Elon Musk Threw Himself A Cyber Rodeo To Celebrate Tesla’s Austin Factory Grand Opening
Whatever happened to cool billionaires? I know Bruce Wayne didn’t watch his parents get murdered 5 or 6 times just to have Elon Musk out here making an absolute mockery of unchecked wealth and power. A billionaire simply does not walk on stage surrounded by laser beams wearing a cowboy hat and belt buckle unless he is an oil magnate over the age of 60 with an expressive mustache and the steely gaze of a man who has had somebody murdered with a drone. Yet, according to UPROXX, at an event called Cyber Rodeo, held at the Tesla Gigafactory in Austin last night, Elon did just that, having possibly only met one of those conditions. I’m sorry, did I say walked on stage? Elon drove a Tesla on stage, got out, and self-consciously touched his butt as if the excitement of the cheering crowd scared out a little fart he didn’t quite trust. For the love of Rihanna, is this what it’s come to? Dick-shaped rockets and Dogecoin drone shows? Why, in my day, billionaires wore tuxedos and spats to shit on the poors. Now they’re shitting themselves while committing economic genocide! And don’t get me started on the whole dandruff situation…
OK, I’ll just say that black t-shirts are not his friend. According to UPROXX, the Cyber Rodeo marked the grand opening of Elon’s $1 billion Austin-based factory, dubbed the Gigafactory because, I guess, MEGADICKFACTORY didn’t make it past the censors/fact-checkers.
Over 15,000 people were invited to the “Cyber Rodeo,” which featured “a large, open warehouse with a bar and a wide and unusual selection of amusements. There was live music, carnival games, drink and snack stations, and at least half a dozen food trucks and dancers on rollerblades — and even a mechanical bull, a tattoo parlor, and a petting zoo,” the Austin American-Statesman reports. Also, Harrison Ford was there.
Musk, wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses, proclaimed that the Gigafactory is “taller than the Burj Khalifa,” and that 194 billion hamsters could fit inside the building. Meanwhile, outside the factory, there was a drone show, complete with a “doge.”
Oh, maybe Harrison will be piloting SpaceX’s next mission. We can only hope! While the crowd in attendance seemed to be getting their life (there were women in cowboy hats sobbing and crying in the front row as Elon spoke), many online have compared the event to Kendall Roy’s 40th birthday party that he threw for himself on Succession. At Kendall’s party, guests entered through a recreation of his mother’s womb and vagina. But Elon’s so technologically advanced, his mother is a car. Here’s his entrance, which starts at 24:28. Be sure to keep an eye out for that aforementioned butt touch.
#cyberrodeo #tesla Elon in his element @Tesla Austin Gigafactory opening party. pic.twitter.com/1atEsshWFI
— Vinny Lingham (@VinnyLingham) April 8, 2022
Close Enough ⚡ @elonmusk @WSBChairman pic.twitter.com/YFqvLQL8Fq
— DogeDesigner (@cb_doge) April 8, 2022
A familiar face at the #CyberRodeo 👀@elonmusk #dogecoin #doge pic.twitter.com/btAbUUCsNx
— Sir Doge of the Coin 🇺🇦 🦊 (@dogeofficialceo) April 8, 2022
Why, in my day, warehouse raves were cool and 100% billionaire free. And you paid for your drugs with real cash money, not Dogecoin!
Pic: YouTube