Get your flip phone out and text your bestie with that T9 predictive because some hot celebrity news just dropped! Heidi Montag is feuding with Lauren Conrad again because apparently, it’s 2007? While on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Heidi said that Lauren didn’t live up to her potential, telling host, Alex Cooper, that Lauren could have been Kylie Jenner. Excuse me, what? First of all, without the eons of blood sacrifices Kris Jenner has hand-delivered into the gaping maw of Beelzebub, Kylie Jenner would never have achieved the unholy power she wields.
Beauty YouTuber James Charles picked another fight with a celebrity entering the makeup-selling universe. Previously, he shit on Sans Fards Priestess, Alicia Keys, who is releasing a beauty brand. James took issue with the fact that Alicia doesn’t really wear make-up but was putting out a beauty line. He apologized after learning that Alicia is selling skincare and not makeup. But now he’s turned his ire to Lauren Conrad, the Queen of the Basics who was in The Hills and Laguna Beach. LC is releasing a beauty brand and sent some of her stuff to James Charles. But the PR package James received was terrible! Sacrebleu! How dare she! Don’t worry, they talked and worked it all out and everything is good now. I mean, we’ll for sure get a forty-minute video with a non-story about the whole drama but that was unavoidable.
Based On His Name, Lauren Conrad Gave Birth To An Old-Timey Children’s Book Character (Who Might Be Peter Rabbit’s Enemy)
Lauren Conrad did not return to the new season of The Hills and instead she created a second human. Specifically, a second baby boy named Charlie Wolf Tell. I get that LC needs to stay on brand as being whimsical and needs to give her son a name she can later use for a kid’s line for Kohl’s. But she’s really wasting her husband’s last name of Tell by not naming one of her kids Kissyn or Showyn, or done a half-assed tribute to Antoine Dodson by naming him Runnyn. But no, she had to go with boring Charlie Wolf!
When it was announced that MTV was rebooting The Hills, it seemed crazy that they could have a show without its star, Lauren Conrad. But Lauren Conrad was reportedly in a “different place” in her life, meaning she doesn’t need the money that badly. And that’s how we ended up with The Hills: New Beginnings, starring Heidi Montag, Whitney Port, Audrina Patridge, and Mischa Barton. You would think the cast of the rebooted Hills would be nervous that the show was going to be a flop without the most legitimate cast member. But Heidi and the gang actually seem pretty happy that LC isn’t involved.
Because a check is a check and Mischa Barton really needs a check, she’s doing what anyone in her position would do: “reality” TV. Heidi and Spencer Pratt and the rest of the people on The Hills whose names you can never remember showed up to the MTV VMAs this year and promised a reboot was in the works. Brody Jenner and Whitney Port somehow signed up for this, but news dropped today that one Marissa Cooper…aka Mischa…will be jumping from fiction to, uh, fiction-that-is-called-real-life and be (presumably) the Lauren Conrad/Kristin Cavallari role.
Last night at the MTV VMAs, the drips and bowls of bland oatmeal from The Hills came back together to announce that MTV is bringing back the series that launched the careers of all the people not in attendance for the reunion.