One Of The Twins From Everybody Loves Raymond Has Committed Suicide

April 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Well, this is a whole lot of sad for Friday morning. The Hollywood Reporter says that Sawyer Sweeten, one of the twin brothers from Everybody Loves Raymond, shot himself on the front porch of his family’s house in Texas on Thursday evening. He was 19 years old, and leaves behind his twin brother Sullivan. If you’ll excuse me, I need to find the nearest pile of pillows that resembles Marie Barone, because I need a hug. Sawyer’s older sister Madylin, who played his older sister Ally on Raymond, released a message about her brother’s death on Facebook saying:

“At this time I would like to encourage everyone to reach out to the ones you love. Let them have no doubt of what they mean to you.”

Sawyer’s Raymond co-stars have also released statements about his death, including Patricia Heaton, who tweetedThe entire cast of #EverybodyLovesRaymond is in shock. Prayers for the Sweeten family” and Ray Romano, who said:

“I’m shocked, and terribly saddened, by the news about Sawyer. He was a wonderful and sweet kid to be around. Just a great energy whenever he was there. My heart breaks for him, his family, and his friends during this very difficult time.”

I’ve probably seen every episode of Everybody Loves Raymond at least 6 times, so this is making me feel things. Although I did picture Sawyer being greeted by the ghost of Peter Boyle in the afterlife, and that made it a bit better.

I can’t find much about Sawyer’s life post-Raymond on the internet, but it looks like he was a Metallica fan. Sawyer, you had great taste in music; when I play “Nothing Else Matters” today, I’ll think of you. RIP Geoffrey Barone.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 24, 2015 / Posted by:

SHARI HEADLEY!

When I made the highly important beauty product of the 80s, Pazazz, HSOTD a couple of weeks ago, I posted one of its ad and in the ad was Shari Headley delivering some side-eye, hand-on-face glamour. I checked to see if Shari Headley has ever been HSOTD and she has not. Blasphemy!

Shari was a sparkle in the 80s and 90s universe. She did a little modeling and acted in a couple of TV shows before she landed the ROLE OF A LIFETIME as the future Princess of Zamunda in Coming To America. In Coming To America, Shari wore a gorgeous cotton candy explosion wedding dress that Katie Price later shamelessly copied for her first of ten weddings. Three years after Coming To America, Shari landed the SECOND ROLE OF A LIFETIME as Detective Mimi in All My Children. She played Detective Mimi on and off from 1991 until 2005. Shari was married to Play of Kid N’ Play (aka the one without the Minecraft hair) for a few years in the 90s. In 1994 she gave birth to a son who is considered one of the golden children of the 90s since his dad was in Kid N’Play and his mom was Detective Mimi on AMC.

Shari still acts in TV and movies today, but she really doesn’t need to. I mean, she was in a Pazazz ad and she’s the Princess of Zamunda. She’s already touched the top several times!

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Birthday Sluts

April 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Barbra Streisand (73)
Katherine Webb (26)
Tyson Ritter (31)
Kelly Clarkson (33)
Austin Nichols (35)
Danny Gokey (35)
Eric Balfour (38)
Derek Luke (41)
Barry Stock (41)
Damon Lindelof (42)
Melinda Clarke (46)
Aidan Gillen (47)
Mark Vanderloo (47)
Patty Schemel (48)
Djimon Hounsou (51)
Cedric the Entertainer (51)
Captain Sensible (61)
Eric Bogosian (62)
Jean-Paul Gaultier (63)
Phil Robertson (69)
Sue Grafton (75)
Shirley MacLaine (81)
Richard Donner (85)

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Night Crumbs

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans called Black Widow a slut and a whore during an interview. Fans got mad and they apologized. They should be sorry, because isn’t Tony Stark the true slut of the Avengers? How dare they take that title away from him – Lainey Gossip 

Blake NotSoLively thinks she looks like a potato. I would say more like an artisanal turnip – Celebitchy

Kim Richards was reasonable, calm and agreeable when Dr. Phil offered her rehab. No, she lost her mind, cursed that asshole out, pulled off her mic and stormed out of the room – Reality Tea 

Sia finally gave that little Dance Moms girl a day off – Jezebel

When Jerry O’Connell’s daughters find out that Uncle Jesse is also the face of Oikos, they’re really going to wonder why their mommy divorced him. Think of all the free yogurt! – The Superficial 

I think in love… – Towleroad

The National Enquirer says that Lisa Rina will play Pimp Mama Kris in Ryan Murphy’s mini-series about the O.J. Simpson trial. If they’re telling the truth, then Richard Kline was ROBBED once again – SOW

