Every day, Justin Bieber wakes up, remembers he’s Justin Bieber (already a rough start to the day), eats breakfast (Corn Pops with extra sugar if no adults are looking lol), then he…I don’t know, looks at himself in the mirror until someone yells “Showtime, Bieber!” I guess. And then that’s when his day really gets tough. Prancing and singing for an audience of thousands, only to be given millions of dollars in return? I just don’t know how he does it.
Justin was clearly exhausted from doing that, and he bailed on the remainder of his Purpose World Tour. It sounds like he’s replacing his tour with a couch and a nap.
Katy Perry recently spent many hours doing a live-stream of her life in a Big Brother-style house, and one of the things she did while she was in there was rank the sex skills of her last three boyfriends. Katy put John Mayer in the number-one spot. Diplo, who took third place, was quick to join in and joke about Katy’s sex discussion. John Mayer isn’t.
Taylor Swift took the attention away from Katy Perry on the day that her album Witness dropped. But Katy managed to steal back a shred of attention from her (now former?) nemesis, and all it took was a conversation about famous dick during the 72-hour livestream of her life.
Katy Perry said goodbye to John Mayer more than a year ago. Since then, John has been rumored to have tried to get with Demi Lovato, but nothing serious. Last month John Mayer released a song called Still Feel Like Your Man. As you can hear below, it sounds like the biggest hit from a royalty-free Maroon 5 knock-off called Burgundy 6. But that’s not what we’re focusing on here.
But before Heigl learned that she may have another flop on her hands, she pushed Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Heigl and her husband, Josh Kelley, have been married for almost ten years and James Corden said that he heard (through her publicist, probably) that John Mayer had something to do with their love sprouting like a rash you get after fucking John Mayer.
If you have a cat, you may have been wondering why your pussy spent a piece of yesterday bowing down to the broomstick you keep in the corner in your kitchen. That was your cat’s way of paying homage to the American Cat Lady Queen and yodeling broomstick Taylor Swift on the 27th anniversary of her birth.
Taylor turned 27 yesterday and while her squad covered her with air kisses on social media (because they’re contractually obligated to) and companies like Rent-A-Famous-Boyfriend gave thanks to the existence of their most loyal client, her ex-piece John Mayer probably shit on her. And according to blind items, not in the way he usually likes to shit on a chick.