There’s been a lot of talk about how Emma Watson turned down the Emma Stone role in La La Land to do the live-action Beauty and the Beast. Emma said that scheduling conflicts kept her from doing La La Land, but now we know the real reason why she didn’t do it. If Ryan Gosling’s character was a buff buffalo who got lipstick dick every time he danced close to her, she’d definitely be the one wearing the yellow dress and singing that City of Stars shit.
Emma Watson was in the March issue of Vanity Fair to promote Beauty and the Beast, and of course her interview was accompanied by a fancy fashion shoot. There was one shot where Emma posed wearing a strategically-placed rope cape that showed some of her boobs, and it didn’t take long for people to wonder out loud whether it was hypocritical for a very vocal feminist to be posing tits-out. Emma has a response for those people.
Famous people are different from us normal people in about a million ways, but one of the biggest ones is that strangers are almost always taking their picture. The last time I caught a stranger trying to take a picture of me, it was because I had taken the bread off my Egg McMuffin and replaced it with two hashbrowns, and I guess they just wanted a picture to remember that genius move for their next breakfast (at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself). But famous people just have to be famous for a stranger to approach them for a picture. And if you’ve ever wanted a selfie with Emma Watson, you’re not going to get one, because she doesn’t participate in that anymore.
Over a week ago, I posted the first official pictures from that ~problematic~ bestiality tale of a captured nerd girl who must’ve done a lot of hard drugs, because she talks to clocks and shit and wet dreams about covering her lips (and not the ones on her face) with the lipstick belonging to her captor, a mean dog beast. (Beauty and the Beast is like a clean version of every NSFW subreddit.) And today, Disney pooped out the first official trailer, and well, this thing makes those first official pictures look like they’re full of life and charisma. This trailer has a resting heart rate of zero and is as lackluster as this dry stale English Muffin I’m chewing on (I’m out of butter).
From that perspective, the enchanted rose looks like a magical feather duster. The other Mr. Harvey is a HUGE Disney stan. So, the other night, I was sort of forced to watch the extras on the Beauty and the Beast 25th Anniversary Edition. There was this whole bit where composer Alan Menken, the Hamilton dude, and the married couple responsible for Frozen did everything but lose their clothes and orgy it down in a celebration of one another’s genius. I love animated musicals as much as the next jaded gay (translation: “somewhat“), but grips needed to be gotten! My point is that people LURVE them some Beauty and the Beast. One of the other extras was a sneak preview of the live-action BATB flick starring Emma Watson and Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens. It’s coming out in March of 2017 and the first pics have appeared on Stitch Kingdom (by way of io9). It looks like they’re adhering pretty closely to the cartoon.
I’ll gasp and clutch my chest as soon as I find out what the hell the Panama Papers is.
The Panama Papers aren’t what you used to roll that joint last night, and it’s also not the name of a calypso-electro band based out of Brooklyn. The Panama Papers are millions of leaked documents that details the hundreds of thousands of offshore accounts created by the Panama City-based law firm Mossack Fonseca. Many of the offshore shell companies were created by THEE ELITE to avoid paying taxes. Some kind soul created a Panama Papers guide for dummies video, and you can watch it here if you want to. Personally, I’m waiting for Ryan Murphy to develop an 8-episode FX miniseries about the Panama Papers starring Jessica Lange and John Travolta. That’s when I’ll really understand it.
Several famous names, like Simon Cowell and Heather Mills, have come up in the leak, and yesterday, it was reported that Emma Watson’s name comes up in the searchable database. Emma is the beneficiary of a company based in the British Virgins Island. A rep for the feminist idol and goodwill ambassador admits that she set up the company, but denies that she did it for tax-evading reasons. And a million “Hermione Granger and the Panamanian Chamber of Tax Secrets” jokes were born.