When Disney and 90s songs get mashed up – The Berry 

This monkey is not the one and this monkey is also my new hero – Hollywood Tuna 

And somewhere a grandma is cursing at the air over someone stealing her favorite quilt… – Popoholic

Behold, the eyes of Minecraft dogs who are currently plotting the murder of a human – Buzzfeed

Every single Directioner just hit puberty and this is why – Boy Culture

I see that Tina Knowles stole Basement Baby’s wedding color for her wedding – Popsugar

If George Clooney wants to be accurate, he should say, “This is the WORST Batman,” in voicemails – ICYDK

Hilary Duff’s custody fight against that hockey-playing millionaire Easter Island statue is getting a little messy – HuffPo

If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you know this just happened tonight – Just Jared 

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Open Post: Hosted By Bonnie, The Chihuahua Who Hates Eating Alone

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

My chihuahua is a lone pet, so he usually eats alone and that’s the way he likes it. When he has eaten around other dogs, he gets real conceited and mean. He growls and shit thinking that they’re going to steal his food. They usually couldn’t care less. I need to find out how to say, “Chill, they don’t give a fuck,. You’re not in prison in the wild,” in dog. Bonnie the chihuahua is the complete opposite of my dog.

When Bonnie’s human feeds her and her dog brother Clyde (yes, his name is Clyde and her name is Bonnie) apart, she isn’t having any of that and picks up her plate before doing the bow-legged Moonwalk over to her friend.

Bonnie IS that kind who will sit right next to you at Chipolte because she doesn’t like to eat alone. And yes, seeing a chihuahua skedaddle backwards while holding onto a plate full of food is the most talented thing you’ll see on Dlisted this year.

via HuffPo

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Native American Actors Quit Adam Sandler’s Latest Movie Because It Was Too Tasteless For Them

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

I know that saying an Adam Sandler movie is “too tasteless” is like saying Taco Bell chalupas are “too delicious“, or Patrick Swayze in Road House is “too sexy” (aka totally redundant), but it might actually be too too tasteless. Indian Country Today (via E!) says that several Native American actors working on Adam Sandler’s upcoming western comedy The Ridiculous 6 found the movie to be offensive to the Native community, so they walked off set on Wednesday. The movie, which was supposed to be released during Spring Break of 2014 and now will be released sometime in the future on Netflix, is about an orphan (Adam Sandler) who grew up among an Indian tribe, and you’d think watching Sandler do his hoobiddy-doo face in Party City Tonto drag would be the most cringe-worthy part of filming, but according to actor Loren Anthony, it’s not.

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Ariana Grande Latte Is A Cold, Calculated Breaker Of Hearts

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Rhoda in The Bad Seed.. Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son…. Damien in The Omen… That corn field wisher in The Twilight Zone… And now you can add Ariana Grand Latte’s name to the list of evil children with hearts made of ice.

When Ariana Grande Latte isn’t powering up her energy bars of evil by picturing her fans dying a slow, painful death, she’s chewing grown men up and spitting them out like Gerber chicken and gravy baby food, which is just gross to her. She’s much more of a Gerber banana strawberry kind of baby. Playgrounds were filled with tears and WHYs a few days ago when Ariana and Big Sean dramatically announced that they are done with each other after 8 long months together. Everyone (aka no one) wondered what could’ve possibly gone wrong between junior high school’s answer to Diddy and JLo?! We FINALLY have answers.

A source (read: Big Sean’s pool noodle dick, because you know that bitch has a big mouth) tells TMZ that it was all Ariana’s fault. Big Sean is currently tagging the words “ARIANA IS AN EVIL BITCH” into the wall of the boys bathroom closest to the gym, because she really gave him the owwies in the heart area. The source says that these are the 3 things that led to the break-up of the century:

1. Big Sean did a show the night before the Grammys last February and it was the biggest night of his career and everyone (including JLo, the Biebs, The Difficult Brown, etc…) was there except for Ariana. She had to study for a geometry exam, or something. No, her excuse was that she had to prepare herself for the Grammys.

2. Big Sean went to see Ariana, like, all the time. He counted and everything. He went to see her 10 more times than she went to see him. Cold, right? Ariana even told him to spend tens of thousands of dollars on taking a private jet to see her. Sean grew up poor and doesn’t like wasting money. He always thought it was real “immature” of Ariana to make demands like that.

3. Big Sean thinks that Ariana is so evil and mean that she purposefully orchestrated that onstage cuddle session with Justin Bieber to piss him off.

