Sean Penn Had To Flee Ukraine On Foot While Making A Documentary About The Russian Invasion

When he’s not bravely risking his last few healthy skin cells under the glare of the Mediterranean sun while mega-yachting with Leonardo DiCaprio in an effort to save his girlfriend from making a horrible mistake (sadly, it didn’t work and she married him anyway, I guess she had to go through it to get over it), he’s bravely risking the lives of a documentary film crew (and his last healthy brain cells) by dragging them to Kyiv, Ukraine to film a documentary he’s producing for Vice Studios. Sean’s previous documentary about his humanitarian efforts, 2020’s Citizen Penn, was praised by The Guardian for uplifting Haiti, but they also said it “come[s] across in some ways as a 93-minute self-administered high-five.” Leave it to Sean to both save lives and invent tantric auto high-fiving in a single blow.

According to Reuters, Sean’s latest humanitarian effect has resulted in him and his crew fleeing Ukraine to Poland on foot, luggage in tow. I’d like to see one of those skirt-wearing, feminized men try to do that, but their suitcases would be too full of cosmetics and such. Manly man that he is, Sean packs light and only carries with him a toothpick, a rusty razor blade, and a notebook of his poems, all of which can double as lethal weapons. Sunscreen is for sissies!

Days after visiting the Ukrainian capital Kyiv to film scenes for his documentary on Russia’s invasion, Hollywood actor-director Sean Penn found himself among thousands of refugees fleeing to Poland, joining the exodus on foot.

Penn was in Kyiv last Thursday attending a press briefing at the office of President Volodymyr Zelenskiy on the first day of Russia’s invasion, recording footage for a documentary chronicling the crisis, Zelenskiy’s office said in a statement at the time.

A spokesperson in Los Angeles, Mara Buxbaum, told Reuters by email on Tuesday that Penn had “made it out of Ukraine safely.” She declined to answer other questions about his whereabouts or the circumstances of his departure from Ukraine.

Of course, it’s admirable whenever anybody takes a stand against tyranny and injustice and it’s rare to see an American celebrity literally put their ass on the line (in this case the border), but does it have to be his? Here’s Sean’s tweet from the trenches.

Myself & two colleagues walked miles to the Polish border after abandoning our car on the side of the road. Almost all the cars in this photo carry women & children only, most without any sign of luggage, and a car their only possession of value. pic.twitter.com/XSwCDgYVSH

— Sean Penn (@SeanPenn) February 28, 2022

Reuters notes “the tweet did not explain why the Academy Award-winning actor and his companions were forced to abandon their vehicle,” but that’s unfair. He’s an actor and director, dammit, not a journalist! You don’t get action shots like this sitting in traffic! Honestly, I feel a little ashamed of my skepticism surrounding Sean’s motivations. As we know, he’s done good work in Haiti, New Orleans, Pakistan, and Mexican actress Kate del Castillo’s coochie, but the way he goes about these things, I can’t help but see a man as parched for machismo street-cred as his face is for a dab of Shea Moisture. But Sean says he went to Ukraine to save the very soul of America.

In a statement last week, the actor acclaimed for Oscar-winning roles in “Mystic River” and “Milk” praised the Ukrainian people as “historic symbols of courage” and called Ukraine “the tip of the spear for the democratic embrace of dreams.”

“If we allow it to fight alone, our soul as America is lost,” Penn wrote.

Well, according to Reuters his presence and visibility are appreciated, so more power to him. Fellow thespian President Zelenskiy said in a statement last Thursday, “Sean Penn is among those who support Ukraine in Ukraine today. Our country is grateful to him for such a show of courage and honesty” and that he “demonstrates the courage that many others, especially Western politicians lack.” So don’t get me wrong, I’m rooting for Sean. Maybe he’s planning to make his way to Russia to face off against Putin in person, mano a mano, bear vs boar, in the manliest display of masculine vigor since Katya fell to Kennedy Davenport while lipsyncing FOR. THEIR. LIVES.

Pic: BauerGriffin/INSTARimages.com