Yolanda Foster Isn’t Getting Spousal Support From David Foster

Last December, the lemons of Malibu rotted before falling off of their tree branches after it was announced that the marriage between their queen Yolanda Foster and her king David Foster died like my last remaining brain cells whenever I watch all 3 parts of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion back-to-back. Around that time, some pointed out that the extremely reliable and 100% accurate Celebrity Net Worth claims that Yolanda’s fortune is worth $45 million compared to David’s which is worth $30 million. But when Yolo filed divorce papers, she’s the one who asked for a monthly spousal support check and OK! claimed she wanted $100,000 a month. Nobody said that getting weekly colonics, cryogenics and all the other Goop-approved shit she gets comes cheap.

TMZ says that Yolanda and David’s divorce is now settled, and he’s not going to drop a stack of money into her bank account every single month. Yolanda and David signed a prenup when they got married in 2011. The prenup states that Yolanda will not get a monthly spousal support check, but she will get a lump sum. One source says that David has set Yolanda up and has been very “generous,” but she’s not getting enough money to retire from doing whatever it is she does.

Let’s be clear: Yolanda isn’t getting enough money to retire the Yolanda way. But I’m sure she’s getting enough money to retire the-rest-of-us way. Because all I need to retire is a place with a roof, cable (all the channels), internet and enough money for In-N-Out, weed, booze and the occasional visit to The Old Spaghetti Factory. And it’s nice that David is being so generous, but I hope he’s not being too generous, because he’s going to need money for wife #5, wife #6, wife #7, and so on…

And here’s Yolanda’s daughter Bella Hadid giving us 90s groupie glamour while leaving The Nice Guy last night:

Pics: Splash

Random Has Burped Up A New Couple

Selma Blair plays Pimp Mama Kris in American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson. Pimp Mama Kris’ daughter Kendull Jenner is friends with fellow model Gigi Hadid whose mom is Yolanda Hadid (formerly Foster) who has separated from David Foster who is now apparently bumping wet parts with Selma Blair. I know that in Hollywood there’s six degrees of separation between all of the genitals of famous tricks, but Selma Blair and David Foster? Linda Blair and Jodie Foster would be less of a random couple than Selma Blair and David Foster.

David is a brand new single bitch after he and Yolanda announced in December that they’re over. Selma has pretty much been single since breaking up with the father of her 4-year-old son in 2012.

UsWeekly says that David and Selma were definitely on a date when they had dinner at Craig’s in West Hollywood last week. Again, it was DEFINITELY a date.

The meeting between the actress and estranged husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Yolanda Foster wasn’t just friends grabbing food; it was indeed a romantic date, a source confirms to Us Weekly.

“It was definitely a date!” a source tells Us of Blair, 43, and Foster, 66, taking in some alone time at the upscale West Hollywood eatery.

How does this “source” know that it was definitely a date? Did they bone on the table while waiting for their salads to come? Or did they push at their food while making awkward small talk about their dogs before Selma “forgot” she had the flu and ran off while promising she’ll call (when she knows she won’t). That’s how all of my dates go, anyway. Maybe it wasn’t a date at all. Maybe it was a business meeting. David could be producing a Lifetime movie based on his time with Yolanda called Lemons & Lyme: My Life With Yolo. And he wants Selma to play Yolanda since she was so good at playing that other privileged mess.

But I’m sure the “source” (read: an UsWeekly intern) knows it was definitely a date because Selma’s publicist told them so.

Here’s Selma giving you Studio 54 reject glamour at Chateau Marmont a couple of weeks ago.

Pics: Splash

All Of The Important People In The World Were At The Adele Concert Last Night

Everyone who you’re not and never will be was at the Adele show in LA last night. Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, and John Mayer were among the crowd screaming like the final girl in a horror movie when Adele went “Hello…”.

Here’s some slightly blurry and sort of far-away shots of the various celebrities entering and/or exiting the theater. Let’s see, there’s Katy Perry’s ass arriving. As you will note in those particular shots, I type that literally. Later on, you get to see her and Orlando Bloom exiting out of the VIP fire escape. Katy’s coat is giving me an uncomfortable feeling because it bears an eerie resemblance to my apricot-colored teacup poodle. For serious, his fur is the exact shade and consistency as that piece of apparel. He’s still here and not skinned. I checked. The last thing I need is some pop skeeve with breasts that shoot non-lactate substances breaking into my home and de-furring my dog.

There’s Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone exiting the side door as well. Joy seems to be trying to assist Ms. Stone in navigating those stairs. Drunks! But who doesn’t get shittoed at concerts? It should be noted that someone at the Wiltern obviously hates celebs. Making tricks who can afford the really quality booze and drugs exit down a really high staircase post-concert is asking for ambulances. I’m not judging!

According to TMZ, John Mayer was in attendance with a new lucky lady who’s hopefully had all of her shots. I hope there was some weirdness between him and Katy and Legolas. Legolas is the kind of douche who will slap at another douche so perhaps their celebrity skyboxes got crossed somehow and there was friction.

In lower-tier famous news, David Foster and Gayle King (see below) were on the premises. Wait, are they dating? Does that Lyme-disease claimin’ Yolanda Foster chick know that her ex is stepping out with Oprah’s lady? Shit, does Oprah know? Gayle better proceed with caution. Or the next president she’ll be interviewing will be at the Career Center because O will consign her to the curb.

Check out more pics of Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, David Foster, and Gayle King in the gallery.

Pics: Splash

Yolanda Foster Is Apparently Saying She Doesn’t Have Any Lyme Disease Symptoms

At least according to Radar, she is. So if Yolanda Foster’s Lyme disease doctor is reading this and wondering if his most famous patient has been stepping out on them with another Lyme disease doctor (“That’s cold, Yoyo“) who stamped the words A-OK on her file, well – just know there’s a chance it’s a Lyme-dipped exaggeration. But for now, Radar is passing along the message that Yolanda has apparently been telling people her relationship with Lyme disease is about as active as her marriage to David Foster. Aka, she’s not dealing with it right now.

An insider claims that Yolanda has let Andy Cohen know (okay, so the insider is Andy on an untraceable pay-as-you-go flip phone, right?) that he can count her in for the upcoming Real (Except In The Face) Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Last year, Yolanda could only work the reunion show for less than an hour because her Lyme disease was being a dick. But she feels like she’s close to a full recovery this year, and has been shouting it from the rooftops. Or the roof of a $59-a-night Red Roof Inn junior suite, if those rumors about her busted bank account balance are to be believed.

The source adds that Yolanda really wants to sit through the torture of a RHoBH reunion show to prove to all the tricks that were side-eyeing her illness that yes, she actually has Lyme disease, but she’s well enough now to lay their asses out and verbally whoop a trick for suggesting she might be faking it. Since her soon-to-be ex-husband won’t be there, maybe she’ll bring the nurse that takes her needle selfies (copyright: Taylor Armstrong). You know, for moral support. But also to cheer her on when she goes after the first person who demands she show them the Lyme disease receipts. “Get her, Yoyo! Wipe that chemically-frozen look off her face!”

Pic: Splash