What a bitch! I knew Ariana was extra shady when she called out Ruby’s cankles and split ends in front of everyone in third period. I wish it was Valentine’s Day again so that I could send Big Sean an anonymous candy gram to make him feel better. Sending him a candy gram would be a nice change from sending myself candy grams. Did I just say that out loud?

File Under “Why?”: Gillian Anderson Recently Asked Chris Martin Out On A Date

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

That’s literally the exact same face I make any time someone tells me they think Justin Bieber is “just misunderstood.” And I’m not sure why she’s making it, but Gillian Anderson might find herself making that same face during a post-fuck conversation in the future that starts with the words “Wanna see my scarf collection?” According to The Sun (via The Daily Mail), there’s a pretty good chance that might happen, because Scully recently asked Chris Martin on a date. Today I learned: insomnia is very real and those who suffer from it will do anything to cure it. No! Maybe she just really likes drowsy singing types?

A “source” (Scully’s hot baldy boss Walter Skinner, I hope) said 46-year-old Gillian and 38-year-old Chris Martin are an “unlikely combination” but have “definite chemistry.” Sure, but what about…you know…Chris Martin’s girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence? Maybe she’s cool with it because she’s a hard-core X-Files fan from way back who has always dreamed of a three-way with Scully.

Of course, neither Gillian not Chris Martin’s people have yet to comment on their possible date. But I’m sure the truth is out th-NO ALLISON! You got this far without making a hackey X-Files joke, you don’t have to start now.

In the meantime, don’t expect to see Chris’ ex-wife (or as she probably calls herself, his former executive espousal consort) Gwyneth Paltrow getting jealous and rushing to one-up him by smug-arming Fox Mulder into a quickie marriage. Comic Book Guy’s culinary-world cousin Mario Batali told the NY Daily News that he doesn’t think his pal Goopy will ever get married again. Oh, that’s sad. I was really hoping to find out what Goopy-sounding snobby person term Gwyneth would invent for her second marriage. You’re right – it wouldn’t be a marriage; it would be a later-in-life union of elevated souls or something.

Beyonce And Jay-Z’s Joint Album Will Save Tidal!

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Since Tidal was backed by a thousand egos, it was supposed to be a powerful tsunami that will eventually take Spotify out. But well, so far it has turned to be as powerful as a dripping bathroom faucet. (That was a bad example, because dripping bathroom faucets are pretty powerful. They have been known to drive people to MURDER.)

The Los Angeles Times says that Tidal has already dropped out of iTunes Top 700 apps after only a few weeks. Its arch rival Spotify is #12. (Side note: MyIdol, that highly addictive Chinese app that lets you turn yourself into a cartoon stripper, is at #20.) Tidal has also dropped its CEO and pink-slipped 25 employees. Bitches are so hard up that Jay-Z and Jack White are personally calling Tidal subscribers. They are thisclose to working the stroll and stopping cars to tell the driver, “I’ll suck yer dick if you subscribe to Tidal, honey.

Even Jay-Z and Beyonce’s bottom bitch Kanye West slowly moved away from Tidal for a second. Kanye wiped his Twitter page clean of any mention of Tidal. But I guess Beyonce called Kanye up and let him know that she’s not going to let him brush her weave and guzzle down her dirty bathwater if he doesn’t fix it, Yeezus. So yesterday afternoon, he suckled on the tip of Tidal’s dick by tweeting about it. On top of all of that, New York Magazine says that Tidal’s slow death is giving Spotify life!

In the middle of all that bad press for Tidal, someone named DJ Skee of Skee TV (via Uproxx) popped up to say that the joint album that Beyonce and Jay-Z have been working on will premiere on Tidal. This is about as surprising as a Grindr trick saying to me, “Errr, I gotta go. I just remembered that I have diarrhea,” after seeing me in person for the first time when I open the door. DJ Skee put the shocking news like this:

“I first reported last year that Jay Z and Beyonce were working on a joint album, which by the way is finally nearing completion. And now my sources are saying it will be released exclusively on Tidal.”

I’ve seen some people putting on their tap shoes to dance on the almost dead corpse of Tidal and that’s just plain cunty. I mean, if Tidal flops, how will Jay-Z, Kanye, Beyonce, Madonna and all those other multi-multi millionaires get more millions? They’ll probably have to downgrade their Gulfstream to an embarrassing Learjet (aka the private jets of the poors). Goopy Paltrow is totally going to laugh at them as she boards her giant solid gold jet. Poor things. Pray for them.

But seriously, Beyonce and Jay-Z’s joint album will definitely be a major traffic getter for Tidal…for about 3 seconds before a wave carries it to services people actually use.

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