Category: Lamar Odom
Oh, It’s Just A Shirtless, Cracked Out Lamar Odom Rapping About Cheating On Khloe Kardashian
In a video that looks like it was shot on a cracked crack pipe in a steam room, a shirtless Lamar Odom and his shirtless friend rap out some crap while being drunk or high out of their minds. TMZ somehow got a hold of the video (read: Pimp Mama Kris dropped it in Harvey Levin’s slot) that was supposedly taken this month.
Lam Lam slur raps about being on the DL (Note: Either crack burned away the definition of “DL” from his brain or he admitted to liking hard peen) when Khloe Kardashian’s away and making money from their bottle of stank “Unbreakable.” This is a mess, but it still sounds better than Bound 2. I also wouldn’t be surprised if a drunk and topless Bruce Jenner was in the corner of the room bouncing his head.
And this should really be shown to high school students during drug awareness assemblies. They should be taught to stay away from the bad shit known as the Kardashians. This is your brain on Kardashian.
Pimp Mama Kris Is Probably Tweeting As Lamar Now (UPDATE)
Seen above using her dark-sided, mind-reading powers to suck Lamar Odom’s Twitter password from the memory bin in his brain, Pimp Mama Kris and her kreatures are probably the ones who wrote the tweet where he slapped at his father and praised the Kardashian Klan. A couple of days ago, Lamar’s father Smack Daddy Joe Odom injected a large load of YES into the largest vein on my soul when he called Pimp Mama Kris an “evil bitch” who never cared about his son and is spreading lies. The next day, Lamar suspiciously came out of hiding and defended PMK and the rest of the Kartrashians on Twitter.
Won’t continue 2 speak on this but I have got 2 let this out real quick. I have let this man and many others get away with a lot of shit. He wasn’t there 2 raise me. He was absent ALL of my life due to his own demons. My mother and grandmother raised me. Queens raised me. For the first time since they left, came a blessing of a FAMILY that I married into. FAMILY. That man wasn’t even invited to my wedding. He has never met my mother in law and some of my other family. How can a man who has NOT once called me to check on my well being have the nerve to talk so recklessly about his own “son”. He is my downfall! His own demons may be the ONLY thing he gave 2 me. He disrespecting the ONLY FAMILY that has loved me without expecting anything in return. They are the ONLY ones that have been here consistently 4 me during this dark time. Only person 2 blame is myself. Say what you want about me but leave the ones who have done nothing but protect and love me out of this! This goes to out to everyone!
“…has loved me without expecting anything in return.” I really have to give kredit where kredit is due. PMK was able to type out that absurd shit without kackling herself into a koma. And she was able to do it while a hollowed butt plug containing Lamar’s soul was shoved up her kulo. She’s a genius.
Sources close to Lamar tell TMZ that he couldn’t have tweeted out that tweet, because he’s currently living the Charlie Sheen life by holing himself up in an Internet-free crack house 100 miles away from L.A. Lamar is extra paranoid that people are watching him, so he doesn’t have Internet. Lamar thinks his phone is tapped, so he’s only on it for 15 seconds at a time. Anytime somebody comes to visit, he takes their phone. So Lamar didn’t write the tweet and he doesn’t even know that his dad slammed the Kartrashians again.
The sources also say that Lamar’s got two 20-something crack skanks living with him. All he does all day is smoke crack, listen to rap music, bone one of his crack skanks and send his driver out to get more crack. (“That’s EXACTLY what my average day is like!” – the Mayor of Toronto) Lamar is afraid he’s going to get caught smoking crack, so he uses an app that deletes the texts he sends after they’re read and lets him know if a screen shot of his text was taken. (Note to sext-happy Anthony Weiner: You should probably get that app.)
I don’t know if I believe either of these stories. I thought PMK was leaking anti-Lamar stories to TMZ, so why would she leak a story about how he didn’t write that tweet? Maybe she did it to throw us off her story-leaking trail. THE MIND GAMES! I know, if you asked me what I think about Syria, I’d look at you as though you were speaking Korean in Pig Latin. But if you asked me who I think is leaking stories about Lam Lam to TMZ, I’d spit out a 10,000 word konspiracy theory. My teachers are proud.
UPDATE: Aaaaaand now TMZ is saying that Lamar did tweet that ode to the Kardashians. Apparently, Lamar called the Kardashians before he tweeted that note of praise. Lamar wanted them to know he was about to tweet it. Kim, PMK, Khloe and Kourtney were all on speaker when he called. This means that TMZ and PMK are back together again. All is well now!
And here’s Khlozilla showing us what it would look like if a Sasquatch mated with a Predator while filming KUWTK with the slow one and the slow one’s daughter yesterday.
Lamar Odom Isn’t In Rehab, So Says TMZ
E! News and People said last night that Lamar Odom took his ass to rehab to get treatment for his addiction to booze and the bad shit. But now TMZ is saying that Lamar isn’t drying out in rehab and Khloe Kardashian has no idea where he is. Khloe galloped up to the top of the mountain behind their mansion and let out her mating call, but didn’t hear anything back. Where in the world is Lam Lam?
TMZ says that they’ve been “making calls” since yesterday and were told that he’s not in any rehab facility. Lamar hasn’t had any contact with Khloe or any of the Kartrashians for the past few days. A different source tells Radar that Khloe has been calling Lamar’s agent to find out where he is:
“[She’s] relieved that Lamar has finally gone to rehab, if that’s where he really is, but she is pissed off she doesn’t even know his location. She has stood by him for the past two years as he descended into a nasty addiction of Oxycontin and cocaine. For him to cut Khloe out is just a knife in her back. Khloe has reached out to Lamar’s sports agent Jeff Schwartz, but has got no information about Lamar’s whereabouts.”
