Speaking of The Vapors….

Tell everyone in the office you’re taking a long break, close the door to your cubicle office, keep a box of tissues close and enjoy these covers of Details Magazine featuring the hot pieces from True Blood (sans Lafayette). Afterwards, write an apology note on a Post-It to the office cleaner letting them know that you accidentally got a little blue cheese dressing on your chair.

And if you need me, I’ll just be sitting here waiting for the coming of the multiple male orgasm.

Robert Pattinson’s Wax Figure Is Going To Get Somebody Pregnant

Even though RPattz’s new wax figure at Madame Tussauds’s in London looks more like a skinny Leonardo DiCaprio with a Yorkie on his head, that isn’t stopping crazed Twihards from trying to lose their virginity with it. I hope the cleaning people know how to remove extra chunky panty pudding crust from wax, because that thing will be covered in it at the end of the day. You know how some park statues are drenched in pigeon poo? Well, it’s going to look like that, but instead of pigeon caca it will be coochie cream. MAN DOWN CODE 10!

And in 9 months, all of these crazies will be giving birth to tealights and shit.

The Beauty Trifecta Is Complete!

Bikini pictures of PP? CHECK! Lucite on water? CHECK! Prince Hot Ginge flashing a little leg? CHECK! Now I know how the baby Jesus felt when he was visited by The Three Kings bearing gifts. Shut down Sunday, we’re all done here.

At an event in London the other night, Prince Hot Ginge and several disabled veterans gave reporters 1/100th of a striptease. PHG and the veterans also announced that they will trek 300 miles across the Artic to the North Pole next year. PHG is planning to join them if his military commitments allow him to. The charity expedition will be led by a team of experts, and all money raised will go to Walking With the Wounded.

Wait. Hot Ginge wants to step foot on the Artic? That’s like taking a flame to an ice cube. That is some fast forward Global Warming shit. Al Gore and the polar bears will never approve this!

It’s A Sign!

Peek at the pictures in the post below of Brit Brit flashing her “ready to play pool” nipples in a GREY t-shirt in Los Angeles yesterday. Then look at these pictures of Alexander Skarsgard also making genitals turn inside/out by flashing his “slightly aroused” nipples in a GREY t-shirt in Los Angeles yesterday. And neither of them are wearing a bra! Coincidence? Yeah, probably.

I just needed a reason to post a picture of Askars struttin’ struttin’.

A Trailer For A Trailer For A Trailer

This is the 10 second preview for the teaser trailer for Twilight: Eclipse. Crazy.

So let’s run down this:

Actual movie = squirting orgasm
Theatrical trailer = sticking the tip in
Teaser trailer = hand job and clit rub
10 second preview for teaser trailer = finger bang (but just to the nail)

DAMN! Summit is really making these Twihards squirm for it. They should at least pass out bottles of sparkly Twilight lube, because those poor hos are going to be dryer than Gary Coleman’s skin by the time the actual movie comes out.

Now about this 10-second finger bang. Taylor Lautner needs to work on his romance-talk. I mean: “I’ll fight for you until your heart starts beating.” I know he’s saying until she turns into a vampire, but STILL! That’s not how you love up a bitch with words. If my heart stops beating first, you obviously didn’t fight hard enough. If you loved me like that, you would punch tricks for me until YOUR HEART quit it. Stop lying.

via Coming Soon

The Real Sexual Napalm

Here we have Mah Boo Anderson Cooper throwing Jessica Simpson a “So you think your no-no makes dicks go boom?” look at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party on Sunday night.

Seriously, if John Mayer thinks Jessica has the stuff to cause crotch explosions, then he obviously doesn’t know about the Silver Fox’s powers. Don’t let Mah Boo’s size fool you. He might look like a baby Whippet next to Jessica’s bull dog body, but he just has to purse his mouth lips to make b-holes detonate.*

*I’m speaking from experience. It looks like Chernobyl down there.