This was the first year that the MTV Movie & TV Awards decided not to split up the acting nominees by gender. For example, the category for Best Actor in a Movie featured three men and three women. Same with Best Hero. Best Actor in a TV Show had four girls and two dudes. It was a very woke show. Emma Watson was up for Best Actor for playing a book-reading beastiality enthusiast in the live-action Beauty and the Beast. She won.
There’s been a lot of talk about how Emma Watson turned down the Emma Stone role in La La Land to do the live-action Beauty and the Beast. Emma said that scheduling conflicts kept her from doing La La Land, but now we know the real reason why she didn’t do it. If Ryan Gosling’s character was a buff buffalo who got lipstick dick every time he danced close to her, she’d definitely be the one wearing the yellow dress and singing that City of Stars shit.
Emma Watson was in the March issue of Vanity Fair to promote Beauty and the Beast, and of course her interview was accompanied by a fancy fashion shoot. There was one shot where Emma posed wearing a strategically-placed rope cape that showed some of her boobs, and it didn’t take long for people to wonder out loud whether it was hypocritical for a very vocal feminist to be posing tits-out. Emma has a response for those people.
Famous people are different from us normal people in about a million ways, but one of the biggest ones is that strangers are almost always taking their picture. The last time I caught a stranger trying to take a picture of me, it was because I had taken the bread off my Egg McMuffin and replaced it with two hashbrowns, and I guess they just wanted a picture to remember that genius move for their next breakfast (at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself). But famous people just have to be famous for a stranger to approach them for a picture. And if you’ve ever wanted a selfie with Emma Watson, you’re not going to get one, because she doesn’t participate in that anymore.
Over a week ago, I posted the first official pictures from that ~problematic~ bestiality tale of a captured nerd girl who must’ve done a lot of hard drugs, because she talks to clocks and shit and wet dreams about covering her lips (and not the ones on her face) with the lipstick belonging to her captor, a mean dog beast. (Beauty and the Beast is like a clean version of every NSFW subreddit.) And today, Disney pooped out the first official trailer, and well, this thing makes those first official pictures look like they’re full of life and charisma. This trailer has a resting heart rate of zero and is as lackluster as this dry stale English Muffin I’m chewing on (I’m out of butter).
From that perspective, the enchanted rose looks like a magical feather duster. The other Mr. Harvey is a HUGE Disney stan. So, the other night, I was sort of forced to watch the extras on the Beauty and the Beast 25th Anniversary Edition. There was this whole bit where composer Alan Menken, the Hamilton dude, and the married couple responsible for Frozen did everything but lose their clothes and orgy it down in a celebration of one another’s genius. I love animated musicals as much as the next jaded gay (translation: “somewhat“), but grips needed to be gotten! My point is that people LURVE them some Beauty and the Beast. One of the other extras was a sneak preview of the live-action BATB flick starring Emma Watson and Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens. It’s coming out in March of 2017 and the first pics have appeared on Stitch Kingdom (by way of io9). It looks like they’re adhering pretty closely to the cartoon.