Birthday Sluts

September 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Heather Locklear (55)
Jansen Panettiere (22)
Donald Glover (33)
T.I. (36)
Jodie Kidd (38)
Clea DuVall (39)
Santigold (40)
Matt Hasselbeck (41)
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras (43)
Bridget Marquardt (43)
Brian Dunkleman (45)
Hal Sparks (47)
Catherine Zeta-Jones (47)
Will Smith (48)
Jason Flemyng (50)
Scottie Pippen (51)
Tate Donovan (53)
Keely Shaye Smith (53)
Aida Turturro (54)
Michael Madsen (59)
Jamie Hyneman (60)
Mark Hamill (65)
Pedro Almodóvar (67)
Cheryl Tiegs (69)
Michael Douglas (72)
Barbara Walters (87)
Christopher Reeve (1952-2004)

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By Two Monkeys Having Sex On A Guy’s Head

September 24, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s just like that old saying goes: some days you’re the got-to-have it monkey doing it on a human’s head, some days you’re the human they’re doing it on.

This seems like the kind of story that should be coming out of Florida and accompanied by a picture of a dude in a gift shop buying a shirt that says “I Got Humped On at Horny Monkey World“, but it’s actually from India. According to The Daily Mail, this accidental act of primate love happened at an Indian monkey sanctuary. A cute bearded tourist decided he really wanted a monkey crawling all over him, so he lured it up there with a piece of fruit. Not too long after, another monkey decides to hop on up. But that second monkey wasn’t interested in fruit; that second monkey wanted to get down with the first monkey. Second monkey didn’t even set the mood first with some sensual banana-scented candles, he just got right to humping. And it all happened on cute bearded tourist’s head and shoulders. Ironically, that could also be the name of the shampoo he used to scrub all the monkey jizz out of his hair after they were done.

I don’t feel too bad for that human; I’m sure having two animals get busy on you your head is a sign of good luck somewhere. The creature I feel most badly for is that first monkey. There she is, trying to enjoy her fruit in peace, and that second monkey jumps in like “Hey babe, let’s do this.” Jesus, at least let her finish her dinner first!

(via Death and Taxes)

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Whoopi Goldberg Told Wendy Williams That She’s Exiting “The View”

September 24, 2016 / Posted by:

Who the hell is going to give the side-eyes to the younger ladies on The View now? Candace Cameron-Bure and Raven-Symoné need to be kept in check! One of the few EGOT possessors in existence, Whoopi Goldberg,  went on The Wendy Williams Show and mentioned that she’s probably not returning to The View after the next season (via Vulture).

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Jared Leto Lost His Taylor Swift-Centric Lawsuit Against TMZ

September 24, 2016 / Posted by:

Regretful super-villain Jared Leto has even more woe in his life now besides the realization that he’d been cruelly tricked into making millions of dollars by a deceitful movie studio. A judge has ruled that Jared’s suit against TMZ for posting a video of him verbally cutting up Taylor “Serpent” Swift and her music was about as valid as his attempt to one-up Heath Ledger.

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Marion Cotillard’s Partner Guillaume Canet Addressed Those “Haters”

September 24, 2016 / Posted by:

You know how you can tell a couple is ride-or-die for each other? When they’re two French people who check the “haters” in separate Instagram posts. In Français! Oscar-winning actress, Marion Cotillard, had the bad luck (“Quelle est cette chose que vous appelez mauvais?” – Paramount executives) to have filmed Allied with stoner-dad-under-siege Brad Pitt immediately preceding his wife Angelina Jolie filing for “eff this, I’m out.” She’s since been the target of rumors that her chatte (like Michael, I love Google Translate) was the reason for their split. Marion has already Instagrammed a statement denying it and wishing the “haters” a swift recovery from their fever of stupidity. And now her partner of nine years, actor/director Guillaume Canet, has addressed the “haters” himself on behalf of his maman bébé. He even wrote “shit” in French. Swoon!

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