Quick! Someone put an APB out on Alexis Neiers, because it looks like The Bling Ring is back in action! Well, either The Bling Ring Redux or some other boring regular old house robbers are back in action, because John Mayer has had his house burgled, and they’ve mostly taken his fancy watch collection.
Does a John Mayer-issued mockery of Justin Bieber actually cancel itself out before it can even reach Bieber because they’re both douchey? Or is the burn more potent because when even fellow douches are shading you…? “Runaways at the train station”-looking couple Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin celebrated their recent engagement by posting a photo of themselves making out in a hot tub. John figured that the photographer of this pic would have had to actually BE in the hot tub with these two, and called the two of them out on it.
Page Six has an interview with an unnamed Hollywood publicist who says that his one piece of advice to female clients is to avoid John Mayer’s dick! Avoid it like the plague! Avoid it like you’re Jennifer Lawrence! Actually, this advice it probably null and void now because it’s not like starlets can get to Mayer’s dick when Andy Cohen is probably already on it!
While it might seem like Andy Cohen is the tip of a hag love triangle that is bottomed (teehee) by Kelly Ripa and Sarah Jessica Parker, he also always seems to have a special spot on his BFF shelf for John Mayer. Those two are so close that they go to gay bars and sometimes confuse people into thinking they are dating. But don’t you come to any conclusions, silly fans! Just because John Mayer sings to Andy for his birthday, and just because John Mayer is his go-to call buddy, and just because John Mayer is a ride-or-die friend, that doesn’t mean Andy would ever date John Mayer. Continue reading
It wasn’t THAT long ago when John Mayer was just as much of a must-have accessory to blonde starlets as Chihuahuas and afternoon shopping trips to Fred Segal. But maybe it was Taylor Swift writing a song about him being a shitty boyfriend – eh, no, it wasn’t that. It was probably that after Taylor, he amassed a phonebook’s worth of women he was a shitty boyfriend to or, in the case of Jessica Simpson, described as sexual napalm after they broke up. So when John showed up to host a special edition of Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live for the host’s 50th birthday, he brought up how Andy’s friends like Jennifer Lawrence take a page from the southerner’s playbook in how to act toward him: love your hair, hate your guts! Continue reading
If you were to guess what sort of emergency situation might put John Mayer into the hospital, you might say it could have something to do with accidentally drinking a bottle of cologne, or a strong burning sensation during urination. But this time, John’s appendix pulled a fast one on him, and he was forced into emergency surgery.
A rep for John tells TMZ that he was rushed to the hospital early this morning in New Orleans. He underwent appendectomy surgery. John is currently on tour with Dead & Company. They had a show scheduled tonight in New Orleans.
Dead & Company released a statement concerning John’s sudden exit, saying that the show planned for this evening is postponed and that people can get a refund if they want to. But they didn’t say how John is doing. Or whether they sent something nice to the hospital on behalf of the band. Like a stuffed Grateful Dead bear wrapped in a tie-dye scarf that says “Get Groovy Soon, Man.” Although Dead & Company founder Bob Weir did wish John a speedy recovery.
Wishing a speedy recovery for John… Get well soon my friend. pic.twitter.com/FGYHC8hdCS
— Bob Weir (@BobWeir) December 5, 2017
Waking up in the middle of the night to the kind of awful pains that land you in the ER is no joke. It’s such a shitty situation. You’re confused and scared, and nothing the doctor says makes any sense. I can only imagine how terrified a half-asleep John Mayer was when he heard they were going to have to remove his appendix. “Oh god, not my dick!!! Anything but that! I use that organ the most! Wait – did you say appendix? Phew. That’s still bad, but…not as bad.”