Category: Oh It’s You Again

Jesse James Says The Saddest Part About His Divorce From Sandra Bullock Was Losing His Son

September 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Jesse James, the answer directly under All About Steve in the category of “Things I wish I hadn’t done” on the Family Feud board of Sandra Bullock’s life, is still talking about Sandra Bullock. Congratulations on your continued relevancy, Jesse James!

Sandy’s dirtbag ex-husband recently appeared on In Depth with Graham Bensinger (via UsWeekly) and talked about that time he killed his five-year marriage to Sandra Bullock by slipping his exhaust pipe to a bunch of side pieces. Yes, that shit happened back in 2010, and yes, he still has feelings about it. Specifically, regarding how Sandy and “Hollywood Law” took his adopted son away from him.

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Kaley Cuoco Wants You To Know That Stuff She Said About Feminism In Redbook Was Taken Out Of Context

January 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Oh, here we go. It’s only the second day of 2015, and already a famous type is back-pedaling on comments they made in 2014. Earlier this week, an interview between busted butter-haired Big Bang Theory billionaire Kaley Cuoco and Redbook sort of made the eyebrows of the internet raise up in a “you want me to grab you a dictionary?” way when she answered the question of whether or not she consider herself a feminist by saying, no, she’s not, because she likes cooking dinner for her husband. Well, I guess she was tired of people sending her Why Not Both memes, because yesterday she took to Instagram to clarify that what she said about feminism wasn’t actually what she said:

kaley cuoco instagram

Meanwhile, all the ladies in sensible shoes at Redbook just added the name KALEY CUOCO to their Two-Faced Skanks Who Done Did Redbook Dirty list. Nobody throws Redbook under the bus! “I don’t care if she does have a flattering hair cut – she’ll never describe her favorite way to unwind after a long day in Redbook again! Let Women’s World have her.”

And I’m still not sure what Kaley is trying to say, but I’m glad she did it this time without using lyrics from a Taylor Swift song. My brain thanks you, Kaley!

Pic: Instagram

Sam Lutfi Really Wants You To Know That Courtney Love Doesn’t Think He’s A Shady Asshole

October 18, 2014 / Posted by:

In an attempt to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to his grime-covered reputation as Hollywood’s recurring plantar wart, Sam Lutfi – the sleazy barnacle who spent most of 2007 permanently stuck to the back of Britney Spears and most recently the tricky ho responsible for getting Amanda Bynes checked into a mental health facility– wrote a piece for xoJane.com on Friday titled “It Happened To Me: I’m Sam Lutfi and I’m Trying to Help Amanda Bynes.” I guess Sam was sick of everyone playing negative word association games with his name (the most common being NO! and STAY AWAY!) and throwing him some epic side-eye regarding his involvement with Amanda Bynes, so he sat down and wrote an open letter to the haters who think he’s nothing more than a disaster-chasing opportunistic fame humper. According to Sam Lutfi, Sam Lutfi is a modern-day Mother Teresa for wayward starlets!

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In “What Does Mayim Bialik Hate Now” News: Mayim Bialik Also Hates Frozen

September 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Mayim Bialik, the grown-up hat-less version of Blossom, took a break from hissing at toddler-faced jailbait-looking baby stripper Ariana Grande Latte to put some damn clothes on to take a swipe at Disney’s Frozen. But what could Blossom possibly hate about Frozen? Well, besides hearing “Let It Go” for the 4,97,246th time. Am I forgetting a scene where Elsa ditches her dress for a pair of hot pants and some hooker heels and grinds against Olaf’s carrot?

No. Apparently Blossom hates Frozen because there wasn’t enough of a Feminism message, but also there was too much male-bashing. Blossom explained on Kveller (via UsWeekly) that she HATED Frozen with the fire of a thousand burning Blossom hats for three reasons:

1. She hated that Elsa’s sister Anna’s identity was tied up in trying to land a man

2. She hated that Prince Hans turns out the be a lie-telling double-crossing scheming asshole, thus teaching little girls not to trust men

3. She hated that Elsa and Anna looked like dolls

Damn, she got all that from a children’s movie about a chick who makes snow with her hands? I guess that’s why she has a PhD and I have a fake diploma printed on the back of a menu from a college-themed restaurant called Pasta Academy (I majored in deliciousness with a minor in all-you-can-eat breadsticks).

I sort of get what she’s saying. Yes, Elsa and Anna look like they were conceived during a messy night at the Mattel factory between a skinny piece of plastic and a giant eye, and yes, Anna wants a ring on her goddamn finger ASAP so she can live happily ever after. But that’s because this is a Disney movie! Complaining about that is like walking into John Travolta’s wiglet closet (it’s a big closet) and getting pissed that it’s filled with fake hair.

But was it really male-bashing to make Prince Hans an asshole? Aren’t most Princes massive pricks? (“HOW DARE YOU” – Michael K, clutching a framed picture of Prince Hot Ginge).

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Chris Brown Pleads Guilty To Whooping A Trick In DC And Gets Two Days In Jail

September 2, 2014 / Posted by:

There must have been a full moon or something, because this is the second story about a dum-dum dick dripping who spent their Labor Day weekend dealing with an assault charge.

TMZ says that Chris Brown, the human equivalent to getting diarrhea at the mall and the only toilet paper they have is that 1-ply tissue paper bullshit, appeared in a Washington D.C. courtroom on Tuesday morning to accept a plea deal in the assault case that was born when Chris Brown tried to whoop a trick Chris Brown-style outside a W Hotel in Washington last October. Breezy told the judge that he wants to go on tour and spread his message of crappy music across the land, like a shitty Johnny Appleseed, and that he’s so sowwy and just wants to put this all behind him, so he plead guilty and accepted a misdemeanor assault charge. Continue reading

Oh, It’s Just Beyoncé Reminding Us She’s Still In Love With Her Husband For The 3,284,516th Time

August 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Oh my god, here we go again: another totally subtle Instagram picture from the stunt queen of damage control, Beyoncé. YES, AGAIN. I swear to god, I legit expect to turn on my alarm clock and hear “I Got You Babe” or run into Stephen Tobolowsky, because this “Divorce? What divorce? Wink!” shit is starting to feel like a goddamn sequel to Groundhog Day. Except there’s no Bill Murray, no pie, and the only furry creature is the one attached to a lacefront glued securely to Bey’s forehead (and as far as I know, it can’t predict the weather).

Because it’s a day that ends in Y, the extremely private Beyoncé posted this completely spontaneous picture of herself wearing only a jersey with her husband’s last name on the back and the number 4, which is the Illuminati number for all things Bey-Z: Bey’s birthday (09/04), Jay-Z’s birthday (12/04), their wedding anniversary (04/04), and the number of times a day Beyoncé has to tell Solange to get back in the basement. Rather than stick with tradition and caption the picture something totally cheesy, like “This booty is 4 Carter” or some shit, she simply captioned it with an emoji of a kiss (I guess because an emoji of a tired publicity stunt hasn’t been invented yet).

At this point Beyoncé is trolling us, right? She has to be. There’s no way she honestly believes that this charade is working. I think it’s less about convincing us she’s still weave-over-heels in love with Jay-Z and more like an elaborate hoax. Beyoncé IS Andy Kaufman! Beyoncé will follow up this picture with the release of a remix to “Drunk in Love” called “Jay Flavored Kisses”, followed by a picture of her at a tattoo parlour getting the words “4 (GET IT??) EVER” written on her neck, then Instagram a selfie at City Hall to show that she’s legally changed her name from Beyoncé Knowles-Carter to Cartér Knowles-Carter. I see you, Beyoncé!

Pic: Instagram

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