Cristiano Ronaldo Pled Guilty To Tax Fraud To Avoid The Spanish Slammer

/ January 22, 2019

Uncle Sam’s Spanish cousin is out with a vengeance, and cue up the Whoopi Goldberg You in danger, girl” GIF for Shakira! Cristiano Ronaldo pled guilty today in Spanish court to tax fraud. He agreed to pony up nearly $22 million in fees and serve a two-year suspended jail sentence (aka no time behind bars). I’m mainly just here for the photos that look like only Crispy’s girlfriend, Georgina Rodriguez, realized they were there for a sentencing and not Madrid Fashion Week. Continue reading

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Kunty Karl Was Too Tired To Grace The Audience At The Chanel Show With His Presence 

/ January 22, 2019

Like every season, the Chanel couture show went down at the Grand Palais in Paris today, but unlike other haute couture seasons, the Grand High Vampire Witch of the Haus, Karl Lagerfeld, was not there to look over his multi-multi-thousand dollar creations in between beaming ice cold “Suck it in, fatté!” glares through his sunglasses at models who ate more than air before the show.

Kunty Karl usually comes out at the end of the show with the “bride” to take in the applause of his devotees before opening his Jack-O-Lantern-on-meth mouth to “kiss” the bride as he sucks her soul out of her young body. But the bride’s soul was spared today, because Karl wasn’t feeling well and bowed out of bowing.

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Brad Pitt’s Make It Right Foundation Is Reportedly Broke

/ January 22, 2019

William Bradley Pitt is the Ja Rule of the Lower Ninth Ward and William Bradley’s name will forever be associated with the Make It Right foundation, no matter what he does moving forward. And much like Ja’s Frye Festival did, MIR is going down in flames. Page Six reports that the foundation is essentially broke, hasn’t built a new house since 2016, hasn’t updated its website since 2015, and last publicly posted its tax filings in 2014. Brad’s been pointing fingers and trying to get his name removed from a class-action lawsuit filed on behalf of MIR homeowners who wish being presented with a nasty cheese sandwich was the least of their worries. They are suing because the MIR homes they bought with their hard-earned money are garbage. And potentially life threatening.

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Chris Brown Was Arrested In Paris For Rape And Drug Allegations

/ January 22, 2019

I don’t know why they ever let Chris Brown out of the house, because whenever there’s a story about him it’s always bad. And today is no different. Chris has been arrested in Paris after being accused of aggravated rape and drug violations. I really wish they would revoke his passport, his license and his library card because he needs to just keep his ass in the house and meditate until all of his “personal demons” have vacated his body.

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The Police Paid A Second Visit To Blac Chyna’s House

/ January 22, 2019

Blac Chyna got a second visit from the popo mere hours after they left her house the other day when an anonymous tipster claimed she was drunk at home and neglecting her baby. Turned out she wasn’t drunk at all, and she was perfectly free to neglect her baby because the nanny was there. According to TMZ, the initial call most certainly came from Chyna’s former make-up artist with whom she had a “nuclear argument” over the weekend at her house. She left in such a hurry that she didn’t grab her putty knives, industrial spray nozzles, caulking gun, grout scrapers, bike pumps, or 55-gallon chemical drum full of bleach. So she had the police escort her into the house so she could to retrieve her trade tools.

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