The source also said that Lamar believes that the Kartrashians leaked stories about his drug use to the media (DUH), so if he’s in rehab, his people are not going to tell them which one he’s in.
This story has been a mess from beginning to end. Lamar’s a crackead! No, wait, he’s an Oxyhead! Khloe and Lamar are separated! No, wait, they’re not separated! Lamar’s in rehab! No, wait, Lamar’s not in rehab!
Will the Kartrashians please come together as a fame whore family and come up with one story and decide which one media outlet they’re going to leak it to? Pimp Mama Kris needs to control her whores’ mouths, because they’re farting out all kinds of shit to everybody. Wrangle up your whores, PMK, and get it together. This is not way to run a fame whore operation.
But more importantly, will somebody please tell us if Blockbuster got their DVDs back?
Here’s Lamar buying Coke and food the other day.
Pics: Splash
Lamar Odom Is In Rehab
After failed intervention after failed intervention, Lamar Odom has checked into rehab, because I guess getting a DUI was his bottom under rock bottom and because rehab might be the only place where he’s safe from all the Kartrashians and their kameras. Cut to an E! camera popping out of Lamar’s toilet in rehab when he goes to piss.
Two sources (source one: Kim’s left ass cheek, source two: Kim’s right ass cheek) tell People that Lamar is now in rehab. Once source said that Lamar realized he needs help. If you believe TMZ, then Lamar is getting help for his addiction to crack. If you believe Radar, then Lamar is getting help for his addiction to Oxy. If you believe me, then Lamar is really in a plastic surgery clinic to get face/off surgery so Pimp Mama Kris can’t track him down when he gets away from them.
But seriously, I’m sure that in rehab, Lamar will learn that the key to getting sober and staying sober is to RUN, RUUUUUUN far away from the Kartrashians as fast as you can. It’s too late for Bruce. They already got him. But it’s not too late for you, Lamar.
Here’s Lamar renting DVDs at Blockbuster the other day. Yes, Blockbuster still exists. No, that Blockbuster isn’t going to get their DVDs back from Lamar.
Pics: Splash
Lam Lam Got Arrested For DUI
TMZ (like I had to tell you) reports that there’s a bottom under Lamar Odom’s rock bottom and he found it this morning. Lamar was put into handcuffs just before 4 this morning in the San Fernando Valley after he was pulled over and got several Fs on several sobriety tests.
The cops caught Lamar on the 101 freeway driving way too slow and swerving all over the place. Lamar was driving 50mph when the speed limit is 65mph. It took Lamar a little while to pull over after the cops dropped their sirens on his ass. TMZ says that Lamar drove past 3 exits before finally pulling over. The cops realized right away that his ass was all the way drunk. After failing those sobriety tests, Lamar was taken in and booked. And since he probably had some kind of bad shit running through his veins, he refused to take any and all chemical tests.
My first thought after reading that headline at TMZ was, “Pimp Mama Kris really does go hard.” When you screw with her magnificent whore empire, she’ll get you labeled as a crackhead and get her contacts in the police department to take you down. Pimp Mama Kris? More like Mob Boss Mama Kris. But really, I don’t think PMK had anything to do with this, but I do think that she’s going to have all of E!’s cameras on him when he gets released. It’ll be the perfect season opener for her family’s reality shit show.
And now Lamar and Khloe have his and hers mug shots to put on their mantle.
KRIS KANCELLED!!!!!!
Radar says that as you’re reading this, the angels are singing while a wrecking ball smashes into the ugly set for Pimp Mama Kris’ Hour of Whoring. Or maybe Universal Studios will buy it from FOX to use in their Addams Family attraction since it’s kind of hard to reproduce creepiness like that.
Pimping out her granddaughter not once, but twice, worked for a second, but it wasn’t enough for FOX to give PMK’s talk show a full season. A source tells Radar that FOX recently told Pimp Mama Kris that the ratings for the Summer test run of her talk show sucked harder than the Kardashian family at-home lipo vacuum and so they aren’t picking up her show.
GOD IS REAL!!!!!!
The source said this:
“There is no chance the talk show is going to get a green light from FOX. The ratings were averaging an abysmal 0.8 and advertisers were less than enthusiastic about it.
Kris did get a ratings bump for her last show when Kanye West revealed the first baby pic of daughter, North West, with Kim, but that was a one time shot in the arm and it wouldn’t be indicative of what the ratings trend would be.”
FOX had a camera on Pimp Mama Kris’ face the moment they told her that her talk show would not be coming back and they plan to sell the footage to psychiatrists who will use it as a visual anti-depressant on their patients. Because nothing will make you feel like a ball of sunshine like seeing a piece of Pimp Mama Kris’ Whore Kingdom come crumbling down.
FOX is going to wait a week or three to announce it and they plan to slip the news out on a Friday afternoon, hoping that nobody will notice. It will be hard not to notice when everyone’s screaming the news from the top of rainbows and skipping down the streets while toasting each other with cups full of Andre.
Don’t worry about Pimp Mama Kris, though. Now she’ll have even more time to come up with new and creative ways to take down Lamar Odom. Speaking of, here’s Lamar at Taco Bell today. I guess Lamar buying Pintos ‘N Cheese means that he traded in his crack pipe for a bong for now.
Pics: Splash