Taylor Swift took the attention away from Katy Perry on the day that her album Witness dropped. But Katy managed to steal back a shred of attention from her (now former?) nemesis, and all it took was a conversation about famous dick during the 72-hour livestream of her life.
Katy Perry said goodbye to John Mayer more than a year ago. Since then, John has been rumored to have tried to get with Demi Lovato, but nothing serious. Last month John Mayer released a song called Still Feel Like Your Man. As you can hear below, it sounds like the biggest hit from a royalty-free Maroon 5 knock-off called Burgundy 6. But that’s not what we’re focusing on here.
But before Heigl learned that she may have another flop on her hands, she pushed Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Heigl and her husband, Josh Kelley, have been married for almost ten years and James Corden said that he heard (through her publicist, probably) that John Mayer had something to do with their love sprouting like a rash you get after fucking John Mayer.
If you have a cat, you may have been wondering why your pussy spent a piece of yesterday bowing down to the broomstick you keep in the corner in your kitchen. That was your cat’s way of paying homage to the American Cat Lady Queen and yodeling broomstick Taylor Swift on the 27th anniversary of her birth.
Taylor turned 27 yesterday and while her squad covered her with air kisses on social media (because they’re contractually obligated to) and companies like Rent-A-Famous-Boyfriend gave thanks to the existence of their most loyal client, her ex-piece John Mayer probably shit on her. And according to blind items, not in the way he usually likes to shit on a chick.
On Sunday night, Drake celebrated his 30th birthday at a club in Los Angeles and he invited a bunch of his famous friends. Drake blew out the candles on his Raptor cake with people like French Montana, Jamie Foxx, John Mayer, Taylor Swift, Karlie Kloss, the Haim sisters and Katy Perry. Clearly Drake was nostalgic for the years he spent on Degrassi, because Page Six says John, Katy, and Taylor brought some high school drama with them.
John Mayer either whispered something semi-romantic like, “Tell your pharmacy to get the Valtrex ready because I’m going to fuck the herp into that puss tonight,” or something really romantic like, “My David Duke cock wants to fuck the Mexican out of that multi-racial puss.”
Demi Lovato’s coochie may have missed the steady diet of douche dick she got before breaking up with Wilmer Valderrama, because UsWeekly thinks that maybe she’s moved on to John Mayer. John and Demi showed up separately to a restaurant called Catch (John Mayer at a restauranted called Catch = TOO EASY) in L.A. on Saturday night, but once they both got inside, they sat next to each other and he supposedly blew a sweet Summer’s Eve breeze into her ear while wrapping his arm around her.