Category: OctoMom

Nadya “Octomom” Suleman’s Octuplets Celebrated Their 14th Birthday

January 27, 2023 / Posted by:

If you woke up feeling fresh, renewed, and youthful this Friday morning, I’m sorry to issue this reminder that we’re all pretty much elderly and hurtling toward rapid decay. 2009 was a much simpler time. We were introduced to the subculture of strange hair and tackiness when Jersey Shore premiered, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s MTV VMA award acceptance speech, and we looked on in horror as Nadya Suleman emerged as Octomom when she gave birth to octuplets through shady fertility means. But as time moved forward, our guidette bumps deflated, Kanye became immeasurably more of an asshole, and Nadya recently posted on Instagram that her octuplets just turned 14 and look like they’re thriving, despite some people expecting the worst (see: allegations of welfare fraud and past CPS visits).

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OctoMom’s Octuplets Turned 11

January 29, 2020 / Posted by:

Sigh, I miss the early aughts. There wasn’t all this streaming and YouTube crap, so if you were a train wreck, Hollywood producers would fast track your ass to 13 episodes of just about anything on TLC or MTV! Nadya Suleman (DON’T CALL HER OCTOMOM!) got her doctor to stuff her full of embryos (he later had his license revoked because duh), and she gave birth to octuplets in 2009, bringing Nadya’s child count to 14. While Nadya never got to “Jon And Kate Plus 8″-level on TV, she seemed to be the go-to guest for trashy daytime TV. We can say all sorts of things given what a mess it was in the early years, but let’s start with the happy: The octuplets, seen above in 2010, just turned 11!

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Octomom Says Not To Call Her That Anymore

December 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Octomom is dead and Nadya Suleman killed her. RIP to that crazy, drug addicted, welfare cheat who stripped and fapped her way to a buck with which to feed her 14 children. She’s not playing that character anymore. Say goodbye to that train wreck, and meet Nadya, a raw vegan exercise addict who’s writing a book that she hopes will set the record straight. Somehow, Nadya got the New York Times to do a profile on her where she claims she was “the classic victim” of the media who created the Octomom “caricature”, and of a shady doctor who tricked her into carrying 8 babies at once. What, did you think it was all because she was off her rocker? Shame on you!

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OctoMom Is Being Charged With Welfare Fraud

January 13, 2014 / Posted by:

In case you need a break from Golden Globes shit but not from abject fuckery, TMZ is reporting that OctoMom Nadya Suleman is being charged with three counts of felony welfare fraud and is facing five years in prison if convicted. Back in March 2013, someone supposedly tipped off authorities that Nadya was collecting welfare even though she made over $200,000. Now she’s being accused of failing to report over $30,000 in income from the first half of 2013, including residuals from her self-love diddle video. The judge is setting bail at $25,000.

The L.A. County District Attorney’s Office filed the charges, including 1 count of aid by misrepresentation, and 2 counts of perjury by false application for aid.

This bitch has already been accused of hating her kids, filing for bankruptcy, trying every filthy way she could think of to make a buck and has gone to rehab. The only thing that’s left is for her to pick 14 corners- one for each of her kids- and sit their asses down with For Sale signs around their necks. No offers less than $1,800 apiece or mama won’t be able to make bail! With that crazy ass as their mother, I’m pretty sure they’ve probably already tried to sell themselves on the black market just to get away from her.

(Pic: Splash)

OctoMom As Angelina Jolie

April 10, 2013 / Posted by:

OctoMom’s local marijuana dispensary must’ve raised their prices, because bitch is hustling hard (not really) for another quick check and her hustle game led her to posing as Oscar Angie and Tomb Raider Angie for InTouch Weekly. InTouch would’ve totally nailed this Octo as Angie photo shoot (not really, the sequel) if they Photoshopped Angie’s bulging vein of doom onto Octo’s endless forehead and replaced the deadness in Octo’s eyes with a twinkle that says, “Bring me your ripest virgin.

Because you care, InTouch asked Octo what she does on a daily basis and she lied and said “a lot!” instead of saying “drink myself into a coma in the utility closet.”

“I do a lot! I’m a cook, a chauffeur and a nanny! [I spend] a couple hundred dollars a week on groceries. I do several loads [of laundry] every day — there’s always clothes in my washer.”

Your mind is throbbing from how fascinating this is, I know. And what does Octo think about Angie?

“I admire her. She saves children’s lives. I get that we both have a lot of kids, but I don’t think I look anything like her.”

Octo isn’t giving herself enough credit. If you took Angie and filled her with helium, more craziness and desperation, she’d look just like Octo. And yes, Angie saves children’s lives, I guess, but when is she going to save the lives of the OctoKids? Because I’m sure that while Octo was talking to InTouch, a few of the OctoKids were hitchhiking back home after she accidentally left them in the grocery store parking lot.

OctoMom Might’ve Committed Welfare Fraud

March 20, 2013 / Posted by:

Somebody just keeps screwing with OctoMom’s life, because when authorities aren’t investigating her for being a drunken wreck who loses her kids, she’s being investigated for cheating taxpayers out of money. TMZ says that somebody tipped off the authorities about Octo’s shady ways. They told officials at the L.A. County Dept. of Welfare Fraud Prevention and Investigation that Octo is collecting welfare even though she’s not eligible since she made $200,000 last year.

The fame whore business is obviously the business to be in, because Octo allegedly made all that money from banging herself in the most tragic fap porn ever, stripping, making appearances and whoring her child army out. Before she was making all that money, Octo went on welfare to help her to put food in the mouths of all 14 of her kids. Since Octo has 15 mouths to feed including her own, she’s eligible for public assistance if she makes less than $119,000 a year. If the person who snitched her out is telling the truth, then she’s way over the limit and is breaking laws.

Investigators have launched an investigation and have already talked to people around Octo. If they find out that she did commit welfare fraud and she’s convicted of it, she could get up to 3 years in the clink.

$200,000 is a lot of coins, but it’s not a lot of coins when you have to take care of 14 screaming kids who are constantly screaming at you to put food in their stomach bags. If I lived in one house with that many children, I would spend every cent of that $200,000 on booze, weed and black market anti-depressants. I know this crazy bitch did to herself, but damn.

What Octo needs to do is rent out her child army. If you know someone who is having unprotected sex and isn’t ready to be a parent, pay Octo $200 to let them live with her child army for one day. It’ll be like Planned Parenthood’s answer to Scared Straight. Their baby making parts will be scared into never wanting to produce a human ever. Octo will make a quick $200, she won’t have to pay a babysitter, she can stop abusing the welfare system and that person you know who isn’t ready to be a parent will never have sex again! It’s a win/win for everyone.

Or Octo can just admit that she committed welfare fraud and gladly go to prison where she can smoke contraband weed and inject dish soap into her lips.

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