion project of his, but the fact is Kanye doesn’t have any real ties to that area. On the other hand, most of Kim’s family live within a block of her in the same community, and family is important to the kids in the middle of the divorce.
We’re also told Kim really likes the house, so it’s not like she wants to pick up stakes and move.
I’m really happy about this. It’s unlikely they’d be able to find a buyer for a unique property such as this, at least not one who would be willing to preserve the sanctity of the urine garden (the Hidden Hills one is in a closet). And I’d miss it if we never got to see it again. I’m sure there are still so many surprises Kim has yet to reveal. For instance, I think this is the first time we’ve seen the pyre in which Kim burns all her gently used Skims micro-throngs.
How wonderful that the kids will be able to stay in the home that holds so many cherished family memories. Like the time Uncle Kenny came over with his saxophone or the time the bathroom sink was possessed by an angry demigod and blood started spraying out of the toilets! TMZ adds that “it’s unclear where Kanye will take up his permanent residence” but most likely he’ll stay at his Wyoming ranch since he’s already turned it into the headquarters for Yeezy Clown Shoes International. It’s also been reported that even though they have come to a joint custody agreement, “Kim’s expected to continue caring for the children the lion’s share of the time” which I guess means that Dave Chappelle is expected to continue caring for Kanye when the kids are with Kim.
Up next, who gets to keep Jared Kushner and the glass butt-plug collection?