Disclaimer: That picture is not of the bear that stars in this story and is today’s HSOTD. As far as I know, the bear in the picture above is innocent and is not the kind who is into criminal mischief and ruining the party of a baby. I used this picture, because sadly, there’s not a picture of the hero bear who ruined a baby’s party for the love of cupcakes!
Lizzy Caplan (34)
Nicole Franzel (24)
Allegra Versace (30)
Michael Phelps (31)
Cheryl Cole (33)
Patrick Wolf (33)
Willam Belli (34)
Rick Gonzalez (37)
Monica Potter (45)
Phil Anselmo (48)
Peter Outerbridge (50)
Mike Tyson (50)
Murray Cook (56)
Vincent D’Onofrio (57)
David Alan Grier (60)
David Garrison (64)
Leonard Whiting (66)
Nancy Dussault (80)
Pic: Untitled Magazine
Camila Alves met Matthew McConaughey ten years ago. According to an estimate I pulled out of my ass, this means she’s sat through approximately 1,298 beachside bongo solos, eaten 6,381 beer butt chickens, and heard 86,254 “Alright alright alright“s. I know it’s only been 10 years, but Camila deserves a lifetime achievement award for that – Lainey Gossip
I know inanimate objects don’t have feelings, but I can’t help but feel really sorry for the headphones stuck in the middle of Pauly D and Aubrey O’Day while they made out like gross horny teens at the mall – Reality Tea
LOL of the day: A source claims Taylor Swift is normally “very reserved and private” – Celebitchy
Apparently Heaven exists, and it’s located in northern Costa Rica – Hollywood Tuna
A famous YouTube person named Calum McSwiggan wants you to know he didn’t fake a hate crime – Towleroad
Rihanna’s song for the new Star Trek movie helped some of the cast of Star Trek heal after Anton Yelchin’s death – The Superficial
You’d think a billionaire could afford a less janky-looking inflatable pool unicorn – Drunken Stepfather
Here’s Dakota Fanning keeping it PG while doing the thirsty Instagram thing – Popoholic
And here’s Jennifer Garner doing a pap stroll with wet hair – Popsugar
Hercules has endorsed Donald Trump – Jezebel
I wonder how many cease-and-desist notices these living latex sex dolls have received from Kris Jenner (“Plastic-faced whores are MY game“) – OMG Blog
49 celebrities tell the stories of the 49 victims of the Pulse shooting in Orlando – Huffington Post
Taylor Swift’s best friend is getting married, which means Taylor Swift will have another wedding to upstage…I mean, go to – Just Jared
90s Steve Buscemi can get it – Pajiba
Speaking of the 90s, Crystal Pepsi is back! And yet BoKu is STILL sitting in the 90s beverage graveyard – SOW
Here’s Rebecca Hall in a bikini, if that’s what you’re into – The Nip Slip
…but if half-naked buff dudes in underwear are more you’re thing… – Boy Culture
Emily Ratajkowski must have realized it’s been 0.6 seconds since the last time she posted some bikini selfies, so she attempted to make up for lost time – Egotastic
Case in point, former Hot Slut of the Day AND Month and fabulous icon for dogs everywhere GARY FISHER! You know a movie premiere is major event when A-list celebrity dogs are invited. I bet Amanda Seyfried’s famous pooch Finn called up his agent immediately after he saw this picture and barked them out for not scoring him an invite. Gary came with his human, Carrie Fisher, and her daughter, Billie Lourd. Billie has the right idea. Rather than attempt – and inevitably fail – at trying to yank some attention away from Gary, just accept it and guide everyone’s eyes to the true star of the family.
There was also some fabulous non-dogs at the premiere for the Absolutely Fabulous movie too. The premiere was held earlier today in London, of course. And if there’s anything I know about British people, they are really good at bringing ten tons of tacky glamour to an event. Let’s take a look at some of the best, shall we?
