Category: Rick Ross
Open Post: Hosted By Rick Ross’ Roaming Buffaloes Pissing Off His Neighbor
Though Rick Ross, a grunting, sleepy-eyed rapper with titties to match, has deemed himself the “Biggest Boss,” he’s somehow unable to manage the several buffaloes that live at his massive estate he calls “The Promise Land” in Fayetteville, GA. The buffaloes got out of their enclosure a few days ago and have been grazing on the property of a nearby neighbor, who is not having it.
Rick Ross Asks His Followers If He’s A Hoarder After Posting Video Of Piled-Up Clothes In His Mansion
Rick Ross needs to take the self-assigned title of BOSS into consideration when he hires his new cleaning service because he recently posted a video asking his followers if he’s a hoarder. But of course, instead of admitting to himself that he has a problem, he kicked it back to the tried and true excuse of “I’m rich! I got lots of nice shit, how am I a hoarder?” A question for the ages, my guy, but clearly, if you’re not a hoarder, you’re something far worse: a wealthy, delusional slob.
Rick Ross Won’t Sign A Female Rapper To His Label For Fear Of Inevitable Sex
If you’re an aspiring rapper who also happens to be a woman, here’s a hot career tip for you: don’t send a mixtape to the office of Rick Ross. I’m sorry, but it’s just not going to work out. The guaranteed sexual tension between you and Rick will inevitably cause your crotches to explode with passion, which will then make things weird around the office, and Rick just doesn’t want to have to deal with that. At least according to Rick Ross’ delusional mind that’s what will happen.
Rick was asked why he’s never signed a lady rapper to his recording label, Maybach Music Group, during a recent interview with Power 105.1’s The Breakfast Club (via Pitchfork). Pure misogynistic nonsense ensued.
“You know, I never did it because I always thought, like, I would end up fucking a female rapper and fucking the business up. I’m so focused on my business. I just, I gotta be honest with you. You know, she looking good. I’m spending so much money on her photo shoots. I gotta fuck a couple times.”
Those poor female rappers. The disappointment they must feel knowing they’ll never have the privilege of wrapping up an expensive photo shoot and catching a glimpse of Rick in the corner, puddles of sweat collecting under his moobs in his sexiest laundry day outfit, with a look in his eyes that say “I’m going to let you have sex on me…a couple times.”
But there’s one person who greatly benefits from Rick’s no female rappers policy, and that’s whoever runs HR over at Maybach Music Group. They would for sure develop a chronic case of carpal tunnel and severe nerve damage in their fingertips from typing up all those sexual harassment complaints.
Pic: Wenn.com
Rick Ross Arrested For Kidnapping And Assault
Permanently exhausted-looking rapper, Florida native, and owner of several gorgeous tattoos Rick Ross recently did his home state proud by getting arrested for a bunch of messy stuff. TMZ says that Rick Ross aka Ricky Rozay (a nickname that I’m sure he shares with many rosé-loving middle-aged women named Ricki) was arrested early this morning in Fayette County, Georgia by the Southeast Regional Fugitive Task Force of the U. S. Marshals Service and charged with the following: kidnapping, aggravated assault, and aggravated battery. The U. S. Marshals! Damn, you know you did something wrong when Samuel Gerard is after you.
Rick Ross was arrested early this morning, but apparently all the illegal stuff he got arrested for happened two weeks ago. According to TMZ, Rick Ross was having work done on his house in Georgia and he and his bodyguard allegedly got into a fight with one of the workers. They don’t say why, but let’s just pretend it was over subway tiles. Ross allegedly pistol whipped the guy, which I guess would be the aggravated battery part. And then I suppose he fled, since the Fugitive Task Force was after them. Ross’ bodyguard was also arrested.
This isn’t the first time Ross has had a run-in with the law in Fayette County, Georgia. Two weeks ago, police busted him for possession of weed. Maybe if he asks nicely, the judge will bundle the charges into one convenient court date.
But back to that kidnapping charge. TMZ says that Ross was charged with kidnapping because he would let the guy working on his house leave. Now I can’t stop picturing Rick Ross blocking the front door and yelling “Listen up, motherfucker – you’re not leaving till you fix the grout on those subway tiles. I said gray, not white!“
Rick Ross Got A Future Regret Tattooed On His Chin
Oh sweet succulent schadenfreude in the making, is there anything more beautiful than bearing witness to such an obvious future mistake? Don’t get me wrong, a tattoo on your chin is a present-day mistake, but it’s the use of the word “forever” than has me positively beaming. Wait, is that a tattoo of Florida between his eyebrows? Dear Louvre, throw Mona Lisa into the trash and hang this in its place.
Rick Ross, the husky rapper with permanent sleepy puppy face, posted a picture of his most recent tattoo to Instagram as a way to prove to the world he’s never heard the Alanis Morissette song “Ironic” or seen Johnny Depp’s messy Wino Forever tattoo. Yes, Rick Ross gave his bank account the kiss of death by tattooing the words “Rich Forever” on his chin. Unless he meant ‘rich’ in the way you describe a cheesecake, in which case, I’m with you Rick Ross. Delicious rich foods forever.
Now, I’m no Miss Cleo (I wish) but I do know that if we jump ahead to the year 2034, there’s like a 99.9999% chance Rick Ross will no longer be rich. Why? Because Coolio, that’s why. And also, as Emily Blunt proved yesterday, everything comes back to bite you in the ass. Rick Ross might as well go ahead and legally change his name to Rick Ross Dress For Less, because I see being a broke bitch in his future.
Pic: Instagram