Category: Michelle Obama
Open Post: Hosted By THE QUEEN And Prince Hot Ginge Dropping A Boom On The Obamas
Yesterday the TSA sent me a letter saying that I was put on the Do Not Fly To Florida list, and that could only mean one thing: The Invictus Games begin next week in Orlando, FL and Prince Hot Ginge will be there!
The Invictus Games were started by PHG, and they’re a Paralympic-style sporting event involving a bunch of countries. Since it’s happening in the US this year, Michelle Obama has been helping to promote it, and this morning, she tweeted a video of message and her and President Obama pretty much puffing their chests up at PHG. (Michelle Obama also showed off her impeccable teleprompter-reading skills in that video.) PHG answered back with help from THE QUEEN! THE QUEEN spit out a verbal eye roll at the Obamas’ threat and that was PHG’s cue to drop the mic. I’m jealous of the Obamas, because I wish PHG would drop his mic on me, and yes, that’s a euphemism.
Unfortunately for you @FLOTUS and @POTUS I wasn't alone when you sent me that video 😉 – H.https://t.co/sjfSQvkzb6
— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) April 29, 2016
I bet that clip was highly edited. I bet that in the raw footage, THE QUEEN takes off her earrings, kicks off her shoes and goes after the phone while swinging her pocketbook as PHG and her Corgis try to hold her back. Don’t come for THE QUEEN unless she sends for you!
And here’s PHG making chonies go BOOM while working a tuxedo at the BT Sports Industry Awards in London last night.
Pics: Wenn.com
Duchess Kate And Prince William “Scrambled” To Hide The Title Of A Painting From The Obamas
This morning, Prince Hot Ginge made a thousand British mums cleanse the ears of their children with holy water by saying the word “arse” during an interview on BBC Radio 2, and believe it or not, that’s not the biggest British royal news today. The big British royal news is that before Duchess Kate and Prince William hosted President Obama and Michelle Obama in their Ballard Designs-looking ass sitting room at Kensington Palace, they hid a plaque that they thought would offend their American guests.
The Sun (via The Mirror) says that below the painting behind Duchess Kate and Michelle Obama in the picture above is a plaque with the title on it. The title of the painting is “The Negro Page.” Not one of Duchess Kate and Prince William’s minions gave it a thought until minutes before President Obama showed up.
Open Post: Hosted By Prince George Graciously Greeting His American Fans
President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama are in England now, because before they leave office, they wanted to use their connections to meet the future King of England who will probably use his powers to take back the United States in 60 years. Prince George lives a hectic life and he somehow managed to squeeze in a quick meet-and-greet with POTUS and FLOTUS in between his pre-bedtime shiatsu massage and his goodnight ritual (aka talking on the phone with his memaw THE QUEEN to discuss his plan to eventually takeover the colonies when the crown becomes his!).
You can tell that Prince George is shaking POTUS’ hand while saying, “I’m sorry, ‘ol chap, but I must retreat to my bed chambers to continue working on my plans to make your little country all mine. Cheerio!” I know, I should be scared of Prince George’s eventual worldwide domination, but I’m too busy awww-ing over that widdle monogwammed bathwobe!
After POTUS and FLOTUS paid their respects to the future King of England (and the United States), they met up with Prince Hot Ginge for dinner at Kensington Palace. I can’t wait to see the pictures of the Obamas looking all twisted up while stumbling out of Kensington Palace at 4am after doing Fireball body shots and dancing to EDM with PHG.
Open Post: Hosted By Prince Hot Ginge In DC
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the reason why your coochies or b-holes or both are on fire right now!” – Jill Biden in that picture, obviously.
If you’re in the DC area right now and wondering why your down low parts are panting like a dog in the desert and why it feels like four thousand rays of piping hot heat are hitting you, it’s because Prince Hot Ginge is there. Walk by the Washington Monument and you’ll see that it looks more erect than usual. PHG is in DC for a quickie. He’s just sticking the tip in real quick. He flew into DC from England last night and he’s leaving tonight. PHG is in DC to promote the Paralympic-style Invictus Games, which is happening in Orlando, FL next year.
PHG first met up with Michelle Obama and Jill Biden for Slippery Nipple shots at a T.G.I. Friday’s in Foggy Bottom. (No, that’s not my nickname, it’s a neighborhood in DC. And yes, I made that shit up about them going to T.G.I. Friday’s. They went to Chili’s.) After that, Jill Biden and Michelle Obama gave PHG a tour of the USO Warrior and Family Center at Fort Belvoir in Virginia. While there, PHG met with wounded veterans, watched a basketball game and spoke. Here’s a compilation of important scenes from PHG’s visit:
When “Get Ready For This” played, I expected PHG to whip off his blazer and give someone a lap dance. He must’ve been all the way sober by then. PHG also met with President Obama in the Oval Office and Obama let him know that the White House will be painted a bright shade of ginger in his honor.
Pics: Getty
Michelle Obama Is Mom Dancing With Jimmy Fallon Again
In honor of the 5 year anniversary of her Let’s Move! campaign (not to be confused with the Bitch You Need To Move More guilt trip my doctor gives me after seeing how light headed I get during the lung capacity test part of my yearly physical), Michelle Obama made an appearance on The Tonight Show last night to perform Part 2 of the Evolution of Mom Dancing with Jimmy Fallon. Once again, Jimmy Fallon slipped into some bitchy PTA mom drag, but it looks like he forgot to tuck. Or maybe that’s just part of the drag? It’s not a penis, it’s a bundle of Meadowcrest Elementary pencils she swiped from the staff room when no one was looking.
I’m not a mom type, but I can totally relate to the “One Move Behind In Zumba Class”. I signed up for a Zumba class once because – I have no idea why, I think I was drunk at the time – and that shit was HARD. It’s like Dance Dance Revolution on crack. I think I spent most of the class trying to grape vine to the exit door. Yes, it took me the whole class. Grape vines are confusing!
And I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I will definitely be busting out at least 4 or 5 of these moves after I get Good Friday drunk on wine. It’s what Jesus would have wanted.
ICYMI: Michelle Obama On The “Ew!” Show With Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell
If you’ve got 6 minutes and 10 seconds of your life to spare and really want to see Will Ferrell act like a bitchy mean girl while dragged up like a hotter Michelle Duggar, then press play on this video from last night’s The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon pulled out that “Ew!” sketch and used that shit as a platform for First Lady Michelle Obama to come out to tell all of our lazy asses to exercise more (You’re not my mom, Michelle Obama!) and to try to make kale chips happen again. The only way I will ever eat a kale chip again is if it’s wearing a jacket made of potato chips, a hat made of deep fried bacon and it’s insides are filled with processed nacho cheese. Even then, I’ll hold my nose while doing so.
The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon isn’t even a week old and he’s already had Brian Williams making nip slits smile by mumbling out Rapper’s Delight and Will Smith doing the evolution of hip-hop moves with him. What’s next? Joe Biden doing Slow James the News?
Meanwhile on Public Access in NYC, Sarah Palin was a guest on The Robin Byrd Show. I wish.