It was my understanding that being famous meant that people would be falling over their asses to give you free shit, like clothes and cars and jewelry and ostriches. I don’t know why a famous person would get a free ostrich, but that’s because I’m not famous. I don’t know how these free giveaways work! I’m a non-famous person who has to pay for stuff with my own money, like a chump. But once again I’m reminded that some famous people have a hard time getting free clothes if their waist is larger than the standard Hollywood sample size of “very very small.”
Leslie Jones, SNL person and one of the four women Ghostbusters in the all-lady Ghostbusters, recently spilled some hot truth on Twitter about preparing for the upcoming Ghostbusters premiere. According to Leslie, nobody wants to put their designer dresses on her body. Rude!
I’m sure we can all relate, right? I mean, who of us didn’t move their barely-employed adult creeper boyfriend into our $6 million home when we were 18-years-old? So relatable. Only a few days after it was reported that teenage liquid lipstick mogul Kylie Jenner was sort-of back together with cartoon tapeworm (and sometime rapper) Tyga, a source has told UsWeekly that Tyga is living at Kylie’s house now. Congratulations, Tyga! You found a house that a landlord won’t evict you from!
Do you believe in magic? You do? Good. I’m going to let you in on something. What the ancients called “magic” is what we today call “science.” So let’s get in my time machine and go all the way back to a special time called 2014. (Flashing lights. Thunder. Bam.) And we’re here! This is the year that things started to get real ~cRaZy~ for the littlest ass wart, Justin Bieber. Look. That’s his neighbor’s house he egged to prove what a big boy he was becoming. Well, yolk – I mean joke was on him, because bitch got caught and was given probation, community service and a fine. But back to the present. His probation is up. Ugh.
Despite having trespassed on private property and vandalism, Justin, sadly, did not get the punishment he should’ve. He narrowly avoided becoming the lil’est bad boy of the prison yard and instead continued his reign of terror on the helpless public. TMZ reports that Justin’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, went to the court on June 9th to end Justin’s probation a month early because he’s apparently impressed the people at the Probation Department so much. He performed 40 hours of community service and paid the neighbor $80k in damages. The request to end his probation a month early was granted, and now he’s free.
Bieber also got really lucky. TMZ says that Bieber’s Cleveland ass-whooping happened only a few hours before Shawn Holley went to court. Holley got to court before the news broke, and therefore helped Justin dodge a potential parole violation.
TMZ repeatedly calls him a “free man” in the story and I take issue with that. Man? Man?! Does a man horrify the public with these? No. Does a man do this to his fans? No! Which brings me to the fact that the Probation Department was apparently impressed with how well behaved Canada’s biggest brat has been for the past two years. What? Just to name a few of his heinous actions in the past two years: subjecting a majestic tiger to his douchey presence, terrorizing Mexican ruins, and worst of fucking all, being rude to Bette Midler! Good behavior my fanny. He should be locked away for at least a lifetime just for the Bette Midler snub.
If you’ve ever wanted to wake up with the smell of douche under your nose and a sting when you pee, you’re in luck! The penis belonging to the Vinegar Prince himself, John Mayer, is single and looking for a long-term thing. 38-year-old John Mayer admitted on Watch What Happens Live last night (via UsWeekly) that after dating half of the entertainment industry – like Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson, and most recently Katy Perry – he’s ready to settle down.
“I’m ready to roll. I’m older and more mature than I’ve ever been. The stage is set, but I’m excited for a meet cute at some point. I’m single and I’m excited about the future.”
John doesn’t specify what he’s looking for in a lady, but I’m assuming you must meet the following qualifications:
1. Want to get with John Mayer
2. Be someone who hasn’t already gotten with John Mayer
That last one might be difficult to find. Especially since you have to automatically rule out anyone with a weak stomach who might get the heaves when they look at John Mayer’s warped funhouse mirror O-face.
It’s always a little sad when a die-hard slut decides to hang up their carefree ways and swear allegiance to one set of genitals for the rest of their days (or at least until they can’t ignore the unquenchable thirst for casual fucking any longer). However, if John wants to get serious, then that’s great for him. I’m sure there’s a future Mrs. John Mayer out there somewhere.
