The Duchesses Went To Wimbledon, And Didn’t Scratch Each Other’s Faces Off Or Send A Pic Taker To The Gallows

July 13, 2019 / Posted by:

When Duchess Meghan went to Wimbledon last week, it turned into an international ESCANDALO where it became clear she’s the greatest threat to the British empire since (insert whoever was the greatest threat to the British empire because I definitely passed out in world history class during that part). Meghan was called a nightmare who sicced her security after any uncouth peasant who dared to take her picture at a public event, and caused the corneas of the upper-class to burn from the sight of her low-class peon rags (aka jeans).

You would think that all the courts at Wimbledon would’ve crumbled from the unforgivable crime of Meghan wearing jeans, but they didn’t. And at the Ladies Final at Wimbledon today, Meghan showed up with Duchess Kate and Third Wheel Pippa. They sat in the Royal Box in front of Martina Navratilova and an unamused memaw in a polka dress who is obviously thinking, “How dare that Kate show up in the dress I like to wear at Christmas dinner each year.

Meghan’s friend Serena Williams played Simona Halep in the finals, and Simona beat Serena in less than an hour, which cost Serena her eighth Wimbledon win and got Simona her first Wimbledon win (a Wim win, if you will). But who cares about that duel on the court anyway! Everybody obviously cares more about the other duel: THE DUELING DUCHESSES!

For their encore appearance from last year’s Wimbledon, Kate wore a $2,700 Christmastime memaw dress by D&G while Meghan decided not to cause heart attacks by wearing jeans again, and instead probably caused minor heart attacks by wearing non-matching whites! And Pippa outdid both of their asses by wearing a snobby toddler dress made from the fabric of an armchair in someone’s grandma’s nice living room.

Both Kate and Meghan’s Instagram pages posted pictures of them looking oh-so-happy:

And here’s their laughs and smiles in motion:

Expect The Daily Mail to hire a smile and laughing expert who will spend hours upon hours scouring all the pics and videos at Wimbledon today, and the expert will conclude that they’re both obviously putting on a manufactured mask of happiness while thinking, “Fuck, I cannot stand this puta.”

Pic: AP


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