I do wonder what their “meet cute” will be like. I can picture it now: after a long weekend of picking up random Instagram models at The Nice Guy, John will head over to CVS to pick up a bottle of Dr. Boner’s (Dr. Bronner’s horny brother) extra-strength crotch wash. As he goes to reach for the very last bottle on the shelf, another hand lands on his. They giggle, and she says “You take it. I’m sure you need it more than me.” And he says “I hope the security guard doesn’t bust you for shoplifting, because you’ve just stolen my heart.” Honestly, have you ever heard anything more romantic? Nicholas Sparks better not even think of ripping that off.
You know, you only have to get stung by a bee once to learn your lesson. But common sense doesn’t seem to apply to celebrities, does it? No. But they are still human, so eventually things sink in and they stop making the same mistakes. For a little while, at least. Today’s example: Calvin Harris. We all know that Calvin has had a really tough go of it lately because of that mean meanie Taylor Swift. She’s been selling us the pumped and dumped thing for years, but really it’s her that’s been doing the dumping! And because of her, Calvin is allegedly done, DONE, with dating celebrities.
TMZ tells us that sources close to Calvin are saying that Taylor trounced his heart so bad that he can’t even imagine wining, dining, and romancing another famous face of the world. And yes, that previous sentence should be read as “he can’t even imagine sticking his buff Geoffrey the Giraffe peen inside another trick who warbles out mediocre songs.” His main comment on the feedback card for celebrity dating is that he thinks celebs are narcissistic (WHAT?! NO!) and all he’s looking for is a normal type. The sources go on to say that Calvin was shocked and appalled that TayTay dumped him so quickly after his accident. They add that it stung his ass bad when she moved on so quickly to Tom of the Hiddlestons.
The sources also say that Calvin found Taylor to be so obsessed with her life and career that she’d throw a fit when his plans didn’t match up with exactly what she wanted. As much as I feel for him, I’m also holding up the “really, bitch?” card. Really, Calvin? You were surprised to find out how obsessed she is with her life and career? The girl who’s goal in life is to have every moment and event staged, posed, choreographed, contracted, secured, written, filmed, photographed, etc, etc, etc? Exhibit 649: Her totally spontaneous, wildly truly romantic trip to Rome.
Fair enough that Calvin doesn’t want to date the famous anymore. Calvin has dated a fair number of celebs. He’s also dated people no one has ever heard of, like Rita Ora. But the main point TMZ’s sources are making is that his “type” has totally changed now. Apparently, he’s looking for a “sexy latina, Sofia Vergara-type“. Ok, Calvin Get it!
Oh, it’s the old “beej and finger the piece standing above you” move. And yes, I can drag almost any picture of Prince Hot Ginge into the gutter with me.
This year, my mom had a milestone birthday, and to answer that question in your head, no, I’m not going to tell you which milestone birthday. I do want to see my next birthday. But anyway, to celebrate her birthday, we’re going on a big messy family trip to Paris and Barcelona, and no, I don’t mean Lake Perris, CA and Barcelona, Arkansas. I mean the actual Paris in France and Barcelona in Spain.
So because I’ll be spending a grand total of 20+ hours contorted like a pretzel on a plane and many more hours trying to say, “Why, hello there, officer, can you please tell me where I can purchase some weed?“, in French, I’ll be away from Dlisted. Allison will be here and Martin is going to help her out. J. Harvey is filling in on the weekends. I plan to still post daily, because Hot Slut of the Day and breaking PHG news stops for nothing! The CAPTION THIS Contest is also taking some time off. I will be back on Monday, July 11th.
And now, I leave you with this video of PHG dancing like Tom Hiddleston’s dance coach (Tom Hiddleston wishes) to dad rock masters Coldplay at a benefit concert for his charity Sentebale (which helps children in Lesotho) at Kensington Palace last night:
And here’s pictures of PHG with Prince Seeiso of Lesotho, Coldplay, and his “second daddy” and one of my favorite hot ginger daddies Mark